Money, money, money

Who does not love money? It's sad to say, but most people put money above everything else. Having money usually means having security, so it is certainly understandable when folks care so much about money.  I'd LOVE to have more money that I do, but somehow I learned that money is not the beginning and ending of everything.  I was very fortunate to be part of a family that was not at all materialistic.  We sometimes didn't have all those "extras," but that was okay.

 

Through life I have found more and more that the happiest people are not necessarily the richest.  Oh, and the people who are the biggest givers are quite often the folks who have the least money in their pockets. I have seen people who can hardly pay their bills, happily volunteering their free time to charity and donating their old clothes to charity drives.  Perhaps it's because folks will little money know what it is like to do without.

 

Let me be clear in what I am saying here though.  Yes, money is important.  Having and giving really makes a difference.  It's important though to never rely too much on having a full pocketbook.  You can easily set yourself up for disappointment.  The old saying that the best things in life are free has a lot of truth in it.  The worship of money can't be a healthy thing, but all of us do that to some extent.  Try doing without sometimes and you will be amazed at the difference it will make.

The Wish

When you were little, did you ever make a wish and then blow on the dandelion to see if your wish would come true?  Perhaps you looked up at the night sky and made a wish on the first star you saw or before blowing out the candles on your birthday cake, hoped for something.  We have all made wishes at some time or another.  Some of us spend our whole lives wishing.

Do you wish that wars would disappear?  We ALL do!  Do you wish there was an easy solution?  Do you wish for different leaders?  Do you wish things were being handled differently?  Make a wish, and then make it happen.  We all can do our part.
 

Tossing a coin into a fountain or breaking the wishbone of a cooked turkey may be fun to do, but I happen to think that wishes are good things and that they all can come true, wish a little help.  That's the important part - the little help.  Sometimes we help ourselves fulfill our dreams and our hopes - you might actually think of them as goals.  Sometimes we can help others with their wishes like when you donate to charities.  The Make-A-Wish Foundation helps make some wishes come true, but I'm really talking about dreams we ALL have.  We wish and then sit back doing nothing more sometimes.  What we need to do is wish and then make that wish a reality.

 

Difficult?  Well yes.  Sometimes it is difficult.  Life isn't always easy, but anything really worth having is worth working for!  So, don't give up on that wish.  Make it come true!

Still blogging after all these years

Every morning, after a shower and brisk walk (or sometimes run), I sit down and blog about kindness.  My words are ones that I usually formulate during my walk.  Sometimes I think of things to say for the next several days, which helps when I have those occasional days where my mind seems to go blank.  

Next, I write this blog - it's NOT about me.  It is about all of us and how we can make a difference in this world.  I hope you enjoy reading these words, as much as I enjoy writing them.

I have written about my personal heroes and people and organizations I greatly admire.  Toan Lam is one of those folks I will never tire of writing about.  Colin Kaepernick too.  I love telling about neighborhood people who do good deeds.  I love retelling the stories of folks like Harvey Milk, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa and so many others.  I can go on and on too about Katharine Jefferts Schori, Dan Choi, Stuart Gafney, David Chiu, Zoe Dunning, and on and on. 

 

It has been my great honor also to share the story of Lillian Weber who made a huge impact on so many people when she sewed an amazing 1,234 dresses for the organization Little Dresses for Africa, working on past her 100th birthday. The story of Dan McKernan and Barn Sanctuary which he created and runs, is another tale I am so happy to tell.  I remember writing here about the Hat Lady and of course several entries about the wonderful Arnel Pineda.

 

When I began this back in 2008, I had no idea I would be doing this for so long.  There are a lot more things to say though and so, I shall continue.  I hope you will continue to read, and I hope you will also share any comments and suggestions here from time to time.  Without you, there really would be no point in doing this!

Dr King always said it so well

The past month has been very frustrating.  I know that hate exists, but we are seeing it in huge amounts right now, and it's making me sick.  I don't think I will ever understand hate.

 

The words of the Rev Martin Luther King, Jr have always inspired me and brought be a sense of peace.  Whatever the subject, Dr King always said it so well.  In the past few days there have been a lot of quotes from him floating around.  This one in particular moved me:

 

"Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice. Justice at its best is love correcting everything that stands against love."

colored water

I can remember as a youngster being in the supermarket with my mom and seeing the drinking fountains (remember them?) labeled "white" and "colored." I had no idea this was racial - I thought the water was white or colored! Naturally I wanted to drink the colored one. A woman witnessed this and scolded my mother for letting me drink where "those people" had put their mouths. My mother explained it all later, but it was several years later before I really understood.

