last request

Do you ever read the obituaries in the newspaper? Sometimes they can be humorous and sometimes they simply gave details of someone's life. Lately though I have come across several that are very inspiring, not just because of the life that had been led, but because of a last request.  There was a wonderful obituary a newspaper last week that brought me to tears.  A brother wrote some very touching words about his sister who had lived with cerebral palsy.  "I wish I could have made you laugh one more time," he wrote.

Frequently in obituaries there will be a "in lieu of flowers" statement, that directs folks to a charity that is significant to the deceased.  I also have seen some very nice "last requests."  In telling of one man who had recently passed away, the obituary said that one of his last wishes was for any person reading the obituary to perform a good deed in his honor for someone that they may have had friction with or disliked. Wow! Someone wanted to continue the love even after they were gone. How wonderful. How many people did a good deed in his honor? There is of course no way to know, but what a wonderful idea!

Maybe this will inspire folks reading this to make other last requests. What would you want your legacy to be? How would you like to be an inspiration to strangers, even after you are gone?  Of course, estate planning is another way to help those who come after you while also keeping your name alive.

Don't forget your clocks

Tonight, before bedding down, don't forget your clocks.  Now I know that in some places, Daylight Saving Time is not observed, but for all the rest of you, be sure to set your clock ahead one hour.  (I think I'll take a nap this afternoon to make up for that lost hour of sleep).

Whether you observe Daylight Saving Time in your neck-of-the-woods or not, it's always a good reminder to replace those batteries in your home, especially the ones in your smoke detectors.  Also be sure to check to see if all your wall and table clocks are displaying the correct time as well as your phone and other electronic devices.

This isn't something I generally write about here, but how can you change the world if you don't even know the correct time?  Let's all do some incredible things this year!  Together we really can be instruments of change!

Still blogging after all these years

Every morning, after a shower and brisk walk (or sometimes run), I sit down and blog about kindness.  My words are ones that I usually formulate during my walk.  Sometimes I think of things to say for the next several days, which helps when I have those occasional days where my mind seems to go blank.  Next, I write this blog - it's NOT about me.  It is about all of us and how we can make a difference in this world.  I hope you enjoy reading these words, as much as I enjoy writing them.

I have written about my personal heroes and people and organizations I greatly admire.  Toan Lam is one of those folks I will never tire of writing about.  Colin Kaepernick too.  I love telling about neighborhood people who do good deeds.  I love retelling the stories of folks like Harvey Milk, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa and so many others.  I can go on and on too about Katharine Jefferts Schori, Dan Choi, Stuart Gafney, David Chiu, Zoe Dunning, and on and on. 

 

It has been my great honor also to share the story of Lillian Weber who made a huge impact on so many people when she sewed an amazing 1,234 dresses for the organization Little Dresses for Africa, working on past her 100th birthday. The story of Dan McKernan and Barn Sanctuary which he created and runs, is another tale I am so happy to tell.  I remember writing here about the Hat Lady and of course several entries about the wonderful Arnel Pineda.

 

When I began this back in 2008, I had no idea I would be doing this for so long.  There are a lot more things to say though and so, I shall continue.  I hope you will continue to read, and I hope you will also share any comments and suggestions here from time to time.  Without you, there really would be no point in doing this!

Rule to live by

Some people say they have a code of ethics or a rule to live by. The whole "giving back" idea that I write about here every day, I think is a form of this code.  Many refer to it as the Golden Rule.

 

It really is quite basic: we should treat others as we would like others to treat us. Not hard to understand, right? It is generally stated as "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

 

There is a "two-way" relationship between us and the others in our world and that relationship involves both sides equally. None of us likes to have too many regulations, but we all should have some kind of positive rule to live by. This is just basic human values.

 

I can remember when people used to quote this rule.  I can remember when it was common for people to actually live by it too. We can go back to that again. It is possible.

strive to be happy

Our nation's 16th president, Abraham Lincoln once said “People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” I really believe that too.  WE control whether or not we are happy.

Yes, everything in life does not turn out the way we might want it and there can certainly be some very trying moments, but anger, frustration, sorrow, are all filled with negativity.  There is always something positive in our lives, even if it might take some time to look for it.  It might not always be easy either.  Being happy though is actually a choice we make.  We should choose to be happy above anything else.

 

This isn't a new idea at all. Aristotle is quoted as saying "Happiness depends upon ourselves." Max Ehrmann's Desiderata which I posted here on Monday, closes with these words:  “Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.” 

Like I said, it might not always be easy, but the joy of happiness is its own reward!

