joy to you and me

What brings you joy? Think about it for a moment. There are probably numerous answers to the question. Close your eyes and picture all those special times. For many, the joy comes in the giving too. So how can a feeling of great pleasure and happiness be felt by those around you? What can you do to share the joy?

I realize I am always asking this same question in one form or another. I suppose it really isn't all that important that you write down an answer. (There isn't a wrong answer after all). How lovely though it would be if we could all be spreading that warm feeling of bliss.

I know that we have political issues these days, fears of our economy, our health in the midst of flu season, the ugliness of racism, and so many other worries. That does not mean that joy goes out the window. Maybe we just need to work on it a bit more!  It's the 6th day of Christmas and the 6th day of Hanukah.  There is reason for joy!

For me joy is splendid to be sure, but I'm one of those who is most happy when I am surrounded by happiness. When I see your delight, it in turn delights me. It's a kind of circle. There seems to be an extra amount of joy during the holidays.  Assuming that others feel the same way, we should all be spreading the joy because we therefore are all receiving it as well!

Mother's Letter to Her Gay Son

I came across this Christmas letter and I wanted to share it with you here once again. Of course, it wasn't written for this Christmas, but that really doesn't matter. I think I first shared it here four or five years ago. I don't know who the author is and I don’t even know if this is true or if it is fiction, but I was quite touched by it, and I hope you are too!

My dear Jacob,

As I was going through a box of keepsakes, I came across a Christmas list you had written when you were a young boy. On the list were things we could easily find in stores, and I always enjoyed finding them for you, wrapping them up and putting them under our tree. You were always so appreciative and opened them with great joy. The joy Papa and I felt was even greater.

There is only one gift I want to give you this year. I have wanted to give it to you for many years. I have tried in every way possible to find a way to give it to you. It would bring me the greatest joy of all.

How do I give you equality? How do I give you back the years you have missed "not being equal" in this world?

Your high school and college years should have been ones where you dated and went to proms and dances with someone you were attracted to and wanted to spend time with as a couple. You should not have had to spend those years working for your equality. You should not have had to defend your dignity. You should not have had to miss out on the simple pleasures of a young teen and a young adult.

There is no way I can give you back those years, those times when you should have been having fun, enjoying life, and growing from those experiences. You had a passion for justice even as a child.

I remember when you were 4 and refused to eat supper until I had actually written the check for Save the Children. You were the watchdog in your kindergarten classroom after you felt your teacher was wrong to rip up a child's painting in front of the class in her effort to teach them to write their names on their papers. On that day you spoke truth to power so eloquently as you confronted your teacher after school.

As soon as you came out to us, you wanted to start a gay/straight alliance at your high school. We worried for your safety, but even more for the isolation it might have brought as you worked to make it happen. You reached out to students, teachers, and the administration and created your school's first gay/straight alliance.

When you were in college and heard that there were students being kicked out of colleges simply because they were gay, you founded another organization to confront that terrible wrong. Each of those times you taught me to take action and not be silent in the face of injustice. You have led me, and you have taught me throughout your life. Maybe that is why it is so hard for me to face Christmas each year and not be able to wrap up the one gift I most want to give you.

As a mother, it is such a part of my being to want to nurture and love my children. It is the mother in me that wants to protect and provide for you. It is the mother in me that is hurting so much when I am helpless in being able to give you the one gift, I have wanted to give you since the day you told us you were gay.

I want to give you equality. I want to wrap it up in a beautiful box, and I want to put it under our tree right now. I want to see you open it on Christmas Eve and with great joy live with it all your days.

I love you,
           Mama

Merry Christmas??

Merry Christmas?

There will be those - there always are, who will utter this greeting with a question mark in their voices. What's to be merry about? A slowed down economy?   Bullying, homophobia, racism, and prejudice still rearing their ugly heads? Uncertain political actions? There certainly is a lot of bad news!  The absence of a loved one?

Old Scrooge in the wonderful Dickens classic was one of those who used to question the joy of Christmas. "Humbug!" That's how he summed it all up. Scrooge found out though, and just in time, that there is always reason to be happy - there is always something to be joyful about!

I am reminded of the words preached by Saint Leo the Great way back in the fifth century:

"Today our Savior is born; let us rejoice. Sadness should have no place on the birthday of life. The fear of death has been swallowed up; life brings us joy with the promise of eternal happiness."

May we carry that message with us with no question mark at all. Merry Christmas everyone!

O Holy Night

Finally!  The special night is here!  Tonight, people all over the world will be welcoming Christmas.  Tonight is also the start of Hanukah.  That doesn't happen very often.  Even people who have no faith tradition celebrate the various holidays that come at this time of year.

 

Whether you gather with family and friends in a church at midnight and sing O Holy Night (or perhaps Silent Night) or stay at home in front of a fireplace (or the yule log on television), or light the first candle of your menorah, I hope that yours will be an enjoyable celebration.

 

The holidays are different for all of us.  We all have different traditions.  Whoever you are and wherever you are, tonight should be a wonderful time.  Be happy.  Enjoy life!