Or do I understand? Why should someone drink from a certain fountain and not from another, just because of their race? Well the answer of course is that they shouldn't. Separate drinking fountains are illegal now, but sadly, we still have racial prejudice - I see examples most every day even now in 2025.

The whole drinking water thing apparently hit home with many.  Diane Bass, the mother of entertainer Lance Bass, wrote an essay several years ago which I just read the other day and in it she recalls her drinking fountain moment.  With her grandmother screaming at her to stop drinking from the "wrong" fountain, Bass writes "When I looked at the fountain it had the word "Colored" on it and she told me I had to drink out of another one. I was only 6 years old but I knew something was just not right about that."

Many of my friends are Asian and one time I was out with several other guys, all of whom are Asian. A group of white guys came upon us and started yelling at me "Why aren't you with your own kind?" They even chased after us, and since we were outnumbered, their senseless prejudice was not in the forefront of our minds - we simply wanted to get out of there safely.

I see the same kind of bias against lgbtq people often. I've been very fortunate and haven't been the victim of individual attacks, but all the laws that ban same sex marriage or that allow prejudice against lgbtq people in the workplace or anywhere else, are certainly attacks. They are saying I am not quite as good as someone else.

In all my years and will all that I have seen, the prejudicial treatment of people based on their membership - or perceived membership - in a certain group or category, just doesn't make sense to me, and yet it continues.

Is a world with true equality too much for me to hope for? Can we put aside all prejudice and discrimination? Will bigotry ever be completely erased? What do YOU think?

Flowerful days

Who can look at a colorful bunch of flowers and not be happy?  There is something very cheery about the image whether it is in a cut floral arrangement or a garden in back of our house or a pretty planting by the side of the street we are walking on.  Flowers are happy images.

 

I'll bet you cannot tell me every place where there is a flower between your home and your workplace.  Can you think where the closest garden is to where you are right now?  How about a florist - do you know where there is one?  Even our parks are places where there are beautiful flowers and plants for us to enjoy.

 

If you are at a reception or at a church service or at a funeral or a wedding, do you notice the flowers that might be around you?  People place them there for a reason.  Flowers brighten up our lives!  Take notice of them and be happy.

Hero Headquarters

This space could easily be hero headquarters, because I certainly write here a lot about heroes. I've asked about your heroes and said what I think it takes. I have written about a number of folks that I think are heroes. I've even quoted the wise words of Jason Chu, who in his song Marvels said "We become heroes because of what makes us human." What more than is there to say?

Well our ideas of a hero are not all the same. A hero to you might not be one to me. Lately I have seen more and more heroes and that is something to celebrate. That wonderful human factor - that love of good and decency.  We all are capable of doing something heroic.  It doesn't mean we have to pull someone from a burning building or out of a car wreck.  We don't have to thwart an armed robbery or help an old lady who just had her purse snatched, to be a hero.  Each of us can be heroes in our own way.

The many activists who stand up for justice and equality belong in this category too.  The unconditional love - the "making a difference" kind of people:  heroes.  There seem to be more and more folks coming out and changing the world.  You can be a hero too!  You can make a difference.  Perhaps you already are.  I'd love to hear about it in the comments below.  Tell me about the heroes in your life!

Happy Seventeenth

It's hard for me to believe, but I have been writing this blog for 17 years now.  Oh my!  When I began, I'm sure I had no idea I would be going on this long.  Is there anyone who has been reading this since the beginning?

I have written here about a lot of people and events, but I suppose the continuing theme has been love and kindness.  I even began a second blog all about kindness.

So much has changed over the years.  There were a lot of good things that happened, but unfortunately, there has been a lot of bad lately.  Therefore, I need to keep on writing.

Please keep reading.  Always feel free to add comments below any of my posts.  It is okay to be critical.  Tell your friends too!

One thing we all have in common

There is one thing that every human being has in common. We all come from the Planet Earth. You would think we would all care more about the Earth's future then, huh?  Since 1970, Earth Day has been celebrated around the globe as an annual event on April 22, on which events are held to demonstrate support for environmental protection and for the future of the good ole Earth.

