Big step forward

Probably most people would say that they want to go forward and increase their income, their knowledge, their circle of friends, and so on. Heading forward is looked at as something positive. Standing still can become boring, no matter how comfortable it might be, and going backward is like giving up. How fast should we move through and should we work with others along the way, or do it all by ourselves?

I'm sure you can already guess what I am going to say. Together is always better.  There is strength in numbers and teamwork gets things done quicker.  Also, imagine how much help you can offer to those with less experience, and think of the help too, that can be offered to you.

 

So fast, or slow?  Baby steps or big ones?  Well sometimes you just have to take a risk.  A big step forward can have wonderful results, but it might be a little scary too.  Think about how much you believe in what you are doing and what is at stake.  Don't be afraid to ask friends and loved ones for their take on it too.  Asking for advice does not make you weak - it makes you smart. 

 

As 2021 winds down and we head to a brand-new year, let's all head forward, at a pace that is comfortable for us, and let's plan on winning.  Along the way, let's reach out to others and help them in their steps forward as well.  All the best to you in 2022!

A very pleasant journey

The music of Journey brings me great joy. Their songs are legendary:  After All These Years, Don't Stop Believin', Separate Ways (Worlds Apart), Open Arms, Faithfully, and of course Lights.  I must admit to usually getting a few tears when I hear lights.  Music has a superpower.  It makes us feel good.  Jonathan Cain's keyboards are always perfect and Arnel Pineda's voice is like a foretaste of heaven.

If for some reason you don't know about Journey, do yourself a favor and go to youtube or your favorite platform, and listen.  I know you will be pleased.

It's not just the music though.  There is a whole lot more.  Sometimes when someone is famous, they become puffed up and conceited, but these guys seem to be so very kind and down-to-earth.  I was looking recently at comments from lead singer Arnel Pineda talking about spreading the love.  Oh my!  We do indeed need more of that.  I've actually written about Arnel here in the past, and I have a feeling I will write more in the future.  He's one-of-a-kind.

Enjoy your last day of 2021 and take a very pleasant journey with the music of Journey. 

End of Year Donations

This year has been challenging, VERY challenging. The pandemic shut down many economic sectors, which lead to increased homelessness, higher unemployment and surging food insecurity. When people don't have money, they don't give money, and so many nonprofits are struggling under increased demand for services and decreased support. 

I'm aware of how hard it is for so many, but at the same time, some have remained financially stable, and in some cases even done better. Some businesses have reworked their plan and now do different or additional things (such as producing masks or sanitizer products) and have increased revenue. 

My point here is that we are all in different financial situations, but charities can always use a hand. Many of them will be asking for end of year donations, and if charitable giving is important to you, perhaps there is a way you can help out. Take care of your own needs of course, but if 2021 has been good to your pocketbook, consider an extra donation to some of your favorite nonprofits.

Your own person of the year

We are getting closer and closer to the end of 2021 and I was thinking this morning about who I might choose as Person of the Year. (I do have someone in mind).  Time Magazine of course does this annually and most of the time I have agreed with their choices (although not always).   How about if instead of this big overall person Time chooses, we all came up with our own person of the year?

Is there someone who really made an impact on you in 2021? Think about it. Perhaps a famous person did something that you felt personally or perhaps someone you work with or a friend or a relative did something that was so significant that it really made your life better.  

Some organizations choose an annual person of the year and some do it in various categories. Each one of us could do the same thing. The persons we choose wouldn't get an article about them or a magazine cover, but perhaps if someone really made a difference in your life this year, you could simply tell them!

We do still have a few days left of course and Time already made their choices but think about it for a moment. Who would YOU choose?

Habari Gani?

The second day of Christmas each year also happens to be the first day of Kwanzaa, so there is plenty of reason to keep on celebrating. (New Year's is next week, too). The greeting for each day of Kwanzaa is "Habari Gani?" which, in Swahili, simply means "How are you?" or "What's the News?"

So, just what is the news on this unity day, the first day of Kwanzaa? Are we united? Can we strive for and maintain unity in the family, the community, and in our nation? Kwanzaa was established in part, as a means to help African Americans reconnect with their culture and heritage. The bumpy race-relations in this country, which seem to have gotten worse in recent years, cannot be a part of any kind of celebrating, but the coming together of people for the better good, should always be embraced. 

People have taken to the streets in many parts of the country and cried out "enough!" There needs to be true equality, which we get from unity. Perhaps we will truly have it one day.  Of course, that only happens when people care.  I would love to see Kwanzaa more widely celebrated and I'd like to learn more about it too.  

Let's all learn about each other, and care about each other.  What a wonderful way to celebrate!

Mother's Letter to Her Gay Son

I came across this Christmas letter and I wanted to share it with you here once again. Of course, it wasn't written for this Christmas, but that really doesn't matter. I think I first shared it here four or five years ago. I don't know who the author is and I don’t even know if this is true or if it is fiction, but I was quite touched by it, and I hope you are too!

My dear Jacob,

As I was going through a box of keepsakes, I came across a Christmas list you had written when you were a young boy. On the list were things we could easily find in stores, and I always enjoyed finding them for you, wrapping them up and putting them under our tree. You were always so appreciative and opened them with great joy. The joy Papa and I felt was even greater.

There is only one gift I want to give you this year. I have wanted to give it to you for many years. I have tried in every way possible to find a way to give it to you. It would bring me the greatest joy of all.

How do I give you equality? How do I give you back the years you have missed "not being equal" in this world?

Your high school and college years should have been ones where you dated and went to proms and dances with someone you were attracted to and wanted to spend time with as a couple. You should not have had to spend those years working for your equality. You should not have had to defend your dignity. You should not have had to miss out on the simple pleasures of a young teen and a young adult.

There is no way I can give you back those years, those times when you should have been having fun, enjoying life, and growing from those experiences. You had a passion for justice even as a child.

