More to Come

One of my memories from childhood is sneaking those moments from Johnny Carson's late-night program, when I was supposed to be in bed.  I always enjoyed Johnny both as a comedian and as an interviewer, but the odd thing that stands out in my mind is that whenever they broke for a commercial, it would say on the screen More to Come.  A lot of people look at New Year's Eve as an end time, but I prefer to think about more to come.

 

Yes, in a few hours 2023 will be gone.  The very moment it leaves though, 2024 is here.  It happens like this every year.  The world keeps on spinning and anything you were doing at 11:59, you can continue doing at 12:00 and 12:01.  Some people get all bummed out that things were neglected, and goals were not met.  I'll be the first to admit that things don't always go the way we plan, but sixteen hours before the year ends, is not a good time to lament our failings.  The next year will give us new opportunities and new chances to do wonderful things and take another crack at those goals or even come up with some new ones.

 

I could take this time today to look back on the bad things that occurred in 2023, but enough other people are doing that.  I could also look at the wonderful things (and may still revisit some of them in the days ahead). There is some good after all in every year.  I want instead to look at all of our days yet to come.  How many days we have will of course vary.  How we use them will vary too.  We can sit all alone and think about all of the negativity in the world, or we can add our own positive spark to it.  As I say all the time, WE can make a difference.  WE can do good things for others.  WE can be the heroes that our world needs.

 

What will we do in 2024?  The possibilities are enormous!  Let's change the world for the better.  Let us spread justice, equality, peace, and love.  We don't run out of time at midnight tonight.  There is still more to come!

joy to you and me

What brings you joy? Think about it for a moment. There are probably numerous answers to the question. Close your eyes and picture all those special times. For many, the joy comes in the giving too. So how can a feeling of great pleasure and happiness be felt by those around you? What can you do to share the joy?

I realize I am always asking this same question in one form or another. I suppose it really isn't all that important that you write down an answer. (There isn't a wrong answer after all). How lovely though it would be if we could all be spreading that warm feeling of bliss.

I know that we have political issues these days, fears of our economy, our health in the midst of flu season, the ugliness of racism, and so many other worries. That does not mean that joy goes out the window. Maybe we just need to work on it a bit more!

For me joy is splendid to be sure, but I'm one of those who is most happy when I am surrounded by happiness. When I see your delight, it in turn delights me. It's a kind of circle. There seems to be an extra amount of joy during the holidays.  Assuming that others feel the same way, we should all be spreading the joy because we therefore are all receiving it as well!

Say what??

When someone mentions their doctor, do you automatically picture a man? If a man says he wants you to meet his spouse, do you immediately think he is referring to a woman? We need to change the way we think and the way we say things! (I prefer saying husband or wife instead of partner or spouse because it gives more information). If we really believe in equality though and really support same-sex marriage, we should think about things like this.

I remember a television commercial for a deodorant, many years ago that talked about an airline pilot. Viewers were thinking of a man flying the aircraft, but in the last frame we see that it is actually a woman. Flight attendants too - we seem to mostly think female, even if your last flight had an all male cabin crew.  

Even those of us who fight every day for equality, can't get those images out of our head that we have been conditioned to see. When reading someone's biography, when we see that they are married, most of us still assume the opposite sex.

Sometimes I hear people refer to God as He.  How many of us really picture the Almighty with gender? I was thinking about terminology and how we often speak with words that are outdated.  With that in mind, Pronouns that refer to gender are often misused out of ignorance.  Our transgender sisters and brothers should expect that they will be referred to with the gender they identify with.  It is ignorant to call a man 'she' and just plain mean to say 'it.'

Is it conditioning or prejudice? Can we open our minds to see a bigger picture?

Never worry about numbers

When you care about other people - when you want to change the world and make this a better place, we so often think in terms of numbers.  We want to make it better for everyone.  Suddenly though we feel overwhelmed and so we stop.  We wanted to do good but because we felt we wouldn't make "enough" of a difference, we ended up doing nothing at all.

I can relate to this.  I always think big and urge others to do so as well, but numbers really are not all that important.  What we need to do is to get involved and to stick with it!  Step by step - one by one, our grassroots efforts really do make a difference.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta, now Saint Teresa,  proved this during her lifetime.  She spoke of it too.  "Never worry about numbers," she said.  "Help one person at a time, and always start with the person nearest you."

crumpled paper

You may recall this story. I've told it here before, but I really like it. It is a story that has been told and retold over the years. It's about a teacher who was telling her class about bullying and gave them an exercise to perform. She had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stamp on it and really mess it up, but not to rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty it was. She then told them to tell it they are sorry.

