Before the Parade Passes By

There won't be dancing down Market Street in San Francisco today.  Today is when there parade was to have happened, but health concerns got it cancelled.  This is the weekend when many celebrations and parades were to have happened.

Since we can't participate in a live parade, I was thinking of watching some previous ones. Last night I actually watched a short video I made that I made at at Pride Parade a few years ago.  It was fun reliving that experience.  Something became very obvious to me just a few seconds into the video - everyone was smiling.  The people there were happy!

Human rights have certainly improved over the years, but there is still a lot of work to do.  Some folks have to stay in the closet or otherwise risk their physical safety, their housing, or their job.  Once a year many escape to places like San Francisco, Toronto, West Hollywood, or New York City, where they can be their authentic self.

No such gatherings this year unfortunately, but there are numerous things happening online, some of them are ongoing,

We Do

When I first began writing this blog, same-sex couples could only marry in five countries and one US state (Massachusetts).  The Netherlands had been the first country in 2001 and parts of Canada followed in the next years, finally making it nationwide in 2005.  Although California had tried several times, obstacles kept coming up. 

In 2004, the Mayor of San Francisco ordered marriage licenses be issued to same-sex couples whenever they applied.  The state Supreme Court issued a stay, but before the court stepped in, 4,037 same-sex couples were issued marriage licenses in San Francisco County.  During the same period, 103 were issued to opposite-sex couples.  Clearly there was an interest.

Over the years, I wrote here about marriage equality and I showed progress and laws changed in other countries and here in the United States. The fifty states each have separate laws regarding marriage, but all must adhere to rulings by the United States Supreme Court that recognize marriage as a fundamental right. It was a long road, state by state, but now same-sex marriage is legal in all fifty states.  It was five years ago on this date that the high court made it so.

The month of June has always been a popular month for wedding ceremonies, but it has grown even more popular with many lesbian and gay couples choosing June because it is LGBTQ Pride Month.  A lot of high profile couples have tied the knot in June, including Raven-Symoné and Miranda Maday who tied the knot earlier this month.

Same-sex marriage is available in 29 countries as of today, but that means there are still many places where it is not available.  Before there is true marriage equality, there is still a lot of work to be done.

Never Too Late

This man is proof that it is never too late.  He's been getting a lot of attention this month on social media.  His name is Kenneth Felts.  Originally from Kansas, he now lives in Colorado.  Mr Felts is 90 years old, oh and he just came out as gay!  That's right, for nearly a century, the whole world thought Kenneth Felts was heterosexual, but they were wrong. 

He has told his family and friends and on facebook was telling pretty much everyone.  His story has been shared and shared and even news stories have been written.  It isn't every day that someone comes out of the closet after 90 years, but there isn't an age limit.  It's never too late.

I have to admit that this is one of the most inspiring stories I have seen in a long time, but it doesn't stop there.  Mr Felts is participating in the 2020 Denver Pride Virtual 5K, a virtual event to benefit The Center on Colfax, an lgbtq organization in Denver, Colorado.  He set a modest $200 as his goal.  Well with all the publicity he has gotten he has already raised twice that.  I think it can go much higher!  Click HERE to go to his secure fundraising page.  To learn more about The Center, click HERE.  I really hope many of you will consider giving, even if only ten or fifteen dollars.  What a wonderful way to salute Mr Felts!

Coming out can be scary and difficult at any age.  At some point in your life some folks just give in to the lie and abandon their true self.  Look at the smile on this man though.  It suggests to me that Kenneth Felts is happy.  It suggests to me that it's never too late.

Your Turn

As my friend Michael so wisely pointed out, none of us is LGBTQ - we are not Borg.  Some may be lesbian and some may be transgender but none of us is all those letters.  Then there are those who prefer to identify as queer, or questioning, or fluid.  Like Gilbert Baker's wonderful flag, there is a whole spectrum.

So about you - what does LGBTQ Pride Month mean to you?  Do you appreciate the time set aside?  How about the changes?  What memories do you have (positive or negative) about LGBTQ history?  I'd really love to hear from you!

There have been many leaders and there continue to be famous LGBTQ faces, but the everyday people and in vastly greater number, and I think there are some marvelous stories out there!  Why not share some of yours?  Use the comment section below to comment on any of this month's blog entries, your coming out story, or any LGBTQ tales you would like to tell.  I hope a lot of you will be posting!

All the letters

Most people are familiar with the rainbow flag and the trans flag is fairly well know too, but what about this flag?  Do you recognize it?  This is the bisexual flag created by Michael Page to represent and increase visibility of bisexuals within the LGBTQ community and also within society as a whole.