All kinds of holiday giving

During December there are more and more demands on us.  Oh my!  Look at the stores these days!  One of the big demands is for the best gifts.  We spend huge amounts of money for presents we can't afford.

 

I've written about this before, and of course my way is not the only way, but I think the whole gift thing has gotten way out of hand.  This blog of course is NOT about me, but it's about the heroes in our world who make a difference.  I see more of them this time of year and they aren't the folks going broke because they are overspending.  They are the people giving in their own special ways, sometimes without even spending any money.

 

I volunteer at a hospital that each year gives gifts to employees and their families who are just scraping by and can't afford any kind of presents.  Other hospital employees and volunteers donate to a fund and that money, along with funds from the hospital, brighten the lives of a number of people.  Some chip in a buck or two and others contribute a hundred dollars or more.  It all adds up.  Nobody goes broke, but many share in the joy.

 

This is just one example.  There are hundreds - all across the country.  People give out Hanukkah and Christmas gifts, end of year presents, and lots and lots of food items for festive meals.  There really are all kinds of holiday giving.  Are you aware of some special kinds of giving in your community?  Share it in the comments section so that we can all be inspired by the generosity of others.  I'll share some other stories here too.

I owe it all to Mom

Today would have been my mother's 98th birthday.  Even though it fell five days before Christmas, we tried to make a big deal of it and celebrate it as a separate occasion.  Mom always enjoyed making a big deal out of other people's birthdays, instead of folks doing things for her.

I remember back when I was a teenager, I decided to make her a birthday cake.  Using a mix and following the instructions, I thought making green cake and red frosting (traditional Christmas colors) would be appropriate.  The little food coloring I put in first didn't seem to make much difference, so I added more, and then some more.  I had no idea that this extra liquid would cause problems with the baking.  The cake never looked done, so I tried to fix things by using a lot of icing.  Oh, and I didn't wait for the cake to cool - nobody told me.  It was awful!  REALLY bad.  Mom didn't think so though.  She talked about that cake for years and years.

She and Nana taught me about kindness - not actual lessons, but just by the way they lived.  They both became heroes of mine.  I've probably mentioned Mom here more than any other person, and that is certainly appropriate.  Although this blog is NOT about me, it is about making a difference, and Mom certainly did that.  Any good things that I might do I can easily claim that I owe it all to Mom.

She passed away in 2013, but I still miss her.  I know I always will. So many times, I have wanted to call her up and share some little thing.  Do me a favor folks, if your mom is still alive, call her up today, even if just to say hello.  If your mom has already passed on, call someone else and let them know what you mean to them.  Let's keeping spreading the love!

Toys galore

When I think of gifts for children, the first thing that comes to mind is a teddy bear. Toys of all kinds warm the hearts of kids, especially the ones who have little or nothing. The biggest gift-giving occasion of the entire year of course is Christmas and that's now just a week away. Toy drives for needy kids truly make a difference! Consider giving. It really doesn't have to cost a lot.

 

There are stores that each year put out collection barrels for various toy drives.  The largest and best known of these is probably the Marine Corps' Toys for Tots campaign.  Back in 1947 United States Marine Major Bill Hendricks got the ball rolling in Los Angeles, California, beginning with a handmade doll and continuing with a collection of some 5,000 toys for needy kids in his area.  That program continues to this day but now spreads nationwide.  

There are many regional and local programs too run by fire departments or police departments or other local organizations.  The hospital where I volunteer has a program.  There might be such a program in your town.  Last year a friend of mine in Las Vegas did an incredible drive himself, reaching out to all his friends.

 

This is certainly not an easy year but do what you can.  Check with your local schools, churches, police department, and local newspaper for toys drives that might exist in your area.  Perhaps you or an organization you are part of, would like to start your own collection process to help out too.  Remember, a toy in the hands of a child is a beautiful thing, especially in the hands of a child who has nothing.

 

Not yet Christmas

You wouldn't know it from the tv advertising and the scenes in most retail stores, but it's not yet Christmas. Some people have been celebrating since September!  Really. Why the rush?

 

I hear people say it every year.  They aren't going to decorate early. Christmas is such a wonderful time, let us give it our all, but let's wait until it actually arrives.  Oh, and the twelve days of Christmas?  Let's go back to celebrating that way, but the 12 begins on December 25th - that's not when it ends!

 

I love the season of giving and the emphasis that is placed on helping folks who are without.  I love the parties and the joy.  I really do.  What I am not a fan of is the rush and the early start.  Some folks begin trotting out Christmas decorations or merchandise before summer is even over!

 

So, let us continue with our preparations and let the season build slowly.  Let's not let any stores or businesses rob us of this great celebration and let it continue on after the sun sets on December 25th too.  Oh, and happy holidays?  I have no problem wishing folks happiness for the several celebrations that happen to come near each other each December, but there is also nothing wrong with a specific wish for a happy Chanukah or Christmas or Kwanza or New Year's, but not yet!