I remember when you were 4 and refused to eat supper until I had actually written the check for Save the Children. You were the watchdog in your kindergarten classroom after you felt your teacher was wrong to rip up a child's painting in front of the class in her effort to teach them to write their names on their papers. On that day you spoke truth to power so eloquently as you confronted your teacher after school.

As soon as you came out to us, you wanted to start a gay/straight alliance at your high school. We worried for your safety, but even more for the isolation it might have brought as you worked to make it happen. You reached out to students, teachers, and the administration and created your school's first gay/straight alliance.

When you were in college and heard that there were students being kicked out of colleges simply because they were gay, you founded another organization to confront that terrible wrong. Each of those times you taught me to take action and not be silent in the face of injustice. You have led me, and you have taught me throughout your life. Maybe that is why it is so hard for me to face Christmas each year and not be able to wrap up the one gift I most want to give you.

As a mother, it is such a part of my being to want to nurture and love my children. It is the mother in me that wants to protect and provide for you. It is the mother in me that is hurting so much when I am helpless in being able to give you the one gift, I have wanted to give you since the day you told us you were gay.

I want to give you equality. I want to wrap it up in a beautiful box, and I want to put it under our tree right now. I want to see you open it on Christmas Eve and with great joy live with it all your days.

I love you,
           Mama

Oh Night Divine

This is the night the angels sing about. This is the wonderful night that every kid anxiously awaits. It's my favorite night of the year - always has been. I know many who celebrate Christmas, put the emphasis on tomorrow, but my family is one of the Christmas Eve families. It's only morning right now, but I still feel as if I could burst into song!

Fall on your knees
O hear the Angels voices.
O night divine
O night when Christ as born

Whether you celebrate tonight, tomorrow, for the full twelve days of Christmas, or not at all, my wish for you is happiness and joy - not just on this night, but always!

Happy Holidays!

Some folks think I'm a Scrooge.  I'm not.  I love Christmas.  It is one of the happiest things I can think of.  It has always been that way.  When I was a little kid, the President of the United States was shot and killed.  It was far from where we lived, but that day in Dallas made me afraid.  I couldn't get to sleep.  Mom said to think of something happy.  I did.  I thought of Christmas.  (It worked too, by the way).

The way I celebrate Christmas is very traditional and it seems fewer and fewer people celebrate that way, but that's okay.  I suppose that's one reason I like hearing "Happy Holidays!"  There are a number of holidays at this time of year, and folks celebrate in different ways.  

I don't start listening to Christmas music at the beginning of December, even though some people do and I don't put up a Christmas tree before Thanksgiving, but I do put one up. Many people will be taking down there tree tomorrow or the next day, but not me.   I'll be decorating tomorrow night, and those decorations will stay up until the sixth of January.  Different customs.  Different ways of celebrating.  I'm no Scrooge though.  I love Christmas.

There are those of course who don't celebrate Christmas at all.  Perhaps another occasion will be on their list.  Perhaps.  We are all different and that is okay.  Maybe you won't celebrate anything at all until we say goodbye to 2021 and ring in the new year.  Whatever your custom is, may you be happy with it.

 

food for everyone

Seeing folks drop canned goods in the many collection barrels at this time of year, always warms my heart.  There are actually places that have year-round collections and how wonderful is that? The need certainly doesn't only exist at the end of the year.  We hear about canned food drives around Thanksgiving and Christmas, but the need seems to always be there.

 

It would be wonderful if nobody ever had to go a day hungry.  There are obvious health issues if you don't eat regularly, and your over-all personal feeling is certainly affected by the food you consume.  Think about how that delicious Thanksgiving dinner made you feel last week, or that nice crisp bacon you enjoyed before leaving the house this morning.  

 

While those collection barrels at your local stores and churches and organizations are certainly helpful, they are not enough.  This rich country of ours needs to do more to address the issue.  There needs to be food for everyone and there needs to be ways for this to happen.  Government assistance is part of it and there are a number of wonderful organizations out there stepping up.  One such organization is called No Kid Hungry, and I urge you to take a look at their website at http://www.nokidhungry.org/ and check out Feeding America at http://www.feedingamerica.org too.

 

There is a lot more we can talk about and there is something each of us can do.  That can in the barrel is certainly a good beginning.  We are not going to solve the hunger problem in the United States today, but at least we can make a start.

can you spare some food?

Food drives are popular this time of year. There is often a big push for food around Thanksgiving and again around Christmas. In many communities there are numerous programs. In many larger communities, there are year-round programs, which is a good thing - the need is certainly there!  This year during the pandemic, the need is even greater.

 

I don't know whether you think much about these things, but that extra can of tuna that cost you just a buck or the boxes of mac and cheese for about the same price can really help someone who has absolutely nothing. If your income is low and you don't have much, don't think you have to donate fifty or a hundred dollars worth of groceries to make a difference. Your can of tuna and your neighbor's box of mac and cheese and the chicken noodle soup that the retired school teacher put in, all add up. Yes, every single contribution helps!

 

I'm not saying just give one thing - give as much as you feel you are able to. The important thing, as always, is involvement. We all have the capacity to help!  Maybe time is something you can more easily spare.  Consider volunteering for a food bank.  Being hungry is not pleasant and we all can help put and end to hunger.  This is something I hope more folks will think about next month too and throughout the year, not just during the holidays.

 

what can we do about AIDS?

Today, as you probably know, is World AIDS Day. How many of you remember life before there was AIDS?  Let's get to a day where once again, it doesn't exist.  Yes, things are much better than they once were, but better isn't good enough.  I want to keep working at this, until there's a cure.

So just what can we do about AIDS? Well to start out, we can be part of the fight - not just on World AIDS Day or when I ask for a donation for AIDS Walk - not just right now as you read this, but until there's a cure. Also we should all know our own status. It is so easy to get tested too. If you have a doctor of your own, you might want to do it there, but there are also so many other places to get tested, especially if you live in a major city. Oh and if you live in a small town and are afraid, take a short vacation to the big city and while you are checking out the sites, have an AIDS test too.