Page says the pink represents sexual attraction to same sex only (lesbians and gay men).  The blue field represents sexual attraction to the opposite sex only (heterosexuals).  The overlapping purple represents sexual attraction to both sexes (bisexuals).

When Pride events first began, most of the emphasis was on gay men.  Gradually it has changed to include the entire LGBTQ umbrella, but some still don't get as much attention.  All of the letters are important, not just the first two.

The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) wrote an open letter to bisexuals last year which you can read in full HERE.  That letter says in part "Pride can be a hard time for those who fall within the bisexual, pansexual, queer and sexually fluid community.  Studies show that bi people make up nearly 50% of the LGBTQ community, but too often it can feel like we’re all alone, walking a line between being 'too queer' or 'not queer enough.'"  During this Pride Month, remember your bisexual sisters and brothers and remember too that all groups are important. 

Tour of Ken Jones

Black, a veteran (US Navy), openly gay, community activist,  and a survivor of HIV - even in San Francisco, it must have been pretty tough going, but Ken Jones keeps smiling and keeps on making a difference.  These days he even conducts tours and brings San Francisco's LGBTQ history alive in his walks through the Castro District.  Imagine all the delightful historical tidbits you can hear from someone who was actually there and involved.

Even before there was a gay rights movement, Ken Jones was there, and his involvement continues.   Ken worked on the committee for the new gay pride parade in San Francisco.  He was there when that brand new rainbow flag was first unfurled by Gilbert Baker.  He has been a leader in the fight against HIV/AIDS and for LGBTQ rights and equality.  I've had the great joy of meeting Ken and can honestly say his excitement and enthusiasm is contagious.

Besides his activism, Ken Jones is a wedding officiant and unites couples not only in the San Francisco, but all over the world.  I'll bet he has a lot of wonderful stories to tell about those ceremonies too.

I'd love to take you on a tour of the life of Ken Jones.  A good place to begin is his own website which you can reach HERE.  Truly a giant in the LGBTQ community and with no signs of stopping - thank you Ken for ALL you do!

Gavin

Some would argue that Gavin Newsom, more than any other individual, is responsible for making marriage equality happen in the united states.  Whether that is a fair statement is up for debate, but he certainly continues to be a strong LGBTQ ally.

The current Governor of California has gotten a lot of attention lately for his handling of the COVID-19 pandemic, but back in 2004, Newsom gained attention when he directed the San Francisco county clerk to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples.  He continued his support for same-sex marriage throughout the fight and even presided at the wedding of gay rights activists Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin. Newsom has officiated numerous same-sex weddings since then.

Last year, shortly after becoming governor, he signed into law a statute that ensures that transgender students can obtain their school records and diplomas with their preferred name and gender pronoun.  Newsom has also been a regular participant in various lgbtq events over the years, including the annual San Francisco Pride Parade and AIDS Walk San Francisco. Earlier this year, Newsom posthumously pardoned gay civil rights leader Bayard Rustin, saying that Rustin was convicted unjustly because of his sexual orientation.

In his proclamation earlier this month, declaring June, 2020, as LGBTQ Pride Month in the State of California, Newsom said in part "Pride celebrations may look different this year, but in California, no matter the circumstances, we are proud to support our LGBTQ community’s right to live their lives out loud. As we celebrate Pride across the state, we must continue to demand equal rights for all to create a California for all."

LGBTQ Organizations

During June we seem to hear more about various LGBTQ businesses and organizations, but must of these operate all year long and they deserve our attention.  Even the Pride Celebration Committees don't just suddenly spring up and then go dark after the events.  It takes a lot of time and planning to make Pride happen.

LGBTQ owned and operated used to be an unknown.  Oh we would assume that the gay bars were gay owned (although not all are), but what else? Well, depending on where you live, there may be a LGBTQ organization that helps keep track of other LGBTQ organizations.

The Nashville LGBT Chamber of Commerce is an advocate of the Nashville LGBTQ business community, representing over 400 businesses, community groups, and individuals in Nashville and Davidson County.  Check out https://www.nashvillelgbtchamber.org/ to find out more.  A similar group does the same thing for the Greater Los Angeles area and they are at http://www.laglcc.org/   Your community may have a place that does this.  Check with your local chamber of commerce.  Check with friends too and support the local LGBTQ owned businesses, especially those businesses which are invested in social justice, diversity, and equality.

Personally I don't like to deal with any business or organization that is anti-LGBTQ.  Sometimes they become well known when they campaign for a political candidate or cause.  Those are the companies to stay away from.  Then there are the solid supporters.  They may not always be LGBTQ owned, but if they are LGBTQ friendly, to me that means a lot!