 

Okay, that may seem rather odd - talking to a piece of paper, but think of the deeper meaning here.  Sometimes a child who is bullied will later receive apologies, but the damage has already been done. In this exercise, even though they said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bully’s another child - they may say they’re sorry but the scars are there forever.

Bullying isn't just done by kids of course and it isn't somehow worse in some cases than in others.  ALL bullying is bad.  ALL bullying hurts and damages another person.  ALL bullying needs to stop.  We have heard a lot in recent years about the bullying of gay kids, but let me be clear. While gay kids are so often the targets of bullies, ALL bullying is bad. We need to get rid of it ALL.  Even when it comes from famous people or from elected officials.

I have been writing here for just over fifteen years and often speak out about bullying.  Have my words made a difference?  The kids in that classroom certainly learned an important lesson. The looks on the faces of the children told their teacher that the message had indeed hit home. I hope this hits home with all of you too.  What can we all do to help end the bullying?   

favorite times of the year

When I was young, I always looked forward to this month. I loved the colder weather and the snow, and of course I loved Christmas. This is also the month when there is a break from school, and that is always nice. My mom's birthday came in December too, and then there were all the other holiday parties. Good times!

August though could also be a favorite time. We would be out of school then. There were so many fun summer activities. Oh yeah and my birthday! What about November? I liked that a lot too with Thanksgiving (I love the traditional dinner) and Veterans Day breaks from school or work. Fall leaves are always so pretty! Of course May can be fun, with summer right around the corner, and those wonderful Memorial Day picnics! Come to think of it, there is something to look forward to in every month.

You get the idea.   We don't have to reserve our fun to just one day or one week or one month.  Why not make the best of every single day?  Let's live life to the fullest.  I think I am going to have 365 favorite times this year!

I owe it all to Mom

Today would have been my mother's 97th birthday.  Even though it fell five days before Christmas, we tried to make a big deal of it and celebrate it as a separate occasion.  Mom always enjoyed making a big deal out of other people's birthdays, instead of folks doing things for her.

I remember back when I was a teenager, I decided to make her a birthday cake.  Using a mix and following the instructions, I thought making green cake and red frosting (traditional Christmas colors) would be appropriate.  The little food coloring I put in first didn't seem to make much difference, so I added more, and then some more.  I had no idea that this extra liquid would cause problems with the baking.  The cake never looked done, so I tried to fix things by using a lot of icing.  Oh, and I didn't wait for the cake to cool - nobody told me.  It was awful!  REALLY bad.  Mom didn't think so though.  She talked about that cake for years and years.

She and Nana taught me about kindness - not actual lessons, but just by the way they lived.  They both became heroes of mine.  I've probably mentioned Mom here more than any other person, and that is certainly appropriate.  Although this blog is NOT about me, it is about making a difference, and Mom certainly did that.  Any good things that I might do I can easily claim that I owe it all to Mom.

She passed away in 2013, but I still miss her.  I know I always will. So many times, I have wanted to call her up and share some little thing.  Do me a favor folks, if your mom is still alive, call her up today, even if just to say hello.  If your mom has already passed on, call someone else and let them know what you mean to them.  Let's keeping spreading the love!

once we are gone

When someone passes away, there is usually some kind of public announcement including a newspaper obituary.  A funeral or memorial of some kind follows, usually within a week or so.  Then what?  How often do we think about the person who has died?  Do we think about them at all?

I know this is a rather grim subject, but the other day someone on social media mentioned George Burns.  I was amazed how many people had know idea who George Burns was.  He was a celebrity.  He was in the public eye.  He was a celebrity.  Imagine if he wasn't well known in his lifetime.  Would anyone remember him at all.  

There is a Bible passage that says something about this. It's from the 44th chapter of Ecclesiasticus, verse 9. "There are others who are not remembered, as if they had never lived, who died and were forgotten, they, and their children after them."

I know it is very important for some folks to be remembered.  Some spend money to have their name engraved in places where it will often be seen and some spend moeny to have buildings or other locations named after them.  Does it matter at all if we are remembered after we die?  Is one of our purposes here during our life to leave a mark?  

I will admit that I have no answer to this at all.  I do think it's a shame that some lovely people are simply forgotten once they are gone.  Let me turn to you though - what do you think?

All kinds of holiday giving

During December there are more and more demands on us.  Oh my!  Look at the stores these days!  One of the big demands is for the best gifts.  We spend huge amounts of money for presents we can't afford.

 

I've written about this before, and of course my way is not the only way, but I think the whole gift thing has gotten way out of hand.  This blog of course is NOT about me, but it's about the heroes in our world who make a difference.  I see more of them this time of year and they aren't the folks going broke because they are over spending.  They are the people giving in their own special ways, sometimes without even spending any money.

