More to Come

One of my memories from childhood is sneaking those moments from Johnny Carson's late-night program, when I was supposed to be in bed.  I always enjoyed Johnny both as a comedian and as an interviewer, but the odd thing that stands out in my mind is that whenever they broke for a commercial, it would say on the screen More to Come.  A lot of people look at New Year's Eve as an end time, but I prefer to think about more to come.

 

Yes, in a few hours 2023 will be gone.  The very moment it leaves though, 2024 is here.  It happens like this every year.  The world keeps on spinning and anything you were doing at 11:59, you can continue doing at 12:00 and 12:01.  Some people get all bummed out that things were neglected, and goals were not met.  I'll be the first to admit that things don't always go the way we plan, but sixteen hours before the year ends, is not a good time to lament our failings.  The next year will give us new opportunities and new chances to do wonderful things and take another crack at those goals or even come up with some new ones.

 

I could take this time today to look back on the bad things that occurred in 2023, but enough other people are doing that.  I could also look at the wonderful things (and may still revisit some of them in the days ahead). There is some good after all in every year.  I want instead to look at all of our days yet to come.  How many days we have will of course vary.  How we use them will vary too.  We can sit all alone and think about all of the negativity in the world, or we can add our own positive spark to it.  As I say all the time, WE can make a difference.  WE can do good things for others.  WE can be the heroes that our world needs.

 

What will we do in 2024?  The possibilities are enormous!  Let's change the world for the better.  Let us spread justice, equality, peace, and love.  We don't run out of time at midnight tonight.  There is still more to come!

joy to you and me

What brings you joy? Think about it for a moment. There are probably numerous answers to the question. Close your eyes and picture all those special times. For many, the joy comes in the giving too. So how can a feeling of great pleasure and happiness be felt by those around you? What can you do to share the joy?

I realize I am always asking this same question in one form or another. I suppose it really isn't all that important that you write down an answer. (There isn't a wrong answer after all). How lovely though it would be if we could all be spreading that warm feeling of bliss.

I know that we have political issues these days, fears of our economy, our health in the midst of flu season, the ugliness of racism, and so many other worries. That does not mean that joy goes out the window. Maybe we just need to work on it a bit more!

For me joy is splendid to be sure, but I'm one of those who is most happy when I am surrounded by happiness. When I see your delight, it in turn delights me. It's a kind of circle. There seems to be an extra amount of joy during the holidays.  Assuming that others feel the same way, we should all be spreading the joy because we therefore are all receiving it as well!

Say what??

When someone mentions their doctor, do you automatically picture a man? If a man says he wants you to meet his spouse, do you immediately think he is referring to a woman? We need to change the way we think and the way we say things! (I prefer saying husband or wife instead of partner or spouse because it gives more information). If we really believe in equality though and really support same-sex marriage, we should think about things like this.

I remember a television commercial for a deodorant, many years ago that talked about an airline pilot. Viewers were thinking of a man flying the aircraft, but in the last frame we see that it is actually a woman. Flight attendants too - we seem to mostly think female, even if your last flight had an all male cabin crew.  

Even those of us who fight every day for equality, can't get those images out of our head that we have been conditioned to see. When reading someone's biography, when we see that they are married, most of us still assume the opposite sex.

Sometimes I hear people refer to God as He.  How many of us really picture the Almighty with gender? I was thinking about terminology and how we often speak with words that are outdated.  With that in mind, Pronouns that refer to gender are often misused out of ignorance.  Our transgender sisters and brothers should expect that they will be referred to with the gender they identify with.  It is ignorant to call a man 'she' and just plain mean to say 'it.'

Is it conditioning or prejudice? Can we open our minds to see a bigger picture?

Never worry about numbers

When you care about other people - when you want to change the world and make this a better place, we so often think in terms of numbers.  We want to make it better for everyone.  Suddenly though we feel overwhelmed and so we stop.  We wanted to do good but because we felt we wouldn't make "enough" of a difference, we ended up doing nothing at all.

I can relate to this.  I always think big and urge others to do so as well, but numbers really are not all that important.  What we need to do is to get involved and to stick with it!  Step by step - one by one, our grassroots efforts really do make a difference.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta, now Saint Teresa,  proved this during her lifetime.  She spoke of it too.  "Never worry about numbers," she said.  "Help one person at a time, and always start with the person nearest you."

crumpled paper

You may recall this story. I've told it here before, but I really like it. It is a story that has been told and retold over the years. It's about a teacher who was telling her class about bullying and gave them an exercise to perform. She had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stamp on it and really mess it up, but not to rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty it was. She then told them to tell it they are sorry.