 

march forth

My mom always referred to March 4th as a command (march forth)! I'm sure someone else has said that too, but I remember Mom saying it year after year. It will be twelve years later this month, since she passed away, and I was thinking of her this morning.

It's amazing to me how simple little things can remind us of others or of events in our lives. Do you ever think back to a memory of long ago when a similar occurrence happens? Is it ever a bad memory?

Life is not always perfect, and we are bound to see bad things from time to time, but I really like looking at the positive as much as possible. I like being able to have those warm wonderful memories like the ones I have of my mom. As you march forth on this March fourth, may you build your supply of happy memories!

desired things

The 1927 poem, Desiderata (Latin for desired things) by American writer Max Ehrmann, has long been a favorite of mine. I've mentioned it here before. Since I desire happiness for everyone and I desire that everyone realize his or her importance, it seemed fitting and proper to mention this wonderful prose once again on this Monday morning. It being in the public domain, I'd actually just like to print it here for you all to ponder and enjoy:

 

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

 

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

 

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

 

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

 

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

 

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

 

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

 

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

 

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.

 

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

 

                                                                                                                -Max Ehrmann

The Ripple Effect

We've been having a couple of really tough years, but there also has been a lot of good.  When I see people reaching out and helping each other, especially during difficult times, to me it makes it extra special. I see it in the news more and more, and I see people I know doing incredible things.  The other day, a woman said to me that she loved making people happy because it makes her happy. She said it was a ripple effect.  Indeed.

I know I have told the story here many times about how each one of us can do what seems like a small thing, but when someone else also does it, and then another person, and another, and still another, it keeps growing. It's that ripple effect. Each ripple gets a little bigger.

I'm not the only one who has talked about this before. The late Senator Robert Kennedy said, "Each time a person stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, it sends out a tiny ripple of hope." That's a pretty encouraging message.

The Wish

When you were little, did you ever make a wish and then blow on the dandelion to see if your wish would come true?  Perhaps you looked up at the night sky and made a wish on the first star you saw or before blowing out the candles on your birthday cake, hoped for something.  We have all made wishes at some time or another.  Some of us spend our whole lives wishing.

Do you wish that wars would disappear?  We ALL do!  Do you wish there was an easy solution?  Do you wish for different leaders?  Do you wish things were being handled differently?  Make a wish, and then make it happen.  We all can do our part.
 

Tossing a coin into a fountain or breaking the wishbone of a cooked turkey may be fun to do, but I happen to think that wishes are good things and that they all can come true, wish a little help.  That's the important part - the little help.  Sometimes we help ourselves fulfill our dreams and our hopes - you might actually think of them as goals.  Sometimes we can help others with their wishes like when you donate to charities.  The Make-A-Wish Foundation helps make some wishes come true, but I'm really talking about dreams we ALL have.  We wish and then sit back doing nothing more sometimes.  What we need to do is wish and then make that wish a reality.

 

Difficult?  Well yes.  Sometimes it is difficult.  Life isn't always easy, but anything really worth having is worth working for!  So, don't give up on that wish.  Make it come true!

do not crumple, scar, or mess up

Here's a story you may have heard before. It's about a teacher who was telling her class about bullying and gave them an exercise to perform. She had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stamp on it and really mess it up, but not to rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty it was. She then told them to tell it they’re sorry.

Sometimes a child who is bullied will later receive apologies, but the damage is done. In this exercise, even though they said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bullies another child - they may say they’re sorry, but the scars are there forever.

Hardly a day goes by when I don't see something about bullying. The It Gets Better Project has done some amazing videos aimed particularly at lgbtq youth. Let me be clear though. While gay kids are so often the targets of bullies, ALL bullying is bad. We need to get rid of it ALL.

The kids in that classroom learned an important lesson. The looks on the faces of the children told their teacher that the message had indeed hit home. I hope this hits home with all of you too!  Last week I wrote each day here about bullying, because it is important.  WE can make a difference. Bullying must STOP!

Just a little background

If you are stumbling upon this blog for the first time today, welcome!  Glad you found us and hope you will check out some of the previous entries.  What I write about here is making a difference in the world - ways to do it, the many ways of giving back and the folks who are leading the way and already making a difference.  I am fortunate to receive an occasional email and every now and then someone even posts a comment at the end of these daily entries.  I sure don't have all the answers, so I am always grateful for the feedback!

I might from time to time reference my family or my own life by way of introducing the subject, but I don't spend much time talking about myself because, as the title says, It's NOT about me.  That's important to me too.  I don't want the messenger to ever end up taking the place of the message.

It's hard to believe I started this seventeen years ago!  Eight years ago I began another blog about kindness.  My fingers do a lot of typing.  I don't think though that I will ever run out of things to say.