Check out the AIDS Healthcare Foundation at http://www.aidshealth.org/ too. There are a number of great resources there. In your own community there are probably a number of organizations that deal with AIDS too. Consider donation money and volunteering. Perhaps you could even hold a fundraiser or some kind or start a program that benefits people with AIDS. When we all work together, we can do so much good.

Want some more things you can do? Say a prayer. Write a check. Attend a vigil. Help a person with AIDS shop or clean house. Care. Write letters. Wear a red ribbon. Stay educated. Help dispel the myths. Help provide meals. The list really can go on and on. This is not just a December 1st thing, it's an everyday thing. Care.

Five

I've always tried to look at the good there is in my life instead of dwelling on the occasional bumps that might come along.  Some folks will let their bad days get them down, but no matter what might have gone wrong in your life, there are certainly things going right as well.  Think about it.

Recently, a friend of mine inspired me to count five things I am grateful for every night before I go to bed.   Now five might seem like a big number to you, but as I reflect each evening, I find that it is actually very small.  My cousin told me she has started a gratitude journal and tries to write one thing she is grateful for every day. She tells me it helps her stay positive. 

Each day I easily think of many more than five and have to actually move away to other thoughts.  There are just so many blessings in my life, including friends, family, things done, foods eaten, words heard or read, things seen, places visited, and so much more.

Had a bad day lately?  I invite you to think instead about the good - you know there is some good.  In fact, I invite you to think of five things as well.  Some days it may be harder than others.  Did you have a good meal or spend time with a favorite person?  Did you receive a gift or read an inspiring story?  Did you fall in love or meet an admired hero?  Think about it tonight.  Think about five.

Sadness at a time of joy

Thanksgiving weekend is a time of joy for most Americans. Normally we gather together with family and friends and enjoy wonderful feasts while watching football and parades and preparing for a month of holiday parties. Hopefully we spend some of the day doing what the day was actually set aside for - giving thanks. There have been times though when this joyful holiday is also a day of sadness. 

Those of you old enough will recall that President John F Kennedy was shot and killed just five days before Thanksgiving back in 1963. The new President, Lyndon Johnson announced on Thanksgiving morning that Cape Canaveral, in Florida "shall be known hereafter as Cape Kennedy." (The old name was restored less than ten years later).

Already suffering great sadness for the 918 souls lost in the Jonestown, Guyana massacre, San Francisco was hit by another tragedy back in 1978 - the murder in City Hall of two elected officials. 

Today marks the anniversary of those assassinations of San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk. People waking up on this date in 1978 saw a headline in the San Francisco Chronicle that read MOSCONE, MILK SLAIN--DAN WHITE IS HELD. Less than a month before Christmas, with San Francisco decorated in its holiday splendor, there was great sadness at a time of joy. 

The sadness has continued throughout the COVID-19 pandemic and so many other bad incidents that we see in the news every day.  Indeed we can all use more joy in our lives.  It will happen.  I'm certain of that.  We do need to do some work though.  We need to get ourselves on the same side and care about others.  We need to work toward a day when this time of joy will be only joyful. We need to work toward a day when police aren't shooting men in the street and when elected officials are not being murdered while doing their work and when cult leaders and not drawing innocent and unsuspecting people to their deaths and when cars are plowing into holiday parades. 

We need to work toward a day when people always care about others and won't moan about wearing a mask to protect others. When we get to that day we can truly be thankful.

'Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving

Just about everyone is familiar with Clement Clarke Moore's classic poem 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, and in a month, I'll be happy to share it here, but NOT NOW. I don't know when we got in such a hurry, but it isn't anything new. Each year though we seem to outdo each other by being earlier and earlier. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day, and I'd like to concentrate on that for now.

Now don't get me wrong. I love Christmas! I always have and probably always will. When I was little, I was scared because of a horrible news story and Mom said to think of something happy. I thought of Christmas. Christmas makes me happy. This isn't Christmastime though. It certainly wasn't Christmastime when I saw those first decorations going up a couple of months ago!

I'm very traditional, and there might not be many more folks who think this way. In a month I will begin my Christmas festivities and they will continue until January 6th. For me, the twelve days of Christmas is the way to celebrate, but I may very well be alone in that thinking.

We do have a very fine holiday coming up tomorrow. I can begin tonight with this wonderful children's book featuring Farmer Mack Nuggett and his turkey farm. This is a delightful tale that this grown man pulls out each year, even though I am told that Dav Pilkey created it for little kids.  I guess there is a bit of kid in all of us!

Remembering our trans sisters and brothers

Transgender Day of Remembrance founder Gwendolyn Ann Smith explains the purpose of the day:  "Transgender Day of Remembrance seeks to highlight the losses we face due to anti-transgender bigotry and violence. I am no stranger to the need to fight for our rights, and the right to simply exist is first and foremost. With so many seeking to erase transgender people -- sometimes in the most brutal ways possible -- it is vitally important that those we lose are remembered, and that we continue to fight for justice." 

 

A friend of mine has organized an event in Hew Haven, CT that will be livestreamed on social media.  This is still the way many places will observe TDOR as the COVID-19 pandemic continues.  I invite you to share information about events online in the comments section below and to all name those whom we have lost.  Remember them.  Say their names.

 

Although this blog is NOT about me, I also want to add a personal note this morning.  I'm not sure how many trans friends I have, but it is a very large number, and it hurts me to my very core to see any one of them mistreated.  I don't like seeing any human being mistreated, but it becomes even more difficult when it is someone you know.  There are many who are fighting for justice and equality, but nobody should have to fight.  Everyone deserves respect.  The brutal attacks must end.  The mistreating of people has got to stop.  We really need to all come together and enjoy life equally with everyone.  