 

Okay, that may seem rather odd - talking to a piece of paper, but think of the deeper meaning here.  Sometimes a child who is bullied will later receive apologies, but the damage has already been done. In this exercise, even though they said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bully’s another child - they may say they’re sorry but the scars are there forever.

Bullying isn't just done by kids of course and it isn't somehow worse in some cases than in others.  ALL bullying is bad.  ALL bullying hurts and damages another person.  ALL bullying needs to stop.  We have heard a lot in recent years about the bullying of gay kids, but let me be clear. While gay kids are so often the targets of bullies, ALL bullying is bad. We need to get rid of it ALL.  Even when it comes from famous people or from elected officials.

I have been writing here for just over fifteen years and often speak out about bullying.  Have my words made a difference?  The kids in that classroom certainly learned an important lesson. The looks on the faces of the children told their teacher that the message had indeed hit home. I hope this hits home with all of you too.  What can we all do to help end the bullying?   

favorite times of the year

When I was young, I always looked forward to this month. I loved the colder weather and the snow, and of course I loved Christmas. This is also the month when there is a break from school, and that is always nice. My mom's birthday came in December too, and then there were all the other holiday parties. Good times!

August though could also be a favorite time. We would be out of school then. There were so many fun summer activities. Oh yeah and my birthday! What about November? I liked that a lot too with Thanksgiving (I love the traditional dinner) and Veterans Day breaks from school or work. Fall leaves are always so pretty! Of course May can be fun, with summer right around the corner, and those wonderful Memorial Day picnics! Come to think of it, there is something to look forward to in every month.

You get the idea.   We don't have to reserve our fun to just one day or one week or one month.  Why not make the best of every single day?  Let's live life to the fullest.  I think I am going to have 365 favorite times this year!

once we are gone

When someone passes away, there is usually some kind of public announcement including a newspaper obituary.  A funeral or memorial of some kind follows, usually within a week or so.  Then what?  How often do we think about the person who has died?  Do we think about them at all?

I know this is a rather grim subject, but the other day someone on social media mentioned George Burns.  I was amazed how many people had know idea who George Burns was.  He was a celebrity.  He was in the public eye.  He was a celebrity.  Imagine if he wasn't well known in his lifetime.  Would anyone remember him at all.  

There is a Bible passage that says something about this. It's from the 44th chapter of Ecclesiasticus, verse 9. "There are others who are not remembered, as if they had never lived, who died and were forgotten, they, and their children after them."

I know it is very important for some folks to be remembered.  Some spend money to have their name engraved in places where it will often be seen and some spend moeny to have buildings or other locations named after them.  Does it matter at all if we are remembered after we die?  Is one of our purposes here during our life to leave a mark?  

I will admit that I have no answer to this at all.  I do think it's a shame that some lovely people are simply forgotten once they are gone.  Let me turn to you though - what do you think?

Give something back

Giving something back is not just one simple formula. There are so many ways of giving back and they all make a difference in this world of ours.

Pay a compliment at least once a day or go even further and say something nice to everyone you meet today. It doesn't even cost you a penny. Volunteer to read to kids in the library - that doesn't cost anything either, and oh what a reward you will get! Donate time at a senior center, at a playground, at a hospital, or an animal shelter.  Give time to your church or a community center or help a neighbor.  There are so many possibilities.

Of course giving of material gifts including money is very helpful too.  Some folks are able to do this more often than others.  Give up that morning cup of coffee and use that money to donate to a cause.  You see, it doesn't have to be difficult.  Everyone though can give of themselves, even if it is only occasionally.

Try it!  You will immediately be glad you did.

Human rights

All lives matter.  No exceptions.  This isn't really an original thought.  I wrote here in March of 2012 that All Lives Matter.  Lately I have gotten a bit of grief saying I was moving away from the injustice that is directed toward black people, particularly black men.  Well certainly black lives matter - although from the actions of some police departments and some grand juries, one would certainly see why that would be questioned.

Whether or not me words from over eleven years ago connect with anybody, the point is, I wrote them and I did it a long time ago, so despite those who say I was changing the wording of a sign, that is not the case and I am still not trying to deny a huge problem that exists within our society.  I'm saying though the very same thing I said back then (click HERE to read my original post).  It is a message which I have always given, that ALL lives matter.  I have stood in the street many times and on the steps of government buildings and in protest marches and said quite clearly that ALL lives matter.