Giving back to our communities - sharing the love - making a difference in our world - that is so important and that is why, several years ago, I began writing this.  It is my hope that it occasionally inspires someone and that just maybe another person will get out and do some great thing after having read this.  Please feel free to tell folks about this and please feel free to comment and to send me messages!  We ALL are in this!

The Balloons

I find this very easy to write this Wednesday morning because I'm going to share someone else's story.  I have no idea who wrote this.  It's one of those things you find on the internet from time to time.

One day a professor gave a balloon to each of her students, who had to inflate it, write their name on it, and throw it in the hallway. The professor then mixed all the balloons and gave the students five minutes to find their own balloon. There was a hectic search, but nobody found their own balloon. 

It was then that the professor told the students to take any balloon and give it to the person whose name was written on it. In just minutes, everyone had found their own balloon. 

The professor then told them "These balloons are like happiness. We will never find it if everyone is only looking for their own. When we care about other people's happiness, we'll find ours too."

This is a story about sharing and about working together and about caring.  As I said, I didn't come up with the idea, but I hope it has some meaning to you.

money from the sky

How wonderful it would be if money simply fell from the sky!  As you are well aware though, it does not!

 

How do homeless shelters operate?  Where does the money come from to take care of feeding the hungry or clothing those who cannot afford to buy clothes?  How do churches pay their bills?  What keeps the doors open at neighborhood free clinics?  How do help-agencies find the means to keep on going?  It takes money.  Yes, it takes desire and a willingness to do something, and volunteering is important, and the numerous paid employees of non-profits certainly are needed, but the big thing that is common is funding.  Where does that money come from?

 

The answer is that it comes, at least in part, from folks like me and you.  It doesn't rain down from heaven and many of us - probably most of us, cannot afford to give as much or as often as we would like.  So, here's an idea:  make a plan.  Set aside some money as you are able.  This is giveaway money.  Now choose where to give it.  Do you want to spread it out or give it all to one place?  Do you want to give more to one type of organization than to another?

 

How can you set money aside for this?  Well, do you really need that midday ice-cream?  Can you skip the afternoon latte?  Is it possible to spend a little less at the grocery store (perhaps checking the sale ads and also using coupons)?  If we all tighten our belts just a bit, we can have some of that giveaway money and for organizations in great need, it can be like money from the sky!

Change the World

Listening to Eric Clapton sing Change the World, I find myself thinking of all the many things I would love to do. Clapton's song is really a love song, but it's from the motion picture Phenomenon and the film was about someone who indeed changed the world.

 

A couple of wonderful scenes from the movie stick in my mind. In on of them, the lead character George Malley asks his love interest Lace Pennamin, "Hey, would you, uh, love me for the rest of my life?" Her response: "No, I'm gonna love you for the rest of mine." In another scene, George is trying to comfort the two small children of Lace, who have just learned that he is dying. George uses an apple as a metaphor, saying that no matter what, an apple will rot and die if thrown on the ground, but if you were to take a bite out of it, the apple would become a part of you, and you would carry it with you forever. I really love that way of looking at it. He is essentially saying that he will therefore live forever.

 

From a Clapton song to a major film, there are different ways of looking at leaving a piece of yourself behind, and of changing the world.  If we all do something that becomes a part of others, we will in a sense, live forever.  Of course, we don't try to do good or change the world, just so we will have immortality.  We do it to benefit our families and our friends and other loved ones.  We all can change the world!

What do YOU think?

My thoughts and the ideas I put forth each day in this space, are not the only concepts out there. Yes, I make suggestions on how we might all help make this a better world, but are my ideas any good? Are there better ways? Your sentiments are worth hearing too, even if we might not agree with them.

I have said this before, and will likely say it many more times, but even though this blog is NOT about me, it is written by me, and therefore is heavy laden with my opinion. What about yours though? You much have thoughts on the subjects I post here. Do you agree with me or disagree? Let's hear YOUR opinion too!

Right under the last line I write each day it says "blogged by Michael Fullam at time." Right next to that you will see a place where you can comment. I'd really love to hear your opinion. I'm sure many people would like to look at the thoughts of others as well.

So, after all these years, you pretty much know what I think about a LOT of things. You have read countless suggestions from me and I've told you about good deeds and folks I consider inspirations to me. Now, take a moment or two and tell me what YOU think!

Do you need a compass?