 

I volunteer at a hospital that each year gives gifts to employees and their families who are just scraping by and can't afford any kind of presents.  Other hospital employees and volunteers donate to a fund and that money, along with funds from the hospital, brighten the lives of a number of people.  Some chip in a buck or two and others contribute a hundred dollars or more.  It all adds up.  Nobody goes broke, but many share in the joy.

 

This is just one example.  There are hundreds - all across the country.  People give out Hanukkah and Christmas gifts, end of year presents, and lots and lots of food items for festive meals.  There really are all kinds of holiday giving.  Are you aware of some special kinds of giving in your community?  Share it in the comments section so that we can all be inspired by the generosity of others.  I'll share some other stories here too.

Give something back

Giving something back is not just one simple formula. There are so many ways of giving back and they all make a difference in this world of ours.

Pay a compliment at least once a day or go even further and say something nice to everyone you meet today. It doesn't even cost you a penny. Volunteer to read to kids in the library - that doesn't cost anything either, and oh what a reward you will get! Donate time at a senior center, at a playground, at a hospital, or an animal shelter.  Give time to your church or a community center or help a neighbor.  There are so many possibilities.

Of course giving of material gifts including money is very helpful too.  Some folks are able to do this more often than others.  Give up that morning cup of coffee and use that money to donate to a cause.  You see, it doesn't have to be difficult.  Everyone though can give of themselves, even if it is only occasionally.

Try it!  You will immediately be glad you did.

Human rights

All lives matter.  No exceptions.  This isn't really an original thought.  I wrote here in March of 2012 that All Lives Matter.  Lately I have gotten a bit of grief saying I was moving away from the injustice that is directed toward black people, particularly black men.  Well certainly black lives matter - although from the actions of some police departments and some grand juries, one would certainly see why that would be questioned.

Whether or not me words from over eleven years ago connect with anybody, the point is, I wrote them and I did it a long time ago, so despite those who say I was changing the wording of a sign, that is not the case and I am still not trying to deny a huge problem that exists within our society.  I'm saying though the very same thing I said back then (click HERE to read my original post).  It is a message which I have always given, that ALL lives matter.  I have stood in the street many times and on the steps of government buildings and in protest marches and said quite clearly that ALL lives matter.

Now, quite often I was speaking out about a particular issue or for a particular group, but regardless of who is being discriminated against, we are all a little bit less because of it, because we should ALL be treated fairly and equally and with dignity and justice.  That's what today is all about.  Today is International Human Rights Day and we need to respect every single individual here in this country and in every single corner of the world.  In 1948 the United Nations General Assembly adopted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.  We still have a long way to go to recognize and make those words a reality.

Human rights are for everybody - no exceptions.  There is no superior race or religion or gender.  We all matter, or at least that's the way it should be and this is what we should be striving for.

I wish you enough

This story was recently shared with me by a friend.  I found it very powerful and asked if I might share it further with all of you.

Recently overheard was a father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'

The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.'

They kissed and the daughter left. The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'

'I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral,' he said.

'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

He began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.'

He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.' Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.
     
       I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how              gray the day may appear.
       I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
       I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and                          everlasting.
       I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may            appear bigger.
       I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
       I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
       I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

He then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them.

 

Our pathways

It's often difficult to put ourselves in someone else's shoes to appreciate their journey in life, if we haven't experienced the same things as they have. It is very kind though to find compassion for their situation and lend a listening ear when needed.

There is an old saying "Don't expect everyone to understand your journey, especially if they've never has to walk your path."  How very true.  My goals may possible be the same goals that you have, but we just might have different ways of getting there.  Now, I don't mean to suggest that my way is the best way or the only way, the word I would is "different."  Out pathways may be different from each other.

 

We don't all travel on the same road.  Our pathways are different.  Some of us go in different directions but still end up in the same place.  Some of us go around in circles or walk paths that seem to lead nowhere.  When we encounter each other along the way though, we should stop and meet and share our common stories.

 

The pathways of life are varied but they are best enjoyed when shared with others.

Paying it forward

In his 1841 essay Compensation, Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: "In the order of nature we cannot render benefits to those from whom we receive them, or only seldom. But the benefit we receive must be rendered again, line for line, deed for deed, cent for cent, to somebody."  In other words, instead of paying back the person who did this good for you, pay it forward to someone else.
 

The idea isn't a new one but it can certainly be extraordinary.  In his movie, Haley Joel Osment, tries to make a huge difference in the lives of others after his teacher assigns the class to think of something to change the world and put it into action. Osment's character begins a movement that is responsible for some pretty incredible actions.  (This film by the way is twenty years old so some you may not have seen it.  Take a look.  It's very uplifting).
 

I'm not just talking here about random acts of kindness, although sometimes they are the same.  There may be another movement these days because I have certainly been hearing a number of heartwarming stories. Even in the midst of this pandemic I am hearing stories of generous gift-giving and of restaurant servers receiving unusually high gratuities. 