The Return

Way back in 2008, I began writing a daily blog.  It's NOT about me, but about making a difference in the world.  In 2017 I began writing an additional blog about kindness. Last month something happened.  I had already lost one computer a few months back.  Then my remaining laptop also broke down.  I had nothing to write on.

I could not afford to buy a new laptop.  I can hardly even pay my bills these days.  (I don't really want to go into more detail because this blog is NOT about me).  I did think about trying to continue using a library computer, but there are days when the library is not open, and it is also sometimes difficult to get there.  Then someone gave me a computer!  

Wow!  There are some marvelous people in the world.  Of course, I already knew that.  That is what I have been writing about.  After over a month without any entries in either of my blogs, I wasn't sure I should return, but there is still so much to say.  There are still many good things to write about.  Hopefully from time to time the words I write here make a difference.  And so, today is the return.  I'm planning on picking up right where I left off.

While we are waiting

While we are waiting for election results to all be clear and to be certified, let's all take a deep breath and get back to being good neighbors, good citizens.  I was thinking especially about random acts of kindness.  Feeding the hungry seems to be at the top of most lists, but there are so many ways to do this.  So today I give you a list, in no particular order, of various random acts of kindness, many of which cost little or nothing and take very little time.  Maybe some of these will give you ideas of your own!  

Here's a simple one: call, text, or email some folks you know have little contact with others.

Sing an employee's praises to their manager or on a comment card — a little recognition goes a long way. Believe it or not, people complain more often than praise even though most workers deserve the praise more often than the complaint.

 

Load extra money in vending machines to buy the next person's snacks when they come along.  It will be a pleasant surprise for them!  Leaving a few coins out at the laundromat does the same thing.

 

When paying for your breakfast in a restaurant, ask for the check of a random diner (especially someone who is elderly or who is dining alone) and pay it without their knowing.

Help a friend see today in a wondrous new light: present them with a kaleidoscope. (They really aren't very expensive and are available in most toy stores).

Donate blood.  This is a favorite of mine because it saves lives

 

My list could go on and on of course.  Perhaps you would like to add your own suggestions in the comments section below.

the importance of voting

Some places on this earth do not let the people have a say in pretty much anything. Then there are countries, like ours, where the people do have a voice, but sadly don't always use it.  Today is Election Day.  This year we seem to be hearing about it more than ever.  It has always been important.

 

In the United States, the people decide who holds office.  We choose our mayors and governors and legislators and sheriffs and of course we the people decide who will be our president.  We have the power!  State and local propositions are there for our consideration too.  There are important things for us to decide on.  Sadly, some folks never even register to vote and of those who do register, many don't even bother to cast a ballot.  Don't be one of them.  Let your voice be heard!

 

It's sad when we have this incredible right and we ignore it.  To be able to shape our towns and states and our country is a great privilege that, as I said, folks in many parts of the world cannot do.  Will we see results this week?  Some, but possibly not all.  It takes time to count votes.  This year it is expected to take much more time.  Turn on your tv and watch election returns, but don't expect to go to bed tonight knowing who won each and every race.  Before you watch those results though, let me again remind you to 

VOTE!

Boo

Every Halloween I think back to this lovely lady who used to live across the street from my grandmother. She decorated her porch, entryway, and much of her house. The trick-or-treaters weren't just greeted with some candy at the door, they were invited in! This was back in a kinder, gentler time when strangers did nice things for others. Each year more and more kids showed up as the word got around.

I can't remember this lady's name but everyone on October 31st called her the Halloween House Lady. Once inside you could help yourself to apple cider or cocoa, popcorn balls, homemade lollipops, and you could bob for apples. There was spooky music playing and she always had some kind of costume. It wasn't my neighborhood, so I didn't know most of the people coming and going. Nana walked across the street with my sister and I, but I think a few times we went over by ourselves. The big thing I remember was everyone left her house happy. We had fun.

In many parts of this country, it isn't safe to go door to door and it certainly wouldn't be safe to go into a stranger's house and eat unwrapped food and candy. Too bad. This lady made a difference. She brightened people's lives. MANY years later and I can still remember like it was yesterday!

twenty-three years ago

At the National September 11 Memorial and Museum at Ground Zero in New York City, is this wall with a quote from ancient Roman poet Virgil:  "No day shall erase you from the memory of time."  Indeed. Today there will be memorials and there will be discussion, and folks will retell their memories of that horrible day when four coordinated terrorist attacks by al-Qaeda against the United States happened on the morning of Tuesday, September 11, 2001.

Today is the anniversary of one of our country's most horrible days.  Yes, there have been other sad moments, but this was a morning of pure evil.  This isn't my first time writing about it of course.  I have written here about that black day in our history, every single year since I began this blog. 

We know about the nearly 3,000 who lost their lives and the 6,000 others who were injured.  There were heroes too - not just the firefighters, police, doctors, paramedics, and other rescue workers, but also the average folks who just happened to be there and who jumped in to help.  It was a frightening day, a dark day for our country, but it was also a day Americans can be proud of because of all the unselfish acts of heroism.