What do I do? Where shall I go? What comes next? Does my life have any sort of purpose of direction? Well, if you are asking yourself these questions, it's a good thing. Every once in a while, it is important for each of us to take stock of ourselves and look not only at where we have been, but where we are going. Sometimes change is a good idea. Do you need some help? Do you need a compass? There is nothing wrong with reaching out to others to try to decide your path.

 

Family and friends can be a great resource in helping to determine with way to go.  When a loss within your family has gotten you asking these questions, it might be even more important to lean on each other, so to speak.  They are not the only resource though.  Some of us have tons of friends and great big families.  Others are a bit more alone.  There are professionals who also can be of great benefits.  Counselors, clergy, health care workers, attorneys, teachers, and others might help guide you when you find yourself questioning what comes next.  Getting involved in support groups can sometimes be of benefit too.

 

The library used to be a great place for finding information.  It still is, of course, but now we also have the internet where we can find answers to our questions in seconds.  Sometimes these answers are all we need as our compass.

 

Nobody should ever have to go through life feeling lost or confused.  Life is more than just being alive, and we all have a purpose.  Find yours.  Life will be so much richer once you know the path you are taking!

F NOT Fitzgerald

The other day I read a wonderful quote that had been attributed to F Scott Fitzgerald. It was one of those encouraging things that often will end up on a poster, but as I was reading it, I also learned that the words were not his. Oh my! The article actually went on to say that there are many instances these days of quotes wrongly attributed on the internet.

Now Fitzgerald was an incredible writer. There is no denying that. He died at a very young age, but had he lived longer, there is no telling how many more wonderful stories he would have told. Among his works are This Side of Paradise, The Beautiful and Damned, The Great Gatsby, and Tender Is the Night. In addition, Fitzgerald penned dozens of short stories.

The quote I was speaking of though is the very kind of thing I like to share here. It likely came from a screenwriter by the name of Eric Roth. There is much evidence that it was not Fitzgerald's. Still, it's a wonderful quote:

“For what it’s worth … it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”

Give me a hand

Have you ever heard someone say "Give me a hand?" What was your response? Did you help out? Did you get involved? Most of the time it isn't a life-or-death situation and you aren't pulling someone up from the side of a cliff, yet every time we are asked for help, we should do our best.

I have seen people take on overwhelming tasks all by themselves and succeed. Some of us have that kind of determination. There are things though that are difficult to do alone. Sometimes it takes many hands to make things happen.

I'm thinking this morning about all the volunteers that give comfort to patients in hospitals and nursing homes, and of the people who come together to help Habitat For Humanity and other organizations build new homes for those who have nothing. The community groups who take on projects like picking up highway litter come to mind.  I'm thinking about the folks who read to kids in our libraries, who raise huge sums of money for charity, and who help good politicians get elected to office.  I'm thinking too of the many people who have truly made a difference during this pandemic.  Many hands can get jobs done.

There are volunteer opportunities just about everywhere.  Join in. Give someone a hand. Have an idea that will make things better for someone? Do it, and don't be afraid to ask for others to lend a hand!

All Alone

So often at the hospital where I volunteer, I see patients all by themselves with nobody visiting them. Once I heard an elderly woman who was in a wheelchair in the Emergency Department, crying and saying she didn't want to die all alone.

On another occasion, I overheard family members talking about the old man they were visiting.  "I'm not spending money on that," said one. "He probably won't be alive much longer anyway so it wouldn't be worth it."  They were paying no attention to the patient, as if he wasn't even there.

Way back in the early days of AIDS, I often heard people say horrible things, blaming the patient for the disease and saying, "he got what he deserves."  So many families disowned their brothers and sone.

At a discussion by senior citizens in a senior housing building, it was nice to learn that some had regular visits from family and friends.  The sad thing was that most of them did not.  I heard an old lady say she wished she was dead.  

It makes me sad to see people of any age all by themselves.  How can family turn their backs?  It isn't that someone has lived a long time and therefore no longer deserves to live. That is simply nonsense. It doesn't matter who says otherwise - they are wrong. There isn't an age when people are no longer worthy.

There are many wonderful people in this world doing great things, and it gives me pleasure to be able to write about some of them here and about things we can all do to make a difference. From time to time though I just have to comment on the other side of the coin. There sadly are people who just don't care about others. I don't get it. I really don't. 

Reading obituaries, I often see that the deceased was "surrounded by family and friends."  Oh, how wonderful it would be if that were true for everyone.

Our pathways

It's often difficult to put ourselves in someone else's shoes to appreciate their journey in life, if we haven't experienced the same things as they have. It is very kind though to find compassion for their situation and lend a listening ear when needed.

