Tuesday, October 31, 2023

Have a spooktacular day!

Witches and goblins and all kinds of spooky - all fine symbols of the day but remember to not be offensive. Halloween should be an enjoyable time for everyone, not a time for self-hate or anger because of prejudice

Over the years, Halloween celebrations have changed a lot. It seems more adults get involved these days. The trunk or treat celebrations, where cars are parked together with open trunks decorated for Halloween and candy available for kids, have become rather popular and that is a very nice thing. Oh and you can still trick-or-treat for UNICEF!

Remember to be safe too. When the sun goes down tonight, be particularly carefully around traffic. Eating candy or other treats? Make sure your source is a trusted one. Sadly, there are still folks who try to trick with our sweets.  Now I know many of you already celebrated Halloween over the weekend, but since today is the actual day, don't be afraid to do something special.

Have a safe and happy celebration.

Monday, October 23, 2023

Just a little background

If you are stumbling upon this blog for the first time today, welcome!  Glad you found us and hope you will check out some of the previous entries.  What I write about here is making a difference in the world - ways to do it, the many ways of giving back and the folks who are leading the way and already making a difference.  I am fortunate to receive an occasional email and every now and then someone even posts a comment at the end of these daily entries.  I sure don't have all the answers, so I am always grateful for the feedback!

I might from time to time reference my family or my own life by way of introducing the subject, but I don't spend much time talking about myself because, as the title says, It's NOT about me.  That's important to me too.  I don't want the messenger to ever end up taking the place of the message.

It's hard to believe I started this over fiftern years ago!  Six years ago I began another blog about kindness.  My fingers do a lot of typing.  I don't think though that I will ever run out of things to say.

Giving back to our communities - sharing the love - making a difference in our world - that is so important and that is why, several years ago, I began writing this.  It is my hope that it occasionally inspires someone and that just maybe another person will get out and do some great thing after having read this.  Please feel free to tell folks about this and please feel free to comment and to send me messages!  We ALL are in this!

Saturday, October 21, 2023

Divorce conditions

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

“Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

“I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

“With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

“The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

“In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

“This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

“I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions.  She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

“My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

“On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

“On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

“She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

“Suddenly it hit me .   .   . she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

“Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

“But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office and jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind.  I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

“She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

“At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, 'I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us part.'

“That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.  At least, in the eyes of our son, I’m a loving husband."

If you read this blog regularly, you will recognize that the above story cannot possibly be about me - this blog after all is NOT about me!  This is something I came across on the internet and I thought it was so very powerful that it just had to be shared!  As this story shows, it's the small details of our lives that really matter in a relationship. It isn't the car, property, money in the bank, or any material things. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.  It doesn't matter if you are married or not - as you go through life find the time to really live it!

Tuesday, October 17, 2023

Kahil Gibran on true giving

Kahlil Gibran (writer, visual artist, philosopher and poet) said so many different inspiring things. He was also considered a philosopher, although I am told that he himself rejected that title, He is best known as the author of The Prophet, one of the best-selling books of all time. I was just looking over some of his thoughts on true giving.
"You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.
For what are your possessions but things you keep
and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?"

These words were excerpted from Gibran's 1923 book which I mentioned, The Prophet. Something to think about on this Friday morning.

Saturday, October 14, 2023

have I got some questions for you!

How are we doing with this blog? When do you read it? Who do you think we should mention here? What kinds of things have we left out? Where might we find more hometown heroes? Why is this even important? When will more folks get involved? How can folks interact here?  Oh and what about the past two days here?

I prefer writing encouraging things.  It's so nice to tell the positive stories of people making a difference.  Occasionally though I see some bad things that simply must be addressed.  Any thoughts about what I wrote here yesterday and the day before?

Okay, so there are a lot of questions I can ask about this blog. You may have questions of your own. Right under each day's entry is a space that says comments. Write something there. Ask a question or make a comment. I have a never-ending supply of questions, but I certainly don't have all the answers. Perhaps you can help.

There are tons of ways we can give back of course. I humbly offer some suggestions that come to mind or tell you about some folks who have done a stellar job of being a superstar, but I need your help. I would love to know about some of the really positive people you may have encountered. Who is a hero to you? Tell us the what, when, where, and why too!  

Those are my questions for you today.  Remember you can use that comment section to ask questions of me.  

Monday, October 9, 2023

Story from a taxi driver

I have no idea who wrote this - I found I a while back on the internet and have shared it here before.  It's the kind of "feel good" story that I really like, and I hope it will have some meaning for you. Again, these are not my words, but I wanted to share this great story with all of you one more time on this beautiful July morning-

A NYC Taxi driver wrote:

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked..

'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.'

'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'.

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.

They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said.

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day,I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

Tuesday, October 3, 2023

Pink Ribbons

You may have seen an increase in pink ribbons during the past week or so. Perhaps as a regular reader of this blog, you remember the Octobers in the past in which I have written here about breast cancer. Perhaps you have noticed that tv news programs have been devoting time to it. If the pink ribbons are setting off an alarm in your brain, that's a good thing. This is breast cancer awareness month and the whole idea is to make people more aware.
 
Women should certainly be more aware.  Early detection can and does save lived.  Also, did you know that breast cancer can occur in men. Over 2,000 men are diagnosed each year. 

According to the Centers for Disease Control, about one in eight women born today in the United States will get breast cancer at some point.  This isn't something we should be afraid of though.  If breast or ovarian cancer runs in your family, talk with your doctor.  Get the facts.  Stay informed.  Get regular checkups.
 
What can we do to wipe out breast cancer?  Well the good news is that this is very treatable and, as I have said, early detection is so very important.  Still, research and treatments are ongoing and organizations like the American Cancer Society can always use volunteers and donations.  They are also an excellent source of information.  Wear a pink ribbon this month and stay aware!

Monday, October 2, 2023

Rescued

This story isn't mine, but one that had been circulating on the internet, and one I enjoyed a lot.  I shared it here back when I first found it, but I would like to share it again.  I wish I knew who the author is so I could give proper credit.  Anyway, here's a very moving story about a doggie, once again - 

His eyes met mine as he walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into the kennels. I felt his need instantly and knew I had to help him.

I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so he wouldn't be afraid. As he stopped at my kennel I blocked his view from a little accident I had in the back of my cage. I didn't want him to know that I hadn't been walked today. Sometimes the overworked shelter keepers get too busy and I didn't want him to think poorly of them.

As he read my kennel card I hoped that he wouldn't feel sad about my past. I only have the future to look forward to and want to make a difference in someone's life.

He got down on his knees and made little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and side of my head up against the bars to comfort him. Gentle fingertips caressed my neck; he was desperate for companionship. A tear fell down his cheek and I raised my paw to assure him that all would be well.

Soon my kennel door opened and his smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into his arms. I would promise to keep him safe. I would promise to always be by his side. I would promise to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in his eyes.

I was so fortunate that he came down my corridor. So many more are out there who haven't walked the corridors. So many more to be saved. At least I could save one.

I rescued a human today.