The museum in New York remembers the day and tells the story of thousands of people there.  You can find more information about what to expect there at their website https://www.911memorial.org/

it's My Right

Way back when our country began, only white males who owned property were allowed to vote.  There are those who would like to see that policy return, but thankfully the right to vote is now enshrined in the US Constitution and several amendments.  ALL citizens who have reached the age of eighteen, have the right to vote.

 

Election Day is just a couple of months away and we are seeing more and more political advertising.  Who should we vote for?  Does it even matter?  Yes, it matters a lot, and the good citizens will look at the issues and then make choices.  Now is a good time to start thinking about it.  Don't wait until the last minute to make these important decisions.  

 

It's my right.  I can vote or I can stay home.  Why would you choose the latter?  We can decide who our senators and congresspeople will be.  We can decide who will be our governor.  Think about it.  We have the power.  Together we can do some incredible things.  So many parts of the world don't have such power.  Why would we want to throw it away?  This year's presidential race gets so much attention that we sometimes forget about the other matters, but they all are important.

 

I cannot stress this enough.  If you truly care about your community, your state, your nation, get out there and let your voice be heard.  VOTE!  There really is a LOT at stake.

Labor is Life

Thomas Carlyle was a Scottish philosopher, essayist, teacher, and historian during the Victorian era and the man who gave us the wonderful quote that appears on this stamp. Today is Labor Day in the United States and Canada. The holiday did not exist back in Carlyle's day, but a day set aside to honor the worker is something I think he would have approved of.

Too many people these days don't get the significance of this holiday. It isn't about that last summer picnic or the day before school begins and it isn't about sales at the mall and your favorite department stores. Today is about the worker and about the unions that have made our laborers strong. 

Labor is something that every single one of us does at some point. Labor really is life! We need to work to earn money and we need to work to keep our bodies active and strong. While those picnics and sales are fine, take a moment and pause to think about the real reason for this day and be thankful for our strong labor movement.

Quoting Carlyle: "Labour is Life: from the inmost heart of the Worker rises his god-given Force, the sacred celestial Life-essence breathed into him by Almighty God; from his inmost heart awakens him to all nobleness; to all knowledge, 'self-knowledge' and much else, so soon as Work fitly begins."

Suicide Prevention

Preventing suicide involves everyone in the community and it isn't just a one day or one month affair, but September is a monthlong awareness time in hopes of getting more people involved.  The number one obstacle to prevention is silence.  While this may sound like a slogan.  It is very true.

Here are a few things that everyone can do: Ask someone you are worried about if they’re thinking about suicide.  Keep them safe. Reduce access to lethal means for those at risk.  Be there with them. Listen to what they need.  Listening is so very important. Follow up to see how they’re doing.  This simple information comes from National Center for Injury Prevention and Control.

If you're in a crisis, please dial 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You can also text HOME to 741-741 to instantly connect with a trained crisis counselor, 24/7, for free.

There is more.  The biggest thing is to break those old taboos.  Communication is very important.  Many health care providers are now asking the question "Have you ever thought about harming yourself"?  Despite years of not talking about the subject, people need to know it is okay to talk.  Silence is not helpful.

I am not a mental health expert and don't want you to think I have all the answers, but this is so very important.  Become more aware.  Care.  If you need help for yourself or someone else, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.  Please feel free to share this information widely.

happy birthday to many

August just happens to be my birth month, but as you know, this is NOT about me, so I won't talk about my own birthday, but I do want to mention a few more.  This is indeed the month to say happy birthday to many!

Today is the birthday of former President Barack Obama, who turns 63.  Another US President, Bill Clinton, turns 78 on the 19th of this month. I have a couple of dear friends who share the same birthday as me and a number of celebrities share the same birthday too (including Mary McCartney, Shania Twain, Jason Priestley).  The list for the month is actually quite lengthy. 

 

People like to be remembered on their birthdays - not necessarily with expensive gifts.  A card, email, or phone call can certainly brighten someone's day as well.

Long Walk to Freedom

It was on this date in 1918 that Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela was born. We knew him as a lawyer, politician, activist, great leader, philanthropist, and a person who did indeed change the world. His autobiography, Long Walk to Freedom, was published in 1984 and I can remember reading it around that time and thinking about how incredibly strong this man was to have done so much and to have endured so much. Mandela presided over the transition from apartheid minority rule to a multicultural democracy in South Africa and he showed the world how people from all backgrounds can work together.

If ever there was a poster person for what this blog is all about, it would be Nelson Mandela.  He was not only a great leader who made a huge difference in this world, but he did it with dignity and grace and a sense of humor. 

 

It was Mandela that said "There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires." Many of us experience our own long walk to freedom.  How about you?

Seeing Mandela's life and remembering his words can inspire us and push us forward.  In his words: "For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."
 

You'll never walk alone

We are getting closer and closer to this year's AIDS Walk San Francisco in Golden Gate Park. I have registered to participate for the 35th time and my fundraising is going along nicely. (Please click HERE if you would like to become one of my sponsors). Thanks so very much to everyone who has donated so far!