There is an old saying "Don't expect everyone to understand your journey, especially if they've never has to walk your path."  How very true.  My goals may possible be the same goals that you have, but we just might have different ways of getting there.  Now, I don't mean to suggest that my way is the best way or the only way, the word I would is "different."  Out pathways may be different from each other.

 

We don't all travel on the same road.  Our pathways are different.  Some of us go in different directions but still end up in the same place.  Some of us go around in circles or walk paths that seem to lead nowhere.  When we encounter each other along the way though, we should stop and meet and share our common stories.

 

The pathways of life are varied but they are best enjoyed when shared with others.

what is today

If you are as old as I am, you will recall when every February we had two holidays celebrating the birthdays of Abraham Lincoln and George Washington. George Washington was born on February 22, 1732 and his birthday was celebrated as a holiday on that date from 1879 until 1970. Along came the first change.

To give federal employees a three-day weekend, in 1968 the Uniform Monday Holiday Act moved several holidays, this one to the third Monday in February (which can occur from February 15 to the 21st). The day soon became known as Presidents Day to honor Lincoln's and Washington's birthdays together, any single president of choice, or to remember all the U.S. presidents,

The odd things is that there is no uniformity. Today goes by different names depending on the state you are in.  Among those who use the title Presidents Day, should there be an apostrophe and if so, should it be before or after the letter S?

Does any of this matter?  Well, I'm sure there are differing thoughts on that too.  I will say this:  If you have the day off from school or work, make the most of it.  Enjoy the day!

Start each day with YES!

Sometimes with all the negativity in the world, it can be difficult for us to stay positive, but I have found it helps to have a very simple resolve: start each day with YES!  Our minds are powerful tools though and sometimes just thinking something gives us a very good boost.  Having a yes kind of attitude can go a long way!

 

Now I won't make believe that there are not any problems in the world.  Certainly, there are many.  Can we solve every single one of them?  Probably not today.  We can make a start though.  We can do some good.  Of course, changing the world means believing in yourself and your ability and trusting and believing in other people as well.  It's a tall order I know.

 

Think about the opposite though for a moment.  You wake up in the morning and ask if it's going to be a good day.  NO!  Am I going to eat a nice, delicious breakfast?  NO!  Will the commute to work be an easy one?  NO!  If you begin each day with negativity, there is no chance there for a smile - no chance for a happy day.  Even when something bad happens, no matter how minor or how big, shrug it off believing that better things are coming.

 

Yes, I'm going to have a good Sunday and a good week ahead!  Yes, you are too!

So you want to change the world, huh?

A long time ago I said that I wanted to change the world for the better. Some of my friends thought I was crazy. A few seemed supportive, but really questioned what one person could do.  I did little things like volunteering or donating money or writing letters, but a little over ten years ago I decided I needed some help in the effort and I began writing this blog.

There is a counter on this that tells me how many people visit the page.  There is no way of course to know how many actually read what is here once they arrive and no way either to know if these words ever motivate anyone to become more involved.  I can always hope of course! 

Now we are in the midst of many changes that bring joy to some but are upsetting many others.  Our elected officials are doing things that are huge changes.  Do we resist the change or do we adjust?  I still want to make this a better world, but I don't have the answers and it's not a one-person job.

My ideas are not the only ones, and I am always happy to write about folks how are already stepping up and doing wonderful things for others.  Please let me know about any hometown heroes that you know of, so that we can tell others.  Give us your suggestions on how to change the world too.  We're not looking for a list of things that are bad and why our community or our country or the whole world is falling apart.  Tell us instead how you think things can be better.  What do you think would make this a better world?  Do feel free to write in the comments section below and together perhaps we really will change the world!  Together we can do it!

Won't you be my Valentine?

Although it is not a public holiday, folks make a big deal out of Valentine's Day, and it's celebrated in many countries all around the world. Just here in the United States, one billion cards are given this day, including those exchanged by school kids. That doesn't include the increasing number of e-cards that are sent out. Oh and get this: The average valentine’s spending per person is over $130! Amazing.

Cards are popular and chocolates too. Some give jewelry. For a florist, this is the biggest single day of the year and roses are the most popular flowers given.  With the high cost of eggs these days, people have been joking about sending them as Valentine presents.

 

A gift on this day doesn't have to be to a romantic partner.  Everyone enjoys getting recognized and a thoughtful Valentine card or a single flower or small bouquet can brighten anyone's day.  I have friends who send out as many Valentine cards as they do Christmas cards.  Yes, it was originally about romantic love, but these days it is more about happiness and bringing a smile to someone's face.  I think that's a great reason to keep up the celebration!

anyway

Saint Teresa of Calcutta (known then as Mother Teresa), who founded the Missionaries of Charity, a Roman Catholic religious order (which consists of over 4,500 sisters and is active in 133 countries), once said "By blood, I am Albanian. By citizenship, an Indian. By faith, I am a Catholic nun. As to my calling, I belong to the world. As to my heart, I belong entirely to the Heart of Jesus." It is no wonder that I admire her so!