Now, quite often I was speaking out about a particular issue or for a particular group, but regardless of who is being discriminated against, we are all a little bit less because of it, because we should ALL be treated fairly and equally and with dignity and justice.  That's what today is all about.  Today is International Human Rights Day and we need to respect every single individual here in this country and in every single corner of the world.  In 1948 the United Nations General Assembly adopted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.  We still have a long way to go to recognize and make those words a reality.

Human rights are for everybody - no exceptions.  There is no superior race or religion or gender.  We all matter, or at least that's the way it should be and this is what we should be striving for.

I wish you enough

This story was recently shared with me by a friend.  I found it very powerful and asked if I might share it further with all of you.

Recently overheard was a father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'

The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.'

They kissed and the daughter left. The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'

'I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral,' he said.

'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

He began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.'

He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.' Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.
     
       I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how              gray the day may appear.
       I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
       I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and                          everlasting.
       I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may            appear bigger.
       I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
       I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
       I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

He then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them.

 

Remembering that great deli

It has been ten years since Joe Sattler, owner of Moishe’s Pippic in San Francisco served me my last sandwich there. After twenty six years, he closed down and retired. Moishe’s Pippic was no more. What a guy! What a place! I wrote about it here at the time.

My mom enjoyed eating at Moishe’s Pippic and we went there whenever she came to town. She even had a nice roast beef sandwich from there on her last birthday, a year before they went out of business.

So why am I writing about them now?  Well, this was such a special place, it deserves to be remembered.  Joe Sattler always warmly welcomed me when I went it.  So did Abel Preciado, the only other person who worked there.  Often when I visit San Francisco, I have run into one or both of them.  Abel went to work at a nearby restaurant and so many were delighted to see him there.  Joe ended his retirement and went to work at a chocolate shop in the same neighborhood.  

Was it Joe or was it Abel that made Moishe's so special?  I think it guys beyond these two really nice guys.  It was the menu and the neighborhood and the customers and the mix of all wanting to give each other a nice day.  I will always carry find memories with me and hope that more and more places start offering this brand of kindness.

Watch your mouth

Have I ever said anything foolish? Have I ever spoken too quickly and then realized I sounded like a complete idiot? Have I ever said something that offended another person, even if that wasn't my intent? Well, the answer to all of these is yes. Yes, I have. It's actually pretty easy to do. We get caught up in the moment and simply blurt out the first thing that pops into our head, and being human, it isn't always something we are proud to have said.

Now, there are some folks who are always talking nonsense. I'm not really talking about them. It would be nice if they someday realized what was coming out of their mouths, but some people don't easily change. I'm talking more about the good decent folks who sometimes sound like they don't care. They said something that really wasn't well thought out.  We could all stand to watch out mouths.

 

Here's an example of what I'm talking about:  "You really don't look gay."  Think about that for a moment.  Recently I also heard "I had no idea.  She didn't look trans at all."  Are these statements meant as compliments?  Oh and then there are the stereotypes regarding race, ethnicity, religion, or any number of other things, that leave you scratching your head and thinking "Did she really just say that?" 

 

We're getting better.  I was watching an old movie the other night and it was so insensitive I was insulted to think anyone actually ever talked that way, but we did.  Shortly afterward, I watched an old tv sitcom, and this was so racially offensive toward Asians, that my jaw dropped.  The truth is, nobody meant anything bad at the time.  We just weren't thinking.  Very much the same as now, we sometimes open our mouths before we think.

The Parable

This being Sunday, how about a parable? 

A man was taken on a tour of both heaven and hell. In hell he was shown a banquet hall filled with diners seated at a table that was covered with all kinds of delicious food. Each person’s back and left arm were tied to the chair so that bending at the waist was impossible, and the left arm could not move. The right arm was stiffened so that the elbow would not bend. The people at the table could gaze at the delicious spread and they could smell the aroma of the food, but they were starving.

In heaven, the picture was the same – backs and left arms shackled, right arms stiffened – but the diners were feasting and rejoicing, because each diner used his stiffened right arm to feed the person to his or her right. It was a picture of people working together, in other words – it was cooperation. How wonderful!

Of course, we don’t have to wait to get to heaven to have this kind of teamwork. It really is quite easy to do things for each other, right here on earth! Oh and before you ask what part of the Bible this parable comes from - it doesn’t. This isn’t a parable of Jesus, but one that we mortals came up with and which has been told and re-told. The point is a very good one though: cooperation - helping others - making a difference. It's a story that illustrates the very thing we talk about here every day.

If you like your parables to come from Scripture and have to have some backup from the Bible, let’s look at the words of Blessed Paul the Apostle, who in his letter to the Philippians wrote “Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others.” I could not have said it any better!