Various events will take place today and tonight, candles will be lit in towns and cities all over the world to not only remember the dead, but also to bring attention to the lack of equality that we are still faced with.  More information is available HERE.  Get involved.  Make a difference.

The Ripple Effect

We've been having a couple of really tough years, but there also has been a lot of good.  When I see people reaching out and helping each other, especially during difficult times, to me it makes it extra special. I see it in the news more and more, and I see people I know doing incredible things.  The other day, a woman said to me that  she loved making people happy because it makes her happy. She said it was a ripple effect.  Indeed.

I know I have told the story here many times about how each one of us can do what seems like a small thing, but when someone else also does it, and than another person, and another, and still another, it keeps growing. It's that ripple effect. Each ripple gets a little bigger.

I'm not the only one who has talked about this before. The late Senator Robert Kennedy said "Each time a person stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, it sends out a tiny ripple of hope." That's a pretty encouraging message.

Our moms and dads

How many of you have kids? Do you realize how much a parent means to a child? Yes, there are times when both the children and the parents may want to scream, but overall, if it is a good and healthy relationship, there is love and devotion that lasts forever.

It's been over seven years since my mom died and even longer since my father passed away, and I still think of them both and recall with fondness times we spent together. I can remember my mother pushing my sister in her baby buggy with me walking beside her. (I don't remember my own baby buggy days).  I can also recall my dad's last moments in the hospital, and the moment when my mom passed away too.

There are some images that never fade. Sadly some of us have horrible memories and we wish they would go away. The choice is up to every father and mother though as to how they will be remembered. The world would be such a better place if all moms and dads chose to carefully mold their children into good kids who respected others and who would go on to fondly recall those formative years.

On this Sunday morning I'm thinking of Mom and of how much she enjoyed Sundays.  Think about your parents every day.  Remember them especially on their birthdays and on Mother's Day in May and Father's Day in June, and of course during times like Halloween (oh could I tell you stories about the trick-or-treaters coming to Mom's house), Thanksgiving, and Christmas. It is my hope that every parent will be one who is worthy of a celebration and that kids will always be grateful for the love of their parents. Good parenting can have a huge impact!

Pioneer in Computers

Every year from November 13th to 19th, people and organizations around the country participate in Transgender Awareness Week to help raise visibility of transgender people and address issues members of the community face. This leads up to Transgender Day of Remembrance on November 20, which memorializes victims of transphobic violence.

This morning I was going to write about why there needs to be equality for our trans sisters and brothers.  I was going to write here about ending the hate and ending the violence.  All of that is certainly important, and I implore you to open your hearts and treat all people like people.  It's really that simple.

I want to say something here though about Lynn Conway, an 83-year-old professor emerita at the University of Michigan College of Engineering, a pioneer in the tech world, and a transgender activist. Back in 2009, Conway was named one of the Stonewall 40 Trans Heroes on the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, and seven years ago she was featured as one of Time magazine's 21 Transgender People Who Influenced American Culture.  Way before that though, she was fired from her job at a major computer firm, simply for being transgender, and for the next thirty years, Conway hid being transgender.

Despite her great work in the tech industry, her life was tough. Hiding your identity is not an easy thing to do. Losing a good paying job also takes its toll. When she came out though, the world was a better place. Last month there was finally an apology from that firm that fired her. It was an apology made during a companywide cyber-meeting that Conway had been invited to participate in. That day they also presented her with a Lifetime Achievement Award.  Change is slowly happening.

They who served

It was November 11, 1918, the end of “the war to end all wars.” The following year, President Woodrow Wilson proclaimed November 11 as the first commemoration of Armistice Day, saying "To us in America, the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those who died in the country’s service and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of the nations." In 1954, it became Veterans Day.

This is not a day about war or about loss of life. Today honors military veterans regardless of whether they served during a time of conflict or peace, and it isn't about those who perished in the line of duty (Memorial Day honors those people). Today is for all persons who served in the United States Armed Forces. It used to feature parades, and speeches, and special tributes to military personnel and usually still does in many communities. In recent years retail stores use it as an excuse for a sale. One positive thing is that more and more businesses do special things for veterans on this day. Numerous restaurants across the country are giving away from meals to veterans today, for example.  Of course because of the pandemic, this Veterans Day will look a lot different.

You'll see a lot of mention on social media today about veterans, and certainly it's a very good thing to join in that. Remember they who served in our military. Say thank you to a vet!

always giving

Do I talk about money too much?  An annual event fighting blood cancers comes up next week and I invite your donations.  Every summer I talk about AIDS Walk.  So many of my friends are involved in various fundraisers, and it seems I talk a lot about them too.  Many of us have been looking ahead to the costs of Thanksgiving and the other holidays that follow.  Personally I just ran up some HUGE medical bills in the past year.  On top of all of this, the pandemic has put a lot of folks put of work.  

Part of what I am saying is that money can be tight. Many folks are living from paycheck to paycheck, and perhaps that is part of the overall need. Just how are things with you though?  Are you better off than others? Could you possibly skip the afternoon latte and give that money to the homeless man on the street instead? Of course there are other ways of giving too. Right there is the key.  Not enough money?  Well find something else that helps the cause.  Donate used clothing or donate blood or give of your time and your talent.

Some people never stop giving and they inspire me to want to do more. If I find I am unable to give in the manner I would like, I just think of a different way to give. Giving to me shouldn't have any kind of limitation.  I'm sorry if any of you think I talk too much about giving, but I really like the idea of always giving!  It just seems like such a positive thing to do.

I mean to be one too

Let us now praise famous men, and our fathers that begat us. This one verse from Ecclesiasticus, used to be read every year on All Saints' Day, because it gives a good summary of what the day is all about. A passage from the Revelation to Saint John also helps explain the day. "These are they who have come out of the great ordeal; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb." Of course a good preacher might be explaining the whole All Saints' Day concept to us, or we can look to a wonderful hymn that does an excellent job telling the story.