My personal finances won't allow me to actually be present this year, but I still want to raise awareness and raise funds.

One thing I will miss comes at the end of the opening ceremony each year.  There is a singing of a song that has become an anthem for AIDS Walk more or less, but as I think about the lyrics right now, I realize that it can easily be an anthem for each of our lives!

"You'll Never Walk Alone" is a show tune from the 1945 Rodgers and Hammerstein musical Carousel, and it had a popularity back in the sixties when Gerry and the Pacemakers recorded it. We could all get something every day of our lives though out of these wonderful and encouraging words:

When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high

And don’t be afraid of the dark

At the end of the storm, there’s a golden sky

And the sweet, silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind

Walk on through the rain

Though your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on, walk on

With hope in your heart

And you’ll never walk alone

You’ll never walk alone

Walk on, walk on

With hope in your heart

And you’ll never walk alone

You’ll never walk alone

Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness

It has been 248 since this document was written. How many Americans today know these words? If you were asked to recite the Declaration of Independence, could you? Most people are familiar with the first sentence of the second paragraph: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." What about the rest?

The first paragraph is something we had to memorize when I was in school: "When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation."

Today of course is Independence Day, the Fourth of July.  A document that refers to equality, and the act of standing up for ourselves back then, is something we should celebrate indeed. Where are we today though? We are missing a LOT of liberty here in this country.  There is so no true equality here.  How about life and the pursuit of happiness? With all the violence - the daily murders and assaults, it seems that so many are being denied their lives and basic happiness. With parades, fireworks and patriotic music over the weekend, along with picnics and boating, and baseball games, there is a lot of celebrating going on.  From where I sit though, we need to not only celebrate this wonderful country, but work to see that equality becomes the actually way we live, and that gun violence is something from the past. Think America is great? Think it can be greater?

I want to see the day when every person is treated with decency and with respect. We can make it happen. Let's stop the hate and heal the divisions.

Ellen

I would probably love Ellen Lee DeGeneres even if she wasn't an LGBTQ+ activist. I loved her sitcoms and her talk show and her movies, and I love her stand-up comedy performances. I also love her caring and her humanitarianism.

Lately I have been thinking about how much I miss Ellen.  I used to watch her daytime show regularly, either as it aired or a replay later in the day.  Her visibility as a gay woman was such a great thing for the LGBTQ+ community.  There was really something special though about all of those people she helped.

I'll never forget the time she featured two guys on her show who attended the prom together. They were best friends, but only one of the two was gay.

Ellen really has that whole "random acts of kindness" thing down pat. That's the part of her show I really enjoyed the most. She changed a lot of lives for the better and her closing line each day was such a great reminder - "Be kind to one another!"

Thanks, Ellen, for a lot of great entertainment and for being such a great role model.  Thanks for making a difference.  I hope we will be seeing more of you real soon.

It's Mikey Bustos Day

One of my favorite members of our LGBTQ+ community is Canadian Mikey Bustos. (His full name is actually Michael John Yadan Tumanguil Pestano Tilapia Bustos III, but I'll just call him Mikey).

For many years I have enjoyed the humor that Mikey shares in his videos and also his great musical abilities.  Click HERE to enjoy some of his music.  Earlier this year he performed with Debbie Gibson.

It was back in 2019 that Mikey came out as bisexual and also told us that he is romantically involved with his manager RJ Garcia. The two of them share a lot of their lives via social media, including a wonderful house and farm they built in the Philippines.  Last week Mikey's mom flew in from her home in Toronto and they headed off to a vacation in Vietnam.

I have written about Mikey for the past several years during Pride month, not only because he is openly bisexual, but also because today is his birthday.  Happy birthday Mikey and thanks for continuing to share so much joy!

Adam Bouska

During this Pride Month, I've been writing here about LGBTQ events and heroes.  Ever heard of Adam Bouska?  I have written about him here before, but his name might not be as well-known as some of the others I have written about.  I'm sure you have seen his work. Openly gay Adam is an American fashion photographer who was best known for his pictures of male models, until the NOH8 campaign.  That's him in the picture.

It was back in 2009 that Adam and partner Jeff Parshley, in response to the passage of Proposition 8, began NOH8. The photographs feature subjects with duct tape over their mouths, (symbolizing their voices being silenced by Prop 8 or other legislation), with "NOH8" painted on one cheek in protest, as in the photo here of Adam.  LGBTQ leaders and many celebrities were pictured at the start of Adam's NOH8 campaign and folks who believe in equality are still being photographed in this manner.

The photography of Adam Bouska has also been a part of fundraisers for HIV/AIDS, marriage equality, and pet adoptions.  Examples of his photos and more about Adam can be found on his website at http://www.adambouska.com/

Gilbert's Rainbow

Gilbert Baker has been written about before in this blog.  He certainly made a difference in this world.  When he passed away seven years ago, not only did I write about him, but his passing was reported on the tv network newscasts.  The rainbow flag that he created continues to give hope to people all around the world!