Just plain folks

Growing up, must of the people I came in contact with were just plain folks. I have always found ordinary, down-to-earth, unpretentious people to be so much more attractive than the folks who expect you to be impressed by their name or their bank account or their social standing.  We are all "people" and we were all created equal. 

 

The blog is not to impress you and in fact I seldom mention my name here and I do often point out that this is NOT about me.  It's no big deal that I write a daily blog - for a while it seemed like everyone did.  (Actually I write two daily blogs, but who's counting)?

 

You can be as plain as apple pie.  (I happen to like apple pie).  The things you do will impress me more than the money you have in your pocket.  You may not do things so that others will be impressed.  That impresses me even more!  If everyone treated everyone equally and we were all simple and down to earth, how wonderful this world would be!

Let Communities Lead

Long before anyone heard the term AIDS, people were already dying. It was "4 H disease," because the first cases were found among homosexuals, hemophiliacs, Haitians, and heroin users. Later the name was changed to GRID, for Gay related immune deficiency.

The epidemic began officially on June 5, 1981, when the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported unusual clusters of Pneumocystis pneumonia caused by a form of Pneumocystis carinii in five gay men in Los Angeles.  It didn't have an official name until the summer of 1982, when the CDC began referring to the disease as Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome or AIDS.

 

Over the years, research has been important, but so too has been patient service, education, and erasing the stigma. Annual events like AIDS Walk and AIDS LifeCycle have given support, and so are the many events that take place each year on December 1st, World AIDS Day. In 2023 Let Communities Lead is the theme emphasizing the role of communities in breaking the stigma and raising awareness about HIV and AIDS to the world.

So many people I have known have died because of HIV/AIDS, but things have gotten better and people are living longer.  AIDS is still with us though and so the fight must continue!  Awareness is such an important part of that fight, so this World AIDS Day, do something and help spread the word.  

Forty-five years later

San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and San Francisco Supervisor Harvey Milk, who were shot and killed in San Francisco City Hall by former Supervisor Dan White on this date forty-five years ago. White was angry that the Mayor had refused to re-appoint him to his seat on the Board of Supervisors, from which White had just resigned, and that Milk had lobbied heavily against his re-appointment. 

San Francisco, where I lived at the time, was already reeling from the mass suicides and murders in Johnstown just days before.

 

Moscone's name is not as well known today as Milk's, even though both have buildings named for them.  Harvey Milk has become much better known in death, than he was in life.  Like with John F Kennedy, whom I wrote about last Wednesday, there have been a lot of "what if he had lived?" questions asked.  Certainly nobody knows for sure, but there have been a lot of changes since.  Some might argue that there has not been a mayor as progressive as George Moscone.  There have been other gay elected officials though, and not just representing San Francisco's heavily gay Castro district.

 

It is certain that both Moscone and Milk made a difference in this world.  They started some things that have continued following their deaths.  One huge tribute to them is that there have been regularly remembrances of that dark day when they were murdered.  On the night of the assassinations, it was an impromptu candlelight march started in the Castro and leading to the City Hall steps that was terribly moving. Tens of thousands of people took part that night with Joan Baez leading "Amazing Grace" along the way.

 

Forty-five years later we remember these two men, and I hope we always will.  I also hope that the day will come when being progressive or being gay is no big deal.

It's not just about the wallet

Donations make a difference - I've said so for years, but there is more than just money.  Some folks want to contribute but simply can't afford to give money.  Of course, there are clothing drives and toy drives and food bank collections.  These are all ways to give without necessarily dipping into your wallet.  There is also the giving of your time and your talent - a very valuable gift.

 

But wait!  There is more than just the tangible.  The sense of belonging to a cause of joining it and becoming a part of it, is very important.  I personally do fundraising walk-a-thons regularly and one of the big things for me is the getting together with other committed folks.  Sharing information and visibility are important for most any cause.

When you get those emails or phone calls asking you to give, it doesn't have to be about your wallet.  If it is something you are passionate about, there are other ways to make a difference.  These days there are a lot of folks rallying around political causes too.  Whatever rings a bell for you, don't despair that you are unable to give money.  Instead, think of other ways you can do good and get involved.  There is always a way to give back!

Lots of folks will be asking for money on these last weeks of the year.  Something for us all to think about.

There's always reason to be thankful

The inaccuracy of the first Thanksgiving story we generally hear, is causing more and more people to re-think any kind of celebration this day. Just what are we to be grateful for? Genocide? Certainly not! I do understand how uncomfortable it is to tell that untrue tale and to romanticize those Pilgrim-Indian feasts though, so  let's stop doing that!