Written by a young Englishwoman, Lesbia Scott and first published back in 1929, "I sing a song of the saints of God" clearly sets out what All Saints' Day is all about. Today we honor all the saints, known and unknown. In the belief that there is a prayerful spiritual bond between those in heaven and those still living, we honor not only the named saints (such as those pictured in the icon here), but all the faithful. The word "all" is important to me here because I firmly believe that it is not just about the Blessed Virgin Mary, Blessed Paul the Apostle, Blessed Francis of Assisi, and the rest. It is about every single one of us because we all have the ability to do good things and to make a difference. 

Lesbia Scott's words seem to say the same thing. She lists a doctor, a queen, and a shepherdess in her first verse and then continues the list adding a soldier and a priest and one who was slain, in verse number two. It's really the third verse though that give me the greatest hope: 

"They lived not only in ages past,

There are hundreds of thousands still.

The world is bright with the joyous saints

Who love to do Jesus' will.

You can meet them in school, or in lanes, or at sea,

In church, or in trains, or in shops, or at tea;

For the saints of God are just folk like me,

And I mean to be one too."

There's the kicker: "And I mean to be one too." Yes, today is a celebration of the various saints down through the ages, but that is only part of it. "They lived not only in ages past, There are hundreds of thousands still."  Celebration?  Certainly.  Today though is also an invitation.  "And I mean to be one too."

Different kind of Halloween

We all know about the traditional Halloween custom of dressing up and going door to door for candy.  It's called trick or treat because if a treat doesn't come our way (usually some kind of candy) we play a trick like toilet paper in their bushes or a few eggs thrown against their door.  I've told you before about another way to do the day though and it seems much more positive.

 

I've heard it called Backward Halloween, but it is such a good thing, it would hardly be backward.  Reverse Halloween is another way of describing it.  Instead of expecting something for you, give something to someone else.  Make it a day of volunteer service.  Help a neighbor.  Assist some of your friends with various projects.  All kinds of ideas make it a very productive experience.  Remember of course to follow safe practices, including masking (not just the Halloween kind).

 

Oh and the usual candy?  Well, instead of collecting candy, we could distribute candy.  Buy several bags of those small candy bars and go up and down your streets.  Visit some of the shops and restaurants too. Go to the fire stations, hospitals, offices, and libraries, and even to a senior center.  Don't expect people to give something to you, but instead give something to them.

 

You will be surprised at how many smiles you will generate with this different kind of Halloween.  Save something for yourself and salute your own good effort with a well deserved treat!

The Triduum of Allhallowtide

Just the mention of the triduum of Allhallowtide probably has you scratching your head, but that is what is coming up beginning tomorrow. We first have Halloween, then All Saints' Day, and finally All Souls' Day. This started out as a Christian observance. These days, while there is certainly still a Christian celebration of All Saints, the rest has become very commercialized and secularized.

Remembering the dead, especially our own family members, is a wonderful part of the three day observance. This particularly gets attention on the last of the three days. Many Catholic and Anglican churches will have special masses on All Souls' Day to pray for the departed.

Halloween gets the most attention of course. In some places, it is practically an actual holiday! People dress up in costumes and attend parties and it isn't just for the kids anymore! Oh and don't be surprised to find traditional foods like potato pancakes, caramel apples, colcannon (a traditional Irish dish made of mashed potatoes and kale), cider, popcorn balls, and soul cakes. There are numerous Halloween customs and trick-or-treating (going door to door in costume and asking for candy "treats") is probably the best known.

Of course a worldwide pandemic does change a lot. I hear a lot of talk about more zoom Thanksgivings. We can do the same thing for Halloween. I'm hearing though that trick-or-treating is safe this year.  Actually we can give those costumes a lot of attention using the internet.

I could easily go on and on about the many associated traditions for these upcoming three days, but why not look into it a bit yourself? Oh and whatever you do, be safe and have a positive experience.

suggested subjects

Equality and fairness are spoken of here often along with a number of charities and several people who happen to be heroes of mine. I've also written a lot about community activism, animal cruelty, hate crimes, donations and volunteerism, and all kinds of ways to make a difference in this world. Are there subjects I am missing? Can you think of some areas I should say more about?  I KNOW everything hasn't been covered.

I love to tell the story of those wonderful people who inspire me. Hopefully they inspire you as well. Some of these folks I have written about a number of times (and will likely write about them again). Since this blog is NOT about me, it really shouldn't be just my subject picks either. That's where you can really help out.

Do you know some superstars that I should bring to everyone's attention? Are there some charities or causes that really need to be talked about? Making this world a better place is a pretty big subject, but perhaps you can all help me break it down a bit more. Leave some comments below, and we can head in a number of different directions.  I'd love to see suggested subjects from many of you!

The Death of Colin Powell

Waking this morning to word that General Colin Powell has died. Powell was an American politician, diplomat and four-star general who served as the 65th United States Secretary of State and the first African American in that position.  Powell was also the 16th United States National Security Advisor and the 12th Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Regardless of ones politics, it must be said that Powell was a trailblazer and had support from all kinds of people.  He was probably the most popular military figure since Dwight Eisenhower. 

In 2007, The New York Times published an interview with him in which he described himself: "Powell is a problem-solver. He was taught as a soldier to solve problems. So he has views, but he’s not an ideologue. He has passion, but he’s not a fanatic. He’s first and foremost a problem-solver."

This morning, former President George W. Bush, who selected Powell to serve as Secretary of State in his administration, praised him saying "He was a great public servant, starting with his time as a soldier during Vietnam. Many Presidents relied on General Powell's counsel and experience. He was such a favorite of Presidents that he earned the Presidential Medal of Freedom - twice."