More tributes have come, including the naming of things in his honor.  I'm always amazed at how many know his story, and the story of the remarkable flag he created. While folks know about the flag, not as many know that Baker served in the United States Army from 1970 to 1972, stationed as a medic in San Francisco at the very beginning of the gay rights movement. In 1972 he worked on Proposition 19, the first marijuana legalization initiative in California. It was then that he learned to sew and made banners for gay-rights and anti-war protest marches. He also became one of the early members of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.

The posthumous release of his memoir, "Rainbow Warrior: My Life in Color" (Chicago Review Press, 2019), is a great way to find out more about him.

It was a joy for me to work with Gilbert Baker a number of years ago, and I will always be grateful for this man who really gave back and made a difference.  With every waving rainbow flag this Pride Month, and always, take a moment, and think of Gilbert.

Performing Arts and the LGBTQ+ Community

Everyone loves a good performance, right? Well, the performing arts has long been a safer place for the LGBTQ+ community, even though it is hardly perfect and full of stereotypes. Many people think that all male ballet dancers are gay, for example, and I happen to know dozens who are not.

It is still nearly impossible to find representation of trans or bisexual people in theatre, and gay women are too often narrowly represented in terms of stereotypes.  Things though are certainly better in opera, ballet, theatre, and other performing arts, then they might be elsewhere.  

It's lovely to see so many regional theatres opening their seasons in the middle of Pride Month. It is in regional theatre that so many of our LGBTQ+ sisters and brothers across the country are able to be themselves and perfect their craft. Don't get me wrong. Broadway is a wonderful exhibit of commercial theatre, but those small 99-seat theatres across the country reach some many people in those little places where there might not be any other opportunity.

Speaking of Broadway, how wonderful that the Tony Awards came last night, right in the middle on Pride Month. Hosted by queer superstar Ariana DeBose for the third consecutive year and featuring a number of high-profile LGBTQ+ stars and creatives. There was even a moment that brought me to tears - the acceptance speech by openly gay Jonathan Groff.  "My family knew the life-saving power of fanning the flame of a young person's passion without judgment… I walk through life with an open heart because you let me know that I could."

Love is love is love is love is love is love

Our LGBTQ+ heroes also includes allies - many of them, too many to separately write about, but there is one who always inspires me: Lin-Manuel Miranda.  He's a playwright, lyricist, composer, singer, actor, producer, and activist. Oh and a bunch of other things.  Most of you already know that.

Now when you work in the theatre, there's a good chance you will run into some gay people, but that doesn't necessarily mean you will be supportive.   Lin-Manuel Miranda is not only supportive, he inspires.

Back in 2016, right after the horrific Pulse nightclub massacre, Miranda won a Tony Award and his moving acceptance speech will long be remembered. "And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love. Cannot be killed or swept aside," he said in part.

Shorty afterward, he began selling a shirt at his official merchandise site which benefitted Equality Florida, a gay and lesbian advocacy group supporting victims of the Pulse shootings. On the front of the shirt if said "Love cannot be killed or swept aside.  Now fill the world with music, love and pride."  On the back, "Love is love is love is love is love is love."

The world can never have too much love.  Thank for inspiring us Mr Miranda and thanks for all the love!

Remembering Pulse

On June 12, 2016, a 29-year-old man shot and killed 49 people and wounded another 53 people in a mass shooting at Pulse, a gay nightclub in Orlando, FL. Each year since then, I have written about it here in this space. There is a lot of celebrating during LGBTQ+ Pride Month, but I don't want us to ever forget our tragedies. 

 

Officials have characterized the shooting as an act of terrorism, but it has not been called a hate crime. It has been argued that the shooter was not targeting the club because of gay patrons. While that may be true, the injured and the lives lost were mostly from the LGBT+ Community.

These are the names of the dead:

Stanley Almodovar III, 23

Amanda Alvear, 25

Oscar A. Aracena-Montero, 26

Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33

Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21

Martin Benitez Torres, 33

Antonio D. Brown, 30

Darryl R. Burt II, 29

Jonathan A. Camuy Vega, 24

Angel L. Candelario-Padro, 28

Simon A. Carrillo Fernandez, 31

Juan Chavez-Martinez, 25

Luis D. Conde, 39

Cory J. Connell, 21

Tevin E. Crosby, 25

Franky J. Dejesus Velazquez, 50

Deonka D. Drayton, 32

Mercedez M. Flores, 26

Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz, 22

Juan R. Guerrero, 22

Paul T. Henry, 41

Frank Hernandez, 27

Miguel A. Honorato, 30

Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40

Jason B. Josaphat, 19

Eddie J. Justice, 30

Anthony L. Laureano Disla, 25

Christopher A. Leinonen, 32

Brenda L. Marquez McCool, 49

Jean C. Mendez Perez, 35

Akyra Monet Murray, 18

Kimberly Morris, 37

Jean C. Nieves Rodriguez, 27

Luis O. Ocasio-Capo, 20

Geraldo A. Ortiz-Jimenez, 25

Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36

Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32

Enrique L. Rios Jr., 25

Juan P. Rivera Velazquez, 37

Yilmary Rodriguez Solivan, 24

Christopher J. Sanfeliz, 24

Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, 35

Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez, 25

Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34

Shane E. Tomlinson, 33

Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25

Luis S. Vielma, 22

Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37

Jerald A. Wright, 31

May we never forget these lives cut short.