Wait a second though. I'm not saying there is nothing to be thankful for. I'm not saying a harvest festival is a bad thing or that being grateful for the good things in our lives is wrong. We just need to make some changes. First, let's stop telling the untrue story and admit our past horrible deeds. Next, let us move forward, vowing to never do anything like that. Let's also look at the good things we have done and the good that have happened in our lives. Our ancestors committed horrors, but they certainly did some positive things as well. We might personally have never done anything that can be described as horrible, but we can still apologize on their behalf. Then, we need to move on.

The good in our lives can and should be acknowledged. There's always reason to be thankful. Did you have food to eat last night? Did you have a warm bed? Do people love and care about you? Look! There is reason for gratitude right there. Gathering family and friends together and having a good time over a meal, is not a bad thing to do.

Thanksgiving Day has baggage to be sure - in fact, with the atrocities committed, baggage is an understatement. I'm not suggesting we should ignore it either. Perhaps we need to re-invent the day. My suggestion though is that we continue to give thanks; that we continue to gather together. Let us do so honestly though, making reparations for our past, and looking ahead with thankful hearts for all the good that we can be.

That Day In Dallas

Those of you who are older than me, probably remember in great detail that day in Dallas. Dr Martin Luther King had given his “I Have A Dream” speech three months earlier.  Zip codes (“Zone Improvement Plan”) and touch-tone phones were pretty new.  Everyone was listening to The Beatles (or making fun of them).  We were still six months away from the first moon landing.  None of that really stands out for me in relation to November 22, 1963, but I remember the news from that day and from the days that followed.

My grandparents lived just two blocks from my elementary school, so it was there that I went when school closed early that day and they sent us home.  It was there where I spent much of the next few days too.  (My parents were working).  I remember watching the state funeral on television.  I remember all the talk about this John F Kennedy, that I didn't really know about - I was a kid.  They kept showing the events over and over though and so it is burned into my memory.  That day in Dallas is something I will never forget.

Over the years there have been other such events. Some of them have been good (like the first walk on the moon) and many have been bad (like so many other assassinations). It would be nice to think that only good things would come and that we would learn from the bad and that going forward, we wouldn't make the same mistakes. Sadly, that hasn't been the case.

Can we learn?  Can we find a way to love?  Can we stop the hate and the destruction?  What do YOU think?

Looking out for elders too

When we think of bullying, the kids in the hall at school usually come to mind, right?  It isn't just limited to youth. Anyone can be the victim of bullying, and a growing number of senior citizens have been targets. 

For those living in senior communities, it can especially be a problem and includes such things as fraud and elder abuse. The bullying I am talking about isn't always senior to senior. Sometimes the children of elders are bullies and sometimes the bully can be a caregiver.  It even happens in assisted living centers.

 

Nobody should have to endure bullying.  You wouldn't want anything bad to happen to your grandmother, would you?  We shouldn't want to see anything bad happen to anyone!  We need to speak up.  We need to look out for senior citizens, because bullying can be devastating at any age.  In the case of our elders it can often be worse because they may be frail and have other health issues.  Don't be a bully and don't allow bullying to happen.

The Tragedy of Jonestown

It is with great sadness for the 918 souls lost at The Peoples Temple Agricultural Project, better known by its informal name "Jonestown," that I always think back on this date. It's been 45 years, but most of those who died by forced suicide that day were originally from the San Francisco area, where I lived. The news was hard to take wherever you lived, but particularly difficult in the Bay Area.

Nearly half of Jonestown residents were black women and 304 residents were minors.  What kind of lives might they have lived?  What kinds of things would they be doing now in 2023?

I always think of former Representative Jackie Speier at this time of year too.  She spent a lifetime of public service and was with Representative Leo Ryan when they went to investigate Jonestown.  Speir survived five gunshot wounds while Ryan was assassinated.  He had been shot more than twenty times.  I think also of NBC News correspondent Don Harris and NBC News cameraman Bob Brown who were shot at the same time as Ryan.

How many of you remember that day?  How many of you were born since then?  How might those 900+ people have interacted with you over these past years.  How much, if anything, have we learned since then about cults and about blind faith in those who might do us harm.  Could another tragedy like this happen again?  What do YOU think?

Have a spooktacular day!

Witches and goblins and all kinds of spooky - all fine symbols of the day but remember to not be offensive. Halloween should be an enjoyable time for everyone, not a time for self-hate or anger because of prejudice

Over the years, Halloween celebrations have changed a lot. It seems more adults get involved these days. The trunk or treat celebrations, where cars are parked together with open trunks decorated for Halloween and candy available for kids, have become rather popular and that is a very nice thing. Oh and you can still trick-or-treat for UNICEF!