The non-profits are important too.  There are some great national organizations and some that might be just local in your community.  I'd really like to say more about them and so I'll save it and devote tomorrow just to the LGBTQ nonprofits.

In Loving Memory

Just four years ago on this date, the worst mass shooting by a single gunman in American history (until the following year when the Las Vegas shooting claimed more lives), and the second deadliest terrorist attack on our soil since the events of September 11, 2001. It was at Pulse, a nightclub in Orlando, Florida.  It was a fun evening on that June night, until shots rang out killing 49 people and wounding 58 others.  I wrote here at the time that we must never forget.

This of course was not the first time a large group of gay people had been targeted. Another horrible incident occurred during the last day of Pride weekend in the French Quarter of New Orleans, Louisiana back on June 24, 1973, at a gay bar called the UpStairs Lounge. Thirty-two people died as a result of fire or smoke inhalation. Although arson was suspected - the smell of lighter fluid, the exact cause was never proven, but that does not change the fact that people died a horrible death.  There was not much publicity surrounding that incident either.  Some radio hosts even joked about it.

There are also those incidents that happen all too often when lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender individuals are viciously attacked, often resulting in death.  Today, during this Pride Month, take a moment to remember all from the LGBTQ community who died as a result of hate.  Let their memories live on.

That Certain Summer

Gay characters on tv?  Of course!  In 2020 we see gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender characters in main roles on network television in shows like Tommy, Modern Family, Star Trek: Picard, 9-1-1: Lone Star, and Council of Dads, to name a few, but it hasn't always been that way.  Over the years, there have been gay characters, but usually they were made fun of and treated with all the stereotypes.

Way back in 1959, a gay tv drama South was broadcast on the ITV anthology Play of the Week.  I'm not certain, but I think it was the first. In 1961 San Francisco public tv station KQED presented the first documentary on homosexuality to be seen on American television, The Rejected.  The last I checked, you could watch in on youtube.  When That Certain Summer aired on ABC Television in 1972, it was the first television screenplay to sensitively explore homosexuality through the story of an American family split by divorce.  Although just a tv movie with a single airing, That Certain Summer was groundbreaking. 

Hal Holbrook and Martin Sheen play the gay couple in That Certain Summer with Scott Jacoby as the 14-year-old son of Holbrook's character. The dad had divorced several years earlier and the boy does not know that his father is gay and in a committed relationship with his new life partner.  No suggestions of physical intimacy back then.  It's just a simple love story.

Do you have any favorite LGBTQ characters from tv land?  Is there a show with a LGBTQ theme that you particularly like?  Television has really come a long way since That Certain Summer, but has it come far enough?  Is there proper LGBTQ representation?  What do YOU think?

At The Movies

Seen any good movies lately?  Wait!  Have you seen any good LGBTQ-themed movies lately?  Yesterday I wrote here about the music, so today I move on to film and will share my top twenty pick for LGBTQ movies of all time.  (This is tough by the way.  There are a lot of movies out there)!

First I want to acknowledge that mainstream cinema does a much better job these days in showing our lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning sisters and brothers.  When I was a kid, it was rare to see a gay character in a movie and when there was, it was always some kind of freak.  It's so nice to see this better representation and it is wonderful to see such a great collection of movies with a specific LGBTQ theme.

So, here's my list:  20-The Queen (1968), 19-The Crying Game (1992), 18-Longtime Companion (1990), 17-The Times of Harvey Milk (1984), 16-Giant Little Ones (2019), 15-The Boys in the Band (1970), 14-The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love (1995), 13-Love! Valour! Compassion! (1997), 12-Boys Don’t Cry (1999), 11-The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994), 10-Milk (2008), 9-The Birdcage (1996), 8-Transamerica (2006), 7-Love, Simon (2018), 6-My Own Private Idaho (1991), 5-Call Me by Your Name (2018), 4-Carol (2015), 3-Brokeback Mountain (2005), and 2-The Wedding Banquet (1993).

Now I know a lot of you will disagree with this list.  Please feel free to tell me what I left out and also if my order was all wrong. 

Oh and did you notice I only listed 19 films?  Well I do have a number one choice - it's an oldie but a goodie.  I actually watch it over and over.  My number one selection is Torch Song Trilogy (1988), Harvey Fierstein's splendid adaptation of his play with Matthew Broderick, Brian Kerwin, the incredible Anne Bancroft, and an appearance by the great Charles Pierce.  I LOVE this movie!

Commit

There really is no simple answer to heal our nation and to finally achieve justice for all.  It will certainly take more than one act, but we must commit to seeing it through.  Every single human being deserves to be treated with dignity and respect and nobody should be discriminated against because of who they are.