Rainbow Reading

Thursday, I looked at records, and yesterday it was film, so what comes next? Television programs? (I don't think there has been enough content). Theatre? (Oh my! Where would we begin)? No today I decided to take a look at LGBTQ+ related books. 

Now a list, like I did the past two days, would be much more difficult when looking at books. Should I only include non-fiction? Should the author be part of the LGBTQ+ community? Should picture books be included? Does the publication date matter? Should it be a life-changing sort of book? Rather than worry about any of those things, I'm just going to throw out a few ideas.

If I were doing a "list" it might include Undoing Gender by Judith Butler, Queer: A Graphic History by Dr. Meg-John Barker and Julia Scheele, Our Lady of the Flowers by Jean Genet, Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson, and Call Me by Your Name by André Aciman. I might be tempted to list Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin, Wrong by Dennis Cooper, Reflections of a Rock Lobster: A Story about Growing Up Gay by Aaron Fricke, or even The Color Purple by Alice Walker.  I'm not doing a list though. It would really be too hard.

LGBTQ+ books aimed at children? There are several very good ones.  Grandad's Camper by British author Harry Woodgate, a picture book about a girl who helps her grandfather with his grief, is fantastic. Her same-sex grandfathers Gramps and Grandad toured all over in their camper, but Gramps has died and now Granddad isn't traveling anymore. Their amazing granddaughter comes to the rescue.  It's a very heartwarming story.

What about you? Are there some LGBTQ+ themed books that you are planning to read in the near future? Do you have some all-time favorites?

It's all about the movies

If not the music, maybe it's about the movies!  Who doesn't like a good film?  The number of motion pictures with an LGBTQ+ theme is not terribly extensive, although it certainly has improved.  All too often, if there was a gay man he was a stereotype.  Many of you have favorite films, and I even have a list of ones that I really enjoy.  This doesn't even include the many marvelous shorts that are LGBTQ+ themed.  Anyway, I've done this before here, but this Pride Month, I thought I would do it once again.  

So, here's my list: 20-Carol (2015), 19-Boys Don’t Cry (1999), 18-The Crying Game (1992), 17-The Queen (1968), 16-The Times of Harvey Milk (1984), 15-Transamerica (2006), 14-13-Love! Valour! Compassion! (1997), 13-Longtime Companion (1990), 12-The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994), 11-Milk (2008), 10-The Boys in the Band (1970), 9-The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love (1995), 8-Love, Simon (2018), 7-Aimée und Jaguar (1999), 6-My Own Private Idaho (1991), 5-The Birdcage (1996), 4-Call Me by Your Name (2018), 3-Brokeback Mountain (2005), 2-The Wedding Banquet (1993), and 1-Torch Song Trilogy (1988).

Now, I'll bet many of you have lists of your own.  Do feel free to share them here.  I'd love to know about the movies I might have missed.

It's all about the music

It's been said that gay people only like to party and have sex. WRONG!  The LGBTQ+ community is as varied as any group, and generalities are certainly not going to work here, but for many there was a time when the music and the clubs were terribly important.  As equality slowly becomes the norm, the party atmosphere isn't as important.

There was certainly a time when you had to hide if you were gay.  (In some places sadly, that is still true).  Going to gay bars and clubs was a release, a way to unwind.  It was also where you could meet other LGBTQ+ people.  This was important since you certainly couldn't be that open in school or at work.  Just as the clubs were important for socializing, so was the music. 

In keeping with Pride month, I put together a top 25 list of lgbtq anthems -- 25: Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) - Abba, 24: Same Love - Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, 23: Over the Rainbow - Judy Garland, 22: Ice Cream Truck - Cazwell, 21: Believe - Cher, 20: The Night I Fell in Love - Pet Shop Boys, 19: If I Had You - Adam Lambert, 18: Don't Leave Me This Way - Thelma Houston, 17: You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) - Sylvester, 16: True Trans Soul Rebel - Against Me, 15: Tainted Love - Imelda May, 14: Born this Way - Lady Gaga, 13: No More Tears - Barbra Streisand and Donna Summer, 12: Express Yourself - Madonna, 11: True Colors - Cindi Lauper, 10: Take Me Or Leave Me - Rent, 9: It's Raining Men - The Weather Girls, 8: Constant Craving - kd lang, 7: YMCA - The Village People, and a favorite of mine 6: Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly Fond of Each Other - Willie Nelson.  The top five -- 5: Your Song - Elton John, 4: I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor, 3: I Am What I Am - John Barrowman, 2: Raise Your Glass - Pink, and 1: I’m Coming Out - Diana Ross.

Now while you spend your day humming these tunes, remember that it really isn't all about the music.  There are important matters in life and those same things are true for the LGBTQ+ community, but these songs (and so many others) were an outlet in days when the closet was a necessity for so many.