Remember to be safe too. When the sun goes down tonight, be particularly carefully around traffic. Eating candy or other treats? Make sure your source is a trusted one. Sadly, there are still folks who try to trick with our sweets.  Now I know many of you already celebrated Halloween over the weekend, but since today is the actual day, don't be afraid to do something special.

Have a safe and happy celebration.

Just a little background

If you are stumbling upon this blog for the first time today, welcome!  Glad you found us and hope you will check out some of the previous entries.  What I write about here is making a difference in the world - ways to do it, the many ways of giving back and the folks who are leading the way and already making a difference.  I am fortunate to receive an occasional email and every now and then someone even posts a comment at the end of these daily entries.  I sure don't have all the answers, so I am always grateful for the feedback!

I might from time to time reference my family or my own life by way of introducing the subject, but I don't spend much time talking about myself because, as the title says, It's NOT about me.  That's important to me too.  I don't want the messenger to ever end up taking the place of the message.

It's hard to believe I started this over fiftern years ago!  Six years ago I began another blog about kindness.  My fingers do a lot of typing.  I don't think though that I will ever run out of things to say.

Giving back to our communities - sharing the love - making a difference in our world - that is so important and that is why, several years ago, I began writing this.  It is my hope that it occasionally inspires someone and that just maybe another person will get out and do some great thing after having read this.  Please feel free to tell folks about this and please feel free to comment and to send me messages!  We ALL are in this!

Divorce conditions

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

“Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

“I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

“With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

“The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

“In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

“This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

“I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions.  She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

“My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

“On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

“On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

“She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

“Suddenly it hit me .   .   . she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

“Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

“But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office and jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind.  I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

“She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

“At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, 'I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us part.'

“That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.  At least, in the eyes of our son, I’m a loving husband."

If you read this blog regularly, you will recognize that the above story cannot possibly be about me - this blog after all is NOT about me!  This is something I came across on the internet and I thought it was so very powerful that it just had to be shared!  As this story shows, it's the small details of our lives that really matter in a relationship. It isn't the car, property, money in the bank, or any material things. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.  It doesn't matter if you are married or not - as you go through life find the time to really live it!

Kahil Gibran on true giving

Kahlil Gibran (writer, visual artist, philosopher and poet) said so many different inspiring things. He was also considered a philosopher, although I am told that he himself rejected that title, He is best known as the author of The Prophet, one of the best-selling books of all time. I was just looking over some of his thoughts on true giving.

"You give but little when you give of your possessions.

It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

For what are your possessions but things you keep

and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?"

These words were excerpted from Gibran's 1923 book which I mentioned, The Prophet. Something to think about on this Friday morning.

have I got some questions for you!

How are we doing with this blog? When do you read it? Who do you think we should mention here? What kinds of things have we left out? Where might we find more hometown heroes? Why is this even important? When will more folks get involved? How can folks interact here?  Oh and what about the past two days here?

I prefer writing encouraging things.  It's so nice to tell the positive stories of people making a difference.  Occasionally though I see some bad things that simply must be addressed.  Any thoughts about what I wrote here yesterday and the day before?

Okay, so there are a lot of questions I can ask about this blog. You may have questions of your own. Right under each day's entry is a space that says comments. Write something there. Ask a question or make a comment. I have a never-ending supply of questions, but I certainly don't have all the answers. Perhaps you can help.

There are tons of ways we can give back of course. I humbly offer some suggestions that come to mind or tell you about some folks who have done a stellar job of being a superstar, but I need your help. I would love to know about some of the really positive people you may have encountered. Who is a hero to you? Tell us the what, when, where, and why too!  

Those are my questions for you today.  Remember you can use that comment section to ask questions of me.  

Story from a taxi driver

I have no idea who wrote this - I found I a while back on the internet and have shared it here before.  It's the kind of "feel good" story that I really like, and I hope it will have some meaning for you. Again, these are not my words, but I wanted to share this great story with all of you one more time on this beautiful July morning-

A NYC Taxi driver wrote:

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked..

'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.'

'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'.

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.

They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said.

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day,I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

Pink Ribbons

You may have seen an increase in pink ribbons during the past week or so. Perhaps as a regular reader of this blog, you remember the Octobers in the past in which I have written here about breast cancer. Perhaps you have noticed that tv news programs have been devoting time to it. If the pink ribbons are setting off an alarm in your brain, that's a good thing. This is breast cancer awareness month and the whole idea is to make people more aware.