Rest in peace General Powell and thanks for your service.

the high cost of cyberbullying

You might not have ever heard of Amanda Todd, but this morning I want to write about her and about her mother Carol. Nine years ago on this date, Amanda took her own life.  A documentary tells about her suicide, about her bullying, and about the terrible tragedy of bullying. Take a few moments and watch it.  Seriously.  It's important.  Watch with your family and with friends and share it with others.  Dark Cloud: the high cost of cyberbullying can be seen HERE.  The video is only 49 minutes long.

Before I go any farther, I also want to say that every struggle is different.  You CAN overcame crisis though and find hope and recovery.  Reach out.  Call the suicide prevention line.  Get help.  In the US and Canada you can call this number 24hours a day: 1-800-273-8255.

I want to condemn bullying in all of its forms. To intimidate, harm, or coerce someone is unacceptable. All life is precious. Everyone is entitled to respect.

Today is World Mental Health Day, the perfect time for attention to anti-bullying efforts and suicide prevention and for awareness and advocacy against social stigma. Today is the perfect time to educate yourself. Get involved. Listen to the story of Amanda Todd. Work to see that deaths like hers never happen again.

The film I mentioned at the beginning of this is a powerful one and, as I said, an important one. I hope you will watch and hear Amanda Todd's story. It is a tragedy that this young woman from British Columbia, posted a cry-for-help on YouTube and had at least two previous attempts at suicide, but kept being bullied until she felt she could no longer live. The incredible Justin Preston, who founded Rise Against Bullying, and is active in numerous LGBTQ organizations, is also featured in the documentary. Click HERE to watch.

Suicide Prevention Line 1-800-273-8255

Remembering

Twenty years ago, when the terrorist attacks stunned the nation, Frank Tracy Griswold was Primate and Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church in the United States. Three days after the attacks, as the country was trying to understand and to heal, memorials were held. Bishop Griswold recounted that day of mourning in an essay in which he mentions the "selfless volunteers and their eagerness to be useful." Not only was that true on 9/11, but we are seeing more evidence of that in so many who are making a difference during the COVID-19 pandemic.

As I said, I think Bishop Frank's words are good to see again, so here below is that essay:

On Friday, September 14, the day of national mourning, I knew my place was here in New York with those who were courageously struggling with the aftermath of the hideous events of the previous Tuesday. A police van picked me up at the Church Center and transported me through checkpoints to the Seaman's Church Institute within the restricted area where police, firefighters, National Guard, rescue workers and Con Edison technicians were being cared for with food, fresh changes of clothing, and words of thanks and encouragement from tireless volunteers.

In the midst of the chaos I was asked to celebrate the Eucharist. It was Holy Cross Day, and how appropriate and right it was that our mourning and grief be rooted and grounded in the mystery of the cross. St. Paul speaks of sharing the sufferings of Christ. I thought that every act of violence, and all that it produces, is an instance of Christ's own suffering with and on behalf of those he came to reconcile to one another through the cross.

In the Gospel reading for the day, we hear Jesus proclaim: "When I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw all people to myself." The cross is Jesus' facing into all the subtle and obvious forces of evil the divide the human family, drawing us all to himself in order that we might be transformed and live in new patterns of relationship: patterns which are grounded in the awareness that - at the heart of all differences of language, race, culture and ways of believing and naming God - we are profoundly one in the mind and heart of our Creator. That this terrible act of terrorism has provoked blind and indiscriminate blame directed against our Moslem and Arab neighbors is to allow the evil we are suffering to catch us up in its ongoing destructive force, and make us its victim in yet another way.

After the Eucharist, Phoebe and I were taken through more checkpoints to "Ground Zero." This close to the impact, gray ash lay everywhere and coated the silent and abandoned buildings, among them St. Paul's Chapel where George Washington worshiped. Outside the church the American and Episcopal Church flags, stained and torn, fluttered at half-mast. An ancient tree had been uprooted and its branches rested on the gravestones. The building was intact, but the churchyard was thick with ash and debris and thousands of bits of paper. The iron gate was ajar. I pushed it open and climbed the littered and ash covered steps to the open door of the church. In an eerie way, everything seemed to be in order, except for the covering of dust. I found myself in tears. Here, at the heart of all the chaos and destruction was a place of solace and prayer.

The sacristy door stood open. I went in and found a piece of paper and a pen and wrote "I have been here and you have my prayers and my love. Frank Griswold, Presiding Bishop." I turned to leave and just then the priest arrived. "I'm here and the church is open," he said. What more could one ask for at a time like this than the ministry of presence.

As we left, I looked up at the crucifix above the altar and had the sense that the extended arms could receive and embrace all the madness and hatred and destruction and suffering that lay close by and in all the places in our fragile world where violence and death and innocent suffering are a daily reality. Somehow this terrible event has joined us in solidarity with the suffering of the world.

That evening I took part in a service at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine. At the end of the service, the congregation with lighted candles in hand followed us out onto the cathedral steps where people, instead of dispersing into the evening, drew close to one another, still holding on to their candles. Passersby joined them, some stopping to buy candles in nearby shops.

Spontaneous singing began…"We shall overcome…." I thought of the overwhelming generosity of spirit that had flowed through the day. I thought of the selfless volunteers and their eagerness to be useful; the many workers and their gratitude; the congregation bound together in mutual support. I was seeing evil overcome by good which is the only way in which our world can be healed. I was also seeing our church in action and prayer and hospitality mediate the real presence of Christ.

How grateful I am for our Episcopal household and for its clear witness at this time. The days ahead will be difficult and demanding for us all, and I pray that we will be able to live them with the courage and strength that are ours in the risen Christ.

+Frank T. Griswold
XXV Presiding Bishop and Primate
The Episcopal Church, USA

Labor is Life

Thomas Carlyle was a Scottish philosopher, essayist, teacher, and historian during the Victorian era and the man who gave us the wonderful quote that appears on this stamp. Today is Labor Day in the United States and Canada. The holiday did not exist back in Carlyle's day, but a day set aside to honor the worker is something I think he would have approved of.