Saint Teresa did and said many wonderful things during her lifetime. One of my favorite quotes I refer to as her "anyway" message:

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

Don't Bury Your Head

Some people just might claim that the ostrich is the most imitated in all the animal kingdom.  I'm sure you know people who bury their heads in the sand - perhaps not literally, but certainly figuratively.  "Let me close my eyes to all the bad things and pretend they aren't even happening." Of course, that doesn't accomplish a thing!  It does absolutely nothing! Bad things still exist, even when you refuse to look at them.  When you turn on the tv news or pick up your local newspaper, you will see negative stories galore.

Now I don't usually write about what NOT to do, because I have always preferred the more positive side of things.  So instead of suggesting that we not bury our heads in the sand, let me suggest instead that we go through life with our eyes wide open doing the best we can and looking for chances along the way to make change and to do good.  Yes, there is a lot of bad, but instead of moaning and groaning about it, let's think of ideas that will make a difference.  On this cold Sunday morning as I look up to the beautiful sky, my thoughts are about the wonderful people who are moving things forward for the better. 

We all have the power to make change.  Sometimes it might not seem like it, but even small things can make a difference.  I was reminded the other day about the power of a simple smile.  It feels good to contribute.  It really does.  Burying your head only makes us feel bad in the end.  I much prefer the good!

Promote what you love

What is there in your life that you love?  Does your job bring you joy?  Are you happy in your home life?  Is there romance?  Do you belong to any organizations that give meaning to you?  Did you hear about some incredible thing in the news that really made you happy?

 

There is so much good in this world of ours and I happily write about bits and pieces of that good here in this space each morning.  What I don't understand is those who promote negativity.  How can that bring them any kind of satisfaction?  Bashing something you hate just brings more hate and we should never want more hate.

 

Okay, I get it.  Not everyone thinks the same way.  That's fine.  Absolutely nothing wrong with that.  Instead of negative hateful messages though, perhaps we can look at some things we agree on.  Certainly, there must be something!  Let's promote the things we love instead of bashing what we hate.

Say what??

When someone mentions their doctor, do you automatically picture a man? If a man says he wants you to meet his spouse, do you immediately think he is referring to a woman? We need to change the way we think and the way we say things! (I prefer saying husband or wife instead of partner or spouse because it gives more information). If we really believe in equality though and really support same-sex marriage, we should think about things like this.

I remember a television commercial for a deodorant, many years ago that talked about an airline pilot. Viewers were thinking of a man flying the aircraft, but in the last frame we see that it is actually a woman. Flight attendants too - we seem to mostly think female, even if your last flight had an all male cabin crew.  

Even those of us who fight every day for equality, can't get those images out of our head that we have been conditioned to see. When reading someone's biography, when we see that they are married, most of us still assume the opposite sex.

Sometimes I hear people refer to God as He.  How many of us really picture the Almighty with gender? I was thinking about terminology and how we often speak with words that are outdated.  With that in mind, Pronouns that refer to gender are often misused out of ignorance.  Our transgender sisters and brothers should expect that they will be referred to with the gender they identify with.  It is ignorant to call a man 'she' and just plain mean to say 'it.'

Is it conditioning or prejudice? Can we open our minds to see a bigger picture?

Wanted

Wanted: For Acts of Goodness - the names and information about people making a difference in our world.  Yes, the information is wanted because there are tons of fantastic people out there doing wonderful things, but we don't always get to hear about them.  We should celebrate their good deeds and be inspired by them.  Perhaps you can help!

 

I'm always looking for new ways to brighten people's days and to give back to this wonderful world.  I'm always happy to write about others here too - those hometown heroes that truly are making a difference.  Sometimes I just bump into someone.  Occasionally a friend mentions a story, or I come across something in a newspaper or on television.  Another way of course is if you would help!  If you know of a person or organization that is doing something marvelous and making a difference for the better, share that information with us in the comments section below!

 

While the information is certainly wanted, so are more folks like that.  Don't be afraid to try new ways of giving.  Don't be afraid of changing the world!

from a cabbie

I have no idea who wrote this - I found I a while back on the internet and wanted to share it.  It's the kind of "feel good" story that I really like, and I hope it will have some meaning for you.   Again, these are not my words, but I wanted to share this great story with all of you on this beautiful December morning-

A NYC Taxi driver wrote:

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes, I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.