 

Women should certainly be more aware.  Early detection can and does save lived.  Also, did you know that breast cancer can occur in men. Over 2,000 men are diagnosed each year. 

According to the Centers for Disease Control, about one in eight women born today in the United States will get breast cancer at some point.  This isn't something we should be afraid of though.  If breast or ovarian cancer runs in your family, talk with your doctor.  Get the facts.  Stay informed.  Get regular checkups.

 

What can we do to wipe out breast cancer?  Well the good news is that this is very treatable and, as I have said, early detection is so very important.  Still, research and treatments are ongoing and organizations like the American Cancer Society can always use volunteers and donations.  They are also an excellent source of information.  Wear a pink ribbon this month and stay aware!

Rescued

This story isn't mine, but one that had been circulating on the internet, and one I enjoyed a lot.  I shared it here back when I first found it, but I would like to share it again.  I wish I knew who the author is so I could give proper credit.  Anyway, here's a very moving story about a doggie, once again - 

His eyes met mine as he walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into the kennels. I felt his need instantly and knew I had to help him.

I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so he wouldn't be afraid. As he stopped at my kennel I blocked his view from a little accident I had in the back of my cage. I didn't want him to know that I hadn't been walked today. Sometimes the overworked shelter keepers get too busy and I didn't want him to think poorly of them.

As he read my kennel card I hoped that he wouldn't feel sad about my past. I only have the future to look forward to and want to make a difference in someone's life.

He got down on his knees and made little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and side of my head up against the bars to comfort him. Gentle fingertips caressed my neck; he was desperate for companionship. A tear fell down his cheek and I raised my paw to assure him that all would be well.

Soon my kennel door opened and his smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into his arms. I would promise to keep him safe. I would promise to always be by his side. I would promise to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in his eyes.

I was so fortunate that he came down my corridor. So many more are out there who haven't walked the corridors. So many more to be saved. At least I could save one.

I rescued a human today.

The Soundtrack Of Our Lives

So many bad things happening all around the world and yet last night I was singing and dancing and feeling pretty darn good. No, I haven't lost my mind, but I also don't want to wallow in the negativity. One of my secret weapons is music.

The soundtrack of our lives is what someone once called music. (I think it was Dick Clark).  For me music is a surefire cure for the blues and also a great way to keep the heart pumping.  Oh and I'm especially lucky because I really like all kinds of music.  Last night I started with hip-hop and then moved on to classic top 40 from the 60s and 70s and slowed it down at bedtime with some smooth jazz.  A great way to make dinner and get the other housework done.

Now I know this blog isn't about me, but I thought I would share this music idea.  It's pretty much how I roll all the time.  Try it.  It doesn't change things.  The bad is still there, and I'm not suggesting that we had from our troubles, but if we tackle things with a positive attitude, we have a much better chance of succeeding.  It's especially easy these days too with so many streaming services, many of which are free.  

This morning I woke up with country music on the radio.  It wasn't my choice, but I found myself enjoying it!  Happy Wednesday everyone!

Twenty-two years later

People are waking up this morning to memorials all around the country, to those who lost their lives twenty-two years ago when terrorist attacks claimed so many lives in New York, Washington, and Pennsylvania.  We are reminded to never forget, but how could anyone not remember the horror of that day?

 

Every year I have written here about the 9/11 attacks. Each year I have woken up to news coverage of the anniversary. In New York City at the site where the World Trade Center stood, the names of the victims who died there are read out against a background of somber music. Vice President Kamala Harris is there. Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Marorkas is there as well. The President of the United States attends a memorial service at an Alaskan military base. There is a remembrance too in Shanksville, Pennsylvania. Second gentleman Doug Emhoff is in attendance. A memorial too at the Pentagon and in cities across the country.

 

I woke up to tv coverage of memorials.  If you missed any of it, it will be available online throughout the day and on tv tonight and in tomorrow's newspapers.  Never forget.

Be happy

Remember that Bobby McFerrin song from about 36 years ago called "Don't Worry, Be Happy"? 36 years! Oh my! That really makes me feel old. Anyway, it is a nice uplifting tune with a beautiful message about being happy. In fact it was happy enough to become the very first a cappella song to ever reach number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, a position it held for a couple of weeks. This morning I woke up thinking about it.

Being happy, to me, is one of the most important things in life. It is so important in fact that the founders of the United States, listed the pursuit of happiness as one of three "unalienable rights." It's something we can easily share too. Want to make someone's day? Smile. Have a positive upbeat mood. Make them feel worthwhile. Even if someone is depressed and feeling blue, it's possible to cheer them up and make them happy.