One of the first things we can do is speak up.  If you see abusive behavior, don't look the other way.  This includes any kind of hate speech.  Don't participate in that sort of negative behavior and don't profile people.  We are all individuals.  Some of us may do bad things, but don't assume something bad might happen based on someone's race, ethnicity, religion, gender identity, sexual orientation, or any other reason.

Demand reform at all levels - in our police departments certainly, but also in our legislatures and all areas of government, and in the private sector as well.  Bad habits can be changed, but first we have to acknowledge that they exist.  We are seeing some progress in that area this week, but there is so much more work to be done.

Broaden your circle too.  If you only know people who look and think like you, perhaps it's time you made some more friends.  It's really hard to hate your close friends.  Throw out those stereotypes and get to know people as they really are.  Support local businesses too.  Look especially for Black owned or LGBTQ owned businesses (in some cities there are organizations that can provide you with a list.

The important thing is we cannot limit this to a week of protests or a month of progressive activity.  We need to commit to real change.  We need to stick with it.  That old man who was pushed could have been your grandfather.  That man who was shot could have been your husband or your brother.  That woman who was beaten might have been your own mother.  Put a personal face on these incidents.  Real human beings are being hurt over and over and over.  Commit to ending that hurt and stand against hate.

The Struggle Continues

"With liberty and justice for all."  Those are the closing words to the Pledge to the Flag.  Kids in many parts of the country begin their school day with those words.  Legislative sessions and business meetings often start that way too.  Liberty and justice for all - note that we don't say some, we say all.  It still isn't that way though. 

Pride month happens each year because so many LGBTQ people are still discriminated against.  Americans in all fifty states have been out in the streets these past few days because of discrimination.  Many Asians have been part of renewed hate because of COVID-19.  Hate seems to be growing and justice so often takes a back seat, if it is even there at all.  So many people keep struggling for basic liberties.  When will we achieve true freedom for everybody in this land of the free?  WHEN?

I must say I am encouraged by the actions of many lately.  Yesterday in San Francisco, a gathering organized by a 17-year-old girl listened to inspiring speeches from her and others as the crowd swelled to what one local tv station estimated was 12,000 to 16,000. A reporter for the San Jose Mercury News guessed 30,000. I saw the pictures. It was impressive. I heard the statements. They were pretty impressive too. People are talking about doing something and doing it together.

With a first aid station for protesters, the staff of a gay bar in North Carolina handed out granola bars and bottled water to them while also helping them wash pepper spray out of their eyes. Certainly an encouraging sign as the LGBTQ community reached out in support. Sadly the police there were not as supportive, shutting them down for what they say was "for riot-related crime control."

Social media has also shown cases of local police officers kneeling with protesters and hugging protesters.  Some police leaders have spoken out and pledged reform.  (I can still remember when gay bars were routinely raided by police, but reform did finally come there).  Houston's police chief marched with protesters this week saying "We will march as a department with everybody in this community. I will march until I can’t stand no more." Some people though confronted him over his record on police violence.

I see encouraging steps, but we need more.  Nobody should have to live in fear.  That liberty and justice we speak of truly must be for all.  I know we can achieve it, but until then, the struggle continues.

About yesterday

In full support of #BlackOutTuesday I was silent across all platforms yesterday - here in this blog, on social media, and even with email. I did it in hopes of calling attention, at least in a small way to the enormous problem of prejudice in this country.  More about that in a moment.

It was my intention to spend all of LGBTQ Pride Month writing here about LGBTQ matters and indeed I will.  Yesterday when for the first time since I began writing this almost twelve years ago, I showed only a black screen, I was indeed writing about an LGBTQ issue.  Black Lives Matter!  We need to put an end to the hate - ALL hate. How African Americans are treated in this country must be of immediate importance to each of us as a human being.  It's not just a Black issue, it's a human issue.

As I have said many times before, I do not have all the answers, but I think the first thing we need to do is finally admit there is a problem, and then actually work on solving it.  It really shouldn't be that difficult because it comes down to love and respect.

This week former President Barack Obama called on Americans to "a president, a Congress, a US Justice Department, and a federal judiciary that actually recognize the ongoing, corrosive role that racism plays in our society and want to do something about it."  We heard too from former President George W Bush who said "t remains a shocking failure that many African Americans, especially young African American men, are harassed and threatened in their own country."  We need to listen to them.

#BlackOutTuesday began as #TheShowMustBePaused on Instagram and involved an untold number of people. It might not have been exactly as it was originally meant, but it did bring awareness, and that's a good beginning. Now, we must continue forward and bring about real change. I hope you are ALL onboard!

BLACKOUTTUESDAY