Too many people these days don't get the significance of this holiday. It isn't about that last summer picnic or the day before school begins and it isn't about sales at the mall and your favorite department stores. Today is about the worker and about the unions that have made our laborers strong. 

Labor is something that every single one of us does at some point. Labor really is life! We need to work to earn money and we need to work to keep our bodies active and strong. While those picnics and sales are fine, take a moment and pause to think about the real reason for this day and be thankful for our strong labor movement.

Quoting Carlyle: "Labour is Life: from the inmost heart of the Worker rises his god-given Force, the sacred celestial Life-essence breathed into him by Almighty God; from his inmost heart awakens him to all nobleness; to all knowledge, 'self-knowledge' and much else, so soon as Work fitly begins."

Suicide Prevention

Preventing suicide involves everyone in the community and it isn't just a one day or one month affair, but September is a monthlong awareness time in hopes of getting more people involved.  The number one obstacle to prevention is silence.  While this may sound like a slogan.  It is very true.

Here are a few things that everyone can do: Ask someone you are worried about if they’re thinking about suicide.  Keep them safe. Reduce access to lethal means for those at risk.  Be there with them. Listen to what they need.  Listening is so very important.  Help them connect with ongoing support like the Lifeline (1-800-273-8255).  Follow up to see how they’re doing.  This simple information comes from National Center for Injury Prevention and Control.

There is more.  The biggest thing is to break those old taboos.  Communication is very important.  Many health care providers are now asking the question "Have you ever thought about harming yourself"?  Despite years of not talking about the subject, people need to know it is okay to talk.  Silence is not helpful.

I am not a mental health expert and don't want you to think I have all the answers, but this is so very important.  Become more aware.  Care.  If you need help for yourself or someone else, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).  Please feel free to share this information widely.

Preference?

Do you like each of these ice-cream flavors equally?  Most, I suspect, will enjoy the one in the center back more and any other, while for me it's the one in the center front: strawberry.  Yum!  Why am I talking about ice-cream though?  Well it's to say the same thing I have said many times here (even using ice-cream once before to help explain).  Being gay or bisexual is NOT a matter of preference.  A very nice gentleman was talking on tv yesterday and kept saying  "your sexual preference."  

I would suspect that while you might enjoy chocolate more, an occasional vanilla or strawberry, or even a nice mint ice-cream would still make you smile.  Now, for those of you who are gay and reading this, do you find yourself frequently attracted to the opposite gender?  Do you act on that attraction?  Well, if the answer is yes, than you likely aren't really gay.  Our sexual orientation is a bit more complicated than a casual "shall I be with a man today, or with a woman?"

Now, in this very blog I once wrote when it comes to dating men or dating women, this is NOT a preference matter.  I do not simply like one better than the other.  Oh no!  I am ONLY attracted in a sexual and in a romantic way to men.  I am gay.  It is my orientation, NOT my preference.  It's also not a lifestyle choice.  You don't wake up one morning and say "I'm going to wear the gay outfit today."  I stand by those earlier words!

He seemed like a nice guy and I don't think he meant anything bad at all, but people have to start learning that being gay is not a lifestyle choice and it isn't a preference.  I wish I had corrected him at the time.  Please help me spread the word!

an animal post

Animals are a lot smarter than you may think.  Your animals just might be able to look out for you.

Most of the time though it is YOU who need to be looking out for your animals.  I have written here in the past about animal cruelty and neglect, but I keep seeing horror stories that make me want to keep reminding people. 

There is something we all need to consider when taking an animal into our home.  Are we able to care for it?  Do we have the time, the energy, the space, the money, the desire that is necessary to be guardian for a cat or dog or other animal?  (A very large dog, for example, is not going to have enough space in a tiny apartment).  If the answer is no, than proceeding with bringing an animal into your home is inviting neglect, even if that is not our intention.

I remember the time I saw a dog tied up outside a cafe while his caretaker was inside enjoying a nosh.  Poor little thing was crying and looking oh so sad.  Seems like maybe the dog would have been better off being left at home where at least he would have been in familiar surroundings.

Neglect and abandonment are the most common forms of companion animal abuse here in the United States.  Many studies have found a link between cruelty to animals and other forms of interpersonal violence. 

Think before you bring an animal home.  If you decide you cannot keep an animal you already have, look for a home where the pet will be well cared for or call you local animal shelter.  Do NOT just abandon the animal.  If you see abuse or neglect, report it!  Get involved.  Care.

Buddy can you spare a dime?

There probably aren't many of you who can remember all the way back to the 1932 song Buddy can you spare a dime, even though it was recorded by a number of different people. Perhaps you have been asked if you could spare a dime by someone on the street. Most who ask for a specific amount, are very willing to accept ANY amount. Being in need, is not a good thing, whether you are an individual, an entire family, or an organization trying to help others. They need donations, and they need them from us.

Does our donation have to be that dime? Oh no! We might not be much better off then they are. The list though of things we might donate really is endless. Sometimes when we think of giving, we divide into categories such as time, talent, and treasure. The treasure grouping is the one that gets the most attention. Give some money - the more the better. Our treasure might also include donations of used clothing or housewares or canned goods (to a food drive) or a car (many charities now look for used cars or even boats). Art work might also be part of this list, and books too.

Donating our talent is a very valuable thing too. This is true whether your talent is taking blood pressures or giving tax advice or reading to children. Sometimes doing yard work or light cleaning can be a huge help to individuals in need.

Donating your time is another wonderful thing. Can you spend a few hours helping out in the office of our non-profit? Can you come in one day and help hand out bags of groceries? That yard work I mentioned - is it talent or time (or maybe both)?