Preference?

Do you like each of these ice-cream flavors equally?  Most, I suspect, will enjoy the one in the center back more and any other, while for me it's the one in the center front: strawberry.  Yum!  Why am I talking about ice-cream though?  Well, it's to say the same thing I have said many times here (even using ice-cream once before to help explain).  Being gay or bisexual is NOT a matter of preference.  This being LGBTQ+ Pride Month, I thought I would take a moment and explain this all again.

I would suspect that while you might enjoy chocolate more, an occasional vanilla or strawberry, or even a nice mint ice-cream would still make you smile.  Now, for those of you who are gay and reading this, do you find yourself frequently attracted to the opposite gender?  Do you act on that attraction?  Well, if the answer is yes, then you likely aren't really gay.  Our sexual orientation is a bit more complicated than a casual "shall I be with a man today, or with a woman?"

We all have to realize that being gay is not a lifestyle choice and it isn't a preference.  Please help me spread the word!

Pride Month is Here

LGBTQ+ Pride Month has arrived and this weekend several cities, including West Hollywood, Salt Lake City, and Dallas, will host big celebrations and festivals. With more than sixty countries having anti-LGBTQ+ laws, this moth is not just about partying though. Pride began as a protest, and that element must continue until everyone around the world enjoys equal rights and freedom from discrimination.

In his proclamation for Pride Month, President Joe Biden said yesterday "We reflect on the progress we have made so far in pursuit of equality, justice, and inclusion." He detailed some of his accomplishments for the LGBTQ+ Community and further said "To the entire LGBTQI+ community — and especially transgender children — please know that your President and my entire Administration have your back. We see you for who you are: made in the image of God and deserving of dignity, respect, and support."

So many advances have been made over the years, but sadly there has more recently been an increase in the number of state laws that severely restrict the rights of people based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. While there is going to be a lot of celebrating in the days ahead, there is still a lot of work to be done.

Mail call

Do you ever even see a letter carrier anymore? Remember when you used to wait for your mail each day? With so much instant communications now, fewer and fewer folks actually post cards and letters. Why? Isn't that still a valid form of communication? I say YES!! In fact, I'd love to see a movement to get back to sending letters and cards via the mail. (No card company put me up to this).

When I reach into my mailbox and find a personal letter or a card that someone has thoughtfully selected, it brings a smile to my face, and I want to immediately open it. I wish there were more.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love the internet and spend significant time on twitter, Instagram, and of course facebook. I love getting "newsy" emails too. Those though seem to be even more scarce. Folks will send an instant message of a text, but usually it's just a few words, and often even they are abbreviated.

We just aren't communicating with each other like we once did. Does anyone agree? Can I convince some of you to head down to your local drugstore or card shop and pick up a few greetings? How about a nice letter telling your friends and family that you are thinking of them? Of and while I'm at it, I'd love to hear from YOU too! One really easy way is simply to add your thoughts to the comments below. Let's communicate once again!

From a New York taxi driver

I have no idea who wrote this - I found it a long time ago on the internet and have seen it posted several times.  I've even shared it here before.  It's the kind of "feel good" story that I really like and again, these are not my words, but I wanted to share this great story with all of you once again.

A NYC Taxi driver wrote:

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked..

'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.'

'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'.

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.

They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said.

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day,I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

Celebrating nurses

In 1953, Dorothy Sutherland of the US Department of Health, Education, and Welfare proposed Nurses Day to President Eisenhower.  That was the first attempt to nationally recognize nurses.  Eisenhower did nothing.  President Richard Nixon finally did something in 1974 when he declared a week in February as National Nurse Week.  In 1990, the American Nurses Association began the current National Nurses Week celebrated from May 6th to May 12th.  Those dates were chosen because Florence Nightingale's birthday was May12.  

 

Now you know why I am writing about nurses today.  You actually only know one reason.  I have always had a great respect for those in nursing and really should write about them more often.  My mother was a nurse.  She was in the very first class of a school in Oneonta, NY and I can still recall her pride at her capping ceremony and all the hard work and dedication that she showed over the years at the many places she worked.

 

When Mom lay dying in a hospital back in 2013, I was again reminded of what angels nurses are.  While there were many wonderful professionals, there was one man in particular whom I will never forget.  He introduced himself to Mom the night she was admitted and then asked her what she wanted to be called.  That really touched her.  Someone cared enough to ask instead of just using her first name or calling her Mrs. - this guy asked.  It wasn't the only time he made an impression.  Just a few days later when her breathing had become difficult and she was in obvious distress, he was working in a different ward, but on my way to get her nurse for that day, I ran into him in the hall.  I was visibly upset and when I told him what was wrong, he turned and came immediately to her room telling me not to worry.  He stayed there with her for the next hour on what I later learned was his own time (he had gotten off just before I ran into him).

 

There are wonderful nurses who make a difference every day.  They take pride in their work and they care about their patients.  Let them know they are appreciated!