'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.'

'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'.

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.

They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said.

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day,I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

Yield

You’re driving down the street when suddenly you see a flashing light behind you and you hear a siren. What should you do? Apparently, some folks think to correct answer is step on the gas and try to beat the emergency vehicle, as you proceed on down the street. WRONG!

Let’s take just a moment to remember what it is that emergency vehicles do. An ambulance transports sick or injured people to hospitals and medical centers. More often than not, when an ambulance is involved, the patient is in urgent need of care and every minute counts. Fire trucks sometimes respond to medical calls and various random emergencies, but most of the time they are headed to fires, where once again, every minute counts. Police may be responding to any number of calls – a hostage situation for example, or a murder, robbery, or rape. Again, time is of the essence.

The flashing lights and sirens were developed to signal people that this is a vehicle that needs priority treatment. Please yield. Of course, one very good reason for doing so is that it is the law, and a heavy fine can hit you for not yielding. The better reason though is that it is simply the right thing to do. Would you like someone to die because you blocked an ambulance? Would you like someone to lose their house because you didn’t let the fire truck through?

You can make all the difference in the world with just a bit of road courtesy. Yield to the first sound of a siren!

Butterfly

Butterflies are beautiful. There are so many different species and so many different colors. Did you know though that it can be a picture of your soul? Well, according to Kwaidan: Stories and Studies of Strange Things, by Lafcadio Hearn, a butterfly was seen in Japan as the personification of a someone's soul; whether they be living, dying, or are already dead. They have been pictured as symbols of the recently departed on television and in movies.  It seems to me that makes them even more beautiful!

 

Every morning I go for a walk to begin the day. Most of the time it is dark out when I begin and sometimes it is still dark when I finish my walk. It's amazing how many beautiful things you can see even before the sun comes up. During that time of year when the sun is rising earlier, I listen to the chirping of the early birds, and I look for flowers and even butterflies. I'm not sure when they sleep, but I so the most amazing butterfly the other day. It would pause for a moment and just as I was about to take its picture, it would flutter away to another tree branch.

Yes, this isn't at all like most of my posts. Maybe it's just an observation as we experience a different kind of world with social distancing. It seems like connecting with nature is always a good thing though. There's is a certain freedom is seeing the natural beauty of our world. Butterflies seem so free. Even their eating habits are beautiful. They survive mostly on nectar. Wow! One of the lovely images of nature.

Unforgettable

I don't know how many of you ever read Reader's Digest magazine, but they used to have a regular series of the most unforgettable person you have ever known.  I read about some pretty remarkable people in those pages.  Here in this blog I have written about some pretty incredible people too.  There are many others of course.  Some people don't ever make it to the pages of Reader's Digest of course or even to the postings of my blog, but that doesn't mean they aren't unforgettable.

 

In the comments section below, it would be so helpful if you told us about some unforgettable people that you know of.  They can be personal heroes of yours or folks that you have heard about or friends that have done really fantastic things that you think other people should know about.  There are so many wonderful people in this world and it's great to hear positive, uplifting stories.  So, who do you think is unforgettable? 

This is an easy one.  Think back to your high school or college days or think back to your first job or to some really special person you met years ago.  Think back to any time.  You don't even have to write a lot.  Share some stories with us!  Who do you think is unforgettable?

Learning to be a hero

Does being a hero require a special license or certificate? Are there classes you can take to learn to be a hero? Can only some people be heroes?

When you come across a horrible car accident on the freeway and rush to the aid of the victims, you become a hero.  It wasn't something planned or studied for but rather it was a basic human response.  The same is true when you see injustice and you stand up and fight against it.  While you may have had more time to think about it and to plan your response, you are still there, not because of a special license you hold or because it is your job.  You fight injustice because it is what good people do for each other.  It is a basic response of our humanity.

We hear a lot about heroes these days - usually folks who are just going about their chosen jobs.  Anyone can be a hero and they come in all different kinds.  Most of the heroes in the world are those quiet unsung type.  They are making a difference without much fanfare and often without any acknowledgement at all, but by doing basic good things that will benefit future generations.  You likely have some people that you consider to be heroes.  Perhaps your parents or a favorite teacher or a boss from work.  Maybe a famous person is a hero to you because of something they have done.  Superheroes like Spiderman or Wonder Woman?  Not likely. 

Twelve years ago, a hero of mine died, my mom.  Can you learn to be a hero?  I suppose the answer is partially 'yes' because so much of who I am, I learned from her.  She was a great teacher of how to be good and how to love others.  She was a nurse, but that is just a small part of what made her a hero.  Not a day goes by that I don't act in ways that she influenced.  If I am a hero to anyone, it is because of what I learned from Mom.