Right now while we are practicing social distancing, there are limits to what we can do, but we can just be more creative.  Because of the pandemic, there are so many more in need.  Offer help in whatever way you can, even if it's just making friendly phone calls to check on the well being of your neighbors.  As I have mentioned here a lot, giving takes many forms. Buddy can you spare some time? Buddy can you spare a dime? Giving in all its forms, is such a rewarding thing to do! 

Before you donate

Donating money to a charity can be a wonderful thing. Right now there are so many places that can use our help.  Sadly, in times of crisis, there are more folks who try to take advantage of the generosity of others and the scams have already started appearing.  Making random contributions to unknown charities might do little except to empty your bank account if you don't keep your eyes open.  Here is a top ten list of questions you should ask yourself before donating.  Be generous if you are able, but be cautious too!

10.  Have I ever given to this organization before?

  9. How does the charity acknowledge my donation?

  8. Is this charity local or does it stretch beyond my town?

  7. Do any of my friends or relatives donate to this cause?

  6. Are the employees/officers of this charity paid inflated salaries?

  5. How much of my money goes directly to those in need?

  4. Do I feel strongly about this cause?

  3. Are my actions/donations really helping?

  2. How can I help, beyond making this donation?

And the number one question you should ask yourself before donating:
  1. Is the charity reputable?

We could have stopped it

Randy Shilts gave us the book and movie, AND THE BAND PLAYED ON, chronicling the early days of AIDS. Toward the end of that film, Matthew Modine's character says "This didn't have to happen. We could have stopped it." Ian McKellen's character then asks "Can you still?" The answer is of course a resounding YES! And, we must keep at it. We can't waste our time on what should have already happened, but we must move forward and make sure it does happen.

I was thinking about this last night and also thinking about the similarities with the COVID-19 pandemic. Last year there was no vaccine, but now there is. The original advice to keep a distance and to mask, seems to have been forgotten. People are needlessly getting infected, and people are dying.

We have vaccines for COVID-19, and they are free. Why aren't more people taking advantage of this? Oh and the makers of one of those vaccines, Moderna, is starting a Phase I clinical trial of its HIV vaccine candidate this week. We are certainly hopeful. Don't expect a quick answer on this as the study is expected to run until May of 2023. We do have a vaccine for COVID-19 though. We can stop unnecessary suffering from the coronavirus. President Joe Biden and the First Lady will get a COVID-19 booster shot, and health officials are recommending that those who received the Moderna or Pfizer vaccine get a booster eight months after their second dose. Still, so many are refusing the shot and many of these same people refuse to wear a mask.

We could have stopped it.  We still can.  I really hope people will wakeup to the reality.

Earthquake in Haiti

Yesterday morning at 8:29:09 am EDT, a magnitude 7.2 earthquake struck Haiti. I didn't hear about it until a moment of two after I wrote yesterday's blog. I watched the news unfold and saw the destruction. I saw the hundreds of injured and the hundreds of dead.  (More than 700 people are dead as I write this, and that number is likely to rise).  

Now I've experienced earthquakes before, including a 6.9 earthquake that severely shook the San Francisco and Monterey Bay regions. One big difference though: preparedness. Haiti has felt quakes before too, but it's hard to be truly prepared with assassination, corruption, poverty, corruption, violence, hurricanes, epidemics, and all sort of disasters hitting you over and over. Things have been tough for Haiti, and yesterday morning they got even tougher.

I really don't know how that tiny island nation continues to endure.  Seriously.  Can you think of any other place that has gone through so much?

They need help, and not just a quick donation and then goodbye. They need big help and lasting help. They need to be able to dig out and build up and prepare for their future. They need to grow strong and be able to look to the future without worry. Of course we cannot change natural disasters, but we can prepare for them, and Haiti needs to be prepared. According to Reuters, at least 1,800 people are injured and at least 949 homes, seven churches, two hotels and three schools have been completely destroyed. The death toll continues to rise. Haiti needs our help and our prayers.

Tennis star Naomi Osaka says she will donate her winnings from the Western and Southern Open in Cincinnati to help the victims of the Haiti earthquake. How wonderful! For the rest of us, an excellent organization that is already helping is Doctors Without Borders. Their website has more information at https://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/  The International Red Cross is also a great organization to donate to.

Words to live by

Do you have marching orders, or a kind of mission statement for your life (a Prime Directive if you will? Is there a slogan or motto that sums up who you are and what you believe?

Recently I came across something that could work for many of us. I have no idea who the author is and my searches came up empty. I really do like these words though, and so I share them here:

"Attract what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect, and mirror what you admire."

I really like that quote, even if we don't know who said it.  Words to live by, huh?  I'd love to have you all share some of your favorite uplifting quotes.

Nursing Hero

Just the other day someone said calling healthcare workers "heroes" perpetuates the idea that people in the medical field have some sort of "superpower."  They don't.  They are simply ordinary people who deserve better support and actual action (such as following medical advice, wearing a mask, and getting vaccinated).  Now don't get me wrong.  There are heroes out there.  I know some of them.  One of them happens to be a nurse.

Now I don't write about private parties here because everyone deserves their privacy, but I have to tell you about this guy.  I've told him before how inspiring he is, and that would be an understatement.  As I said, he's a nurse, and he works twelve hour hospital shifts.  That's not all though. He has two jobs, full time student, and is working on an upcoming project.  Oh and he's also a fitness trainer.  I'm really not sure where he finds the time!

I don't know him well, and haven't known him for a long time, which also makes me sing his praises after he checked on my well-being after hearing I had just had another health issue.  This guy doesn't just go through the motions, he cares.

If his actions weren't encouraging enough, he also encourages with his words.  "The hardest thing to do is not allow the negative to influence your day."  That's something he recently said.   He also said "a great attitude becomes a great mood, and that great mood becomes a great day!"  Indeed. 

Someday you will know him.  Someday people everywhere, even those in the highest places, will speak his name.  He isn't looking for fame though.  He's just being a natural hero.  The world needs more like this guy and I'm so glad he came our way!