Not having the greatest day? Yeah I know there is huge injustice and racial inequality and so many other negative things happening these days. Does thinking about those negative make things better though? Nope. Usually that make it worse! Going back to Bobby McFerrin's song, "In every life we have some trouble, But when you worry you make it double - Don't worry, be happy."

We can be the change we want to see in the world. We can spread the love and the kindness. Happiness is pretty wonderful! Be happy and share your happiness. Make Bobby McFerrin proud.

Some thoughts on the fourth

The Declaration of Independence, which we celebrate today, says that we ALL are created equal, and that we are endowed with certain rights. Unalienable Rights it calls them. It lists three: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  Now it doesn't say we have a right to be happy, but only to pursue that happiness.
 

On this July 4th do you feel your country is allowing you to pursue happiness?  Do you feel that everyone in the country is treated equally?  Sadly I don't.
 

Most Americans are familiar with a sentence or two from this document, but take a moment to read the whole thing.  Is today's America the same one they spoke of back in 1776. 
 

There might be a picnic or fireworks on your agenda today, maybe even a parade, but add one more thing:  think of some way you can make a difference in the life of this country.  What can we all do to make the equality spoken of a reality?  What can we do to see that everyone is able to pursue happiness?  How can we end the discrimination that so many Americans face on a daily basis? 

There are many things we might put on such a list, but may I suggest the first one?  VOTE!  We need to all make sure our voices are heard!

When

I remember when I was still in high school hearing someone say "When will a day go by without some talk about racial discrimination?"  Recently, during Pride Month, I heard someone comment on the abundance of gay news stories saying "When will we stop hearing about gay rights?"  When indeed.

When I first came to San Francisco, a city with a large Asian population, I quickly found that there was prejudice against Asians.  There is even prejudice amongst Asians.  Yes, I actually heard "People from (my country) are better than people from (their country)."  Where I live now, there seems to be more and more.  I heard some anti-Asian remarks on my way home last night, which is what prompted me to write this.

When will it end.  Why do some people feel superior over others?  Why can't we all get along?  While it is true that discrimination has changed - some things are more protected by law, not everything has and often cruel incidents occur which nobody will then want to talk about.  There lately seems to have been a bit of progress (or at least people are talking).

We can put an end to discrimination.  We can end prejudice.  But, when?

one small spark

Jason Chu said it himself: "one small spark can light the whole night. So one small life can fight the good fight." This has not been the greatest year for so many of us, but Jason keeps on encouraging us. Jason keeps lighting those sparks. Jason keep fighting the good fight.

If this seems like a bit of déjà vu, yes I have indeed written here before about Jason. Based in Los Angeles, he is a rapper, poet, activist, storyteller, and an encourager. He keeps pretty busy too, even during the pandemic.  I find myself checking out his youtube videos over and over. 

He didn't just begin being active.  Over the years, Jason has done a lot.  He performed at the Obama White House, opened for Snoop Dogg, has written and recorded a lot of music, oh and he has a degree in Philosophy from Yale. Despite his many accomplishments though, he stays grounded and is kind, caring, and down-to-earth.  His lyrics can be fun and uplifting and he also can encourage, and make us think.

To me, Jason is the very definition of hero. He makes a difference. We all should be encouraged by him ad follow his lead. To quote him once again, "But I’ve learned: a hero isn’t about being super We become heroes because of what makes us human."

Adam's pictures

The Pride Celebrations each June, the rainbow flag, and The NAMES Project AIDS Memorial Quilt are all things that make a visible difference.  Who doesn't recognize panels of The Quilt when you see them, or the rainbow flag?  Well, the NoH8 Campaign is another example.  Photographer Adam Bouska created this visual program along with partner Jeff Parshley, back in 2009 in response to California's Proposition 8, the ballot proposition opposing same-sex marriage.

Openly gay Bouska has really made a difference taking pictures of thousands in the past eight years.  I remember seeing a friend at work with the NoH8 on his cheek.  It made an immediate impact on me.  There is something very empowering seeing your favorite celebrities, including many non-gay people, in these poses with the duct tape and the NoH8 lettering. 

Our lgbtq community is fortunate to have so many great leaders.  There just aren't enough days in the month to mention everyone, but I encourage you to mention some others for me, using the comments section below.

If you want to keep up with Adam Bouska's NoH8 pictures, check out their website at http://www.noh8campaign.com/ - you can donate money to this great campaign through their website too.  (I love looking through all the pictures).  Adam makes a difference in many other ways as well.  I really appreciate all of his positive and encouraging tweets.  You can keep up with him at his website http://www.adambouska.com/