Here in this blog I have introduced you to many heroes.  One of them is Jason Chu.  I even shared his video, Marvels.  The lyrics are so powerful, I still think of them from time to time.  The closing words are so very true:  "But I’ve learned: a hero isn’t about being super We become heroes because of what makes us human."

Watch your mouth

Have I ever said anything foolish? Have I ever spoken too quickly and then realized I sounded like a complete idiot? Have I ever said something that offended another person, even if that wasn't my intent? Well, the answer to all of these is yes. Yes, I have. It's actually pretty easy to do. We get caught up in the moment and simply blurt out the first thing that pops into our head, and being human, it isn't always something we are proud to have said.

Now, there are some folks who are always talking nonsense. I'm not really talking about them. It would be nice if they someday realized what was coming out of their mouths, but some people don't easily change. I'm talking more about the good decent folks who sometimes sound like they don't care. They said something that really wasn't well thought out.  We could all stand to watch out mouths.

 

Here's an example of what I'm talking about:  "You really don't look gay."  Think about that for a moment.  Recently I also heard "I had no idea.  She didn't look trans at all."  Are these statements meant as compliments?  Oh and then there are the stereotypes regarding race, ethnicity, religion, or any number of other things, that leave you scratching your head and thinking "Did she really just say that?" 

 

We're getting better.  I was watching an old movie the other night and it was so insensitive I was insulted to think anyone actually ever talked that way, but we did.  Shortly afterward, I watched an old tv sitcom, and this was so racially offensive toward Asians, that my jaw dropped.  The truth is, nobody meant anything bad at the time.  We just weren't thinking.  Very much the same as now, we sometimes open our mouths before we think.

Second month of the year

Yes, it is Black History Month, as I mentioned yesterday, but February is much more. It's the month many people have trouble saying (and for the record, most dictionaries give you a choice) and the month that is full of numerous observances including Valentine's Day on the 14th and Groundhog Day today. It is American Heart Month and National Bird-Feeding Month. 

There is actually an observance of some kind on just about every day this month, and in fact some days have multiple observances. Presidents Day is one of them. Also monthlong, this is National Children's Dental Health Month, Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, National Forestry Mulcher Month, and Bleeding Disorders Awareness Month. Yes, I know. Some of them sound odd, but these special days are either reason to celebrate or days designed to bring special awareness.

How are you going to spend your February? I urge you to take some time to learn about the first two things I mentioned. Find out more about heart health - it could save your life. Learn more too about Black history, regardless of your own race. At the end of the day, we are all one in the human race!

Celebrating Black History

Black History Month is celebrated every February in the United States and Canada.  Now there are those who don't like that such a commemoration exists. The wonderful actor Morgan Freeman, said: "I don't want a black history month. Black history is American history."  Yes, but isn't it wonderful to spotlight different groups of people and highlight their history and heritage?  

We celebrate LGBT Pride Month, Irish-American Heritage Month, Hispanic Heritage Month, Jewish American Heritage Month, and Filipino American History Month, among others. I think the more we know about ourselves and the more we know about others, the better we can all live together and get along.

February is then the month for African Americans. It was officially recognized by the US government back in 1976 thanks to President Gerald Ford and has been celebrated ever since. Most school kids have special programs during the month and local libraries, government groups, and museums and other businesses offer various lectures, plays, and presentations to highlight the history of African Americans.  I'll bet there are even some events where you live.

 

Regardless of your own heritage, take some time to look at the history of the great men and women who happen to have been African American.  Morgan Freeman is correct that Black history is American history and that is a very good reason for us to know it!

Getting rid of prejudice

"Prejudice and contempt, cloaked in the pretense of religious or political conviction are no different. These forces have nearly destroyed our nation in the past. They plague us still. They fuel the fanaticism of terror. And they torment the lives of millions in fractured nations all around the world."  President Bill Clinton spoke those words in his second Inaugural Address back in January, 1997.

Mr. Clinton went on to say "These obsessions cripple both those who hate and, of course, those who are hated, robbing both of what they might become. We cannot, we will not, succumb to the dark impulses that lurk in the far regions of the soul everywhere. We shall overcome them. And we shall replace them with the generous spirit of a people who feel at home with one another."

It has been twenty-eight years and yet the prejudice and contempt that former President Clinton spoke of are still around.  To me it seems to be getting worse.  He said that we shall overcome them, but when?  Are we working on it at all?  Are we even trying?

What do YOU think?