 

Of course we may not all have the funds to be this generous, but we can still help.  Maybe a group of people will get together for a cause.  Several people working together will lower the cost.  The cost does not have to be high either.  Next time you are in a restaurant and you see a waiter heading to someone's table with their check, intercept that server and pay the check yourself.  Paying it forward will really make you feel wonderful.

Watch your mouth

Have I ever said anything foolish? Have I ever spoken too quickly and then realized I sounded like a complete idiot? Have I ever said something that offended another person, even if that wasn't my intent? Well, the answer to all of these is yes. Yes, I have. It's actually pretty easy to do. We get caught up in the moment and simply blurt out the first thing that pops into our head, and being human, it isn't always something we are proud to have said.

Now, there are some folks who are always talking nonsense. I'm not really talking about them. It would be nice if they someday realized what was coming out of their mouths, but some people don't easily change. I'm talking more about the good decent folks who sometimes sound like they don't care. They said something that really wasn't well thought out.  We could all stand to watch out mouths.

 

Here's an example of what I'm talking about:  "You really don't look gay."  Think about that for a moment.  Recently I also heard "I had no idea.  She didn't look trans at all."  Are these statements meant as compliments?  Oh and then there are the stereotypes regarding race, ethnicity, religion, or any number of other things, that leave you scratching your head and thinking "Did she really just say that?" 

 

We're getting better.  I was watching an old movie the other night and it was so insensitive I was insulted to think anyone actually ever talked that way, but we did.  Shortly afterward, I watched an old tv sitcom, and this was so racially offensive toward Asians, that my jaw dropped.  The truth is, nobody meant anything bad at the time.  We just weren't thinking.  Very much the same as now, we sometimes open our mouths before we think.

Remembering that great deli

It has been ten years since Joe Sattler, owner of Moishe’s Pippic in San Francisco served me my last sandwich there. After twenty six years, he closed down and retired. Moishe’s Pippic was no more. What a guy! What a place! I wrote about it here at the time.

My mom enjoyed eating at Moishe’s Pippic and we went there whenever she came to town. She even had a nice roast beef sandwich from there on her last birthday, a year before they went out of business.

So why am I writing about them now?  Well, this was such a special place, it deserves to be remembered.  Joe Sattler always warmly welcomed me when I went it.  So did Abel Preciado, the only other person who worked there.  Often when I visit San Francisco, I have run into one or both of them.  Abel went to work at a nearby restaurant and so many were delighted to see him there.  Joe ended his retirement and went to work at a chocolate shop in the same neighborhood.  

Was it Joe or was it Abel that made Moishe's so special?  I think it guys beyond these two really nice guys.  It was the menu and the neighborhood and the customers and the mix of all wanting to give each other a nice day.  I will always carry find memories with me and hope that more and more places start offering this brand of kindness.

Just plain folks

Growing up, must of the people I came in contact with were just plain folks. I have always found ordinary, down-to-earth, unpretentious people to be so much more attractive than the folks who expect you to be impressed by their name or their bank account or their social standing.  We are all "people" and we were all created equal. 

 

The blog is not to impress you and in fact I seldom mention my name here and I do often point out that this is NOT about me.  It's no big deal that I write a daily blog - for a while it seemed like everyone did.  (Actually I write two daily blogs, but who's counting)?

 

You can be as plain as apple pie.  (I happen to like apple pie).  The things you do will impress me more than the money you have in your pocket.  You may not do things so that others will be impressed.  That impresses me even more!  If everyone treated everyone equally and we were all simple and down to earth, how wonderful this world would be!

Let Communities Lead

Long before anyone heard the term AIDS, people were already dying. It was "4 H disease," because the first cases were found among homosexuals, hemophiliacs, Haitians, and heroin users. Later the name was changed to GRID, for Gay related immune deficiency.

The epidemic began officially on June 5, 1981, when the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported unusual clusters of Pneumocystis pneumonia caused by a form of Pneumocystis carinii in five gay men in Los Angeles.  It didn't have an official name until the summer of 1982, when the CDC began referring to the disease as Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome or AIDS.

 

Over the years, research has been important, but so too has been patient service, education, and erasing the stigma. Annual events like AIDS Walk and AIDS LifeCycle have given support, and so are the many events that take place each year on December 1st, World AIDS Day. In 2023 Let Communities Lead is the theme emphasizing the role of communities in breaking the stigma and raising awareness about HIV and AIDS to the world.

So many people I have known have died because of HIV/AIDS, but things have gotten better and people are living longer.  AIDS is still with us though and so the fight must continue!  Awareness is such an important part of that fight, so this World AIDS Day, do something and help spread the word.