 

My goal is that EVERY day be Earth Day - that we care about our planet every single day of our lives.  That we take seriously things like carbon emissions and recycling and food shortages and global warming.  My goal is for us to all care about this place we call home and making sure it will still be able to sustain human life for our children and our grandchildren and their children and grandchildren.

 

The idea of Earth Day is certainly a good one, and I am not trying to dismiss it.  Yes, let's do things today, but let this only be a beginning.  Let us work every day to erase our earlier mistakes and let's start really taking care of our planet.  We CAN do this!  Let's make a difference!

Pope Francis has died

Sad news this morning. Pope Francis, (born Jorge Mario Bergoglio) has died. He was the first pope from the Society of Jesus (the Jesuit Order), the first from the Americas, the first from the Southern Hemisphere, and the first born or raised outside of Europe since the 8th-century.

Elected at 76 years old, Francis was said to be in good health at the time. It wasn't long though before he was using wheelchair, walker, or cane. In February of this year, Francis entered the hospital with bronchitis and never returned to full health.

Since waking up this morning, I have heard nothing but good thoughts about the Pope from all around the world. To say Pope Francis was well liked, would be an understatement. In a post on X a little while ago, Former President Joe Biden said it best:

"It is with great sadness that Jill and I learned of the passing of His Holiness Pope Francis. He was unlike any who came before him. Pope Francis will be remembered as one of the most consequential leaders of our time and I am better for having known him. For decades, he served the most vulnerable across Argentina and his mission of serving the poor never ceased. As Pope, he was a loving pastor and challenging teacher who reached out to different faiths. He commanded us to fight for peace and protect our planet from a climate crisis. He advocated for the voiceless and powerless. He made all feel welcome and seen by the Church. He promoted equity and an end to poverty and suffering across the globe. And above all, he was a Pope for everyone. He was the People's Pope - a light of faith, hope, and love."

The hope of spring

Growing up back east where winter was sometimes severe and it seemed like the snow was going to last forever, I always looked forward to springtime.  I can remember going to church on Easter Day and seeing beautiful potted hyacinths lining the walkway to the church.  If the weather had been nice and the snow was gone, there might even be some flowers growing in the garden and the grass might be green and pretty.  Some years it would still be cold on Easter and there might even still be snow, but the hyacinths would still be there to herald spring.

 

Springtime, Passover, and Easter are about much more than flowers of course.  Spring is newness.  Spring is rebirth.  Springtime offers hope.  Looking at beautiful flowers can certainly remind us of all the good there is and all the good that is yet to come and that is always a big deal.  

More and more people are speaking out when they see injustice.  More and more people are doing positive things that give me hope.  Oh don't let me tell you that everything is perfect - far from it.  We hold the key though.  We can make things better.  Let's work together, keep a positive attitude, and not give up.  Better days are coming.  That is the hope of springtime.

 

Better to give than to receive

I look at every single day as a wonderful gift, and don't get me wrong, receiving gifts can be quite nice, but I truly believe that it is better to give than to receive.  Think of the warm feeling.  Think of the smile you see.  I could go on and on.

I'm sure you have given a gift to someone before. The one thing I love about giving though is that it never has to be a material thing. Giving can be more than a pretty wrapped box.  I think that so many times we believe that whenever we hear the term “give” it automatically relates to material things - even expensive things.  Giving time (like when you volunteer at a charity or when you read a story to a child or when you help pick up trash along the beach), is just one example of a non-material kind of gift.

 

I recently watched a video where two young guys bought several bunches of bananas, bottled water, and gathered some clothing that they no longer wore, and they took those items out and gave them to homeless men in the streets.  The smiles from the recipients proven how wonderful this giving was.  Not a huge amount of money was spent - that wasn't the point.  It was giving - pure giving.  It was people caring about others.

 

You really can't get much better than that!

Smile, what's the use of crying?

One of my favorite song lyrics says "Smile, what's the use of crying?"  Indeed.  Charles Chaplin, John Turner, and Geoffrey Parsons gave us something very special in that song they wrote.  I can almost hear it right now.  I love Petula Clark's version, and even Michael Jackson's, but the best known of course is from Nat King Cole.

Song lyrics can change our mood, and so it's those happy words that I want to hear the most of!  Our little road trip from San Francisco has features a lot of happy songs and a lot of singing.  I'm even getting a little hoarse. (Chaplin, by the way did the music and the words came from Turner and Parsons).  You certainly can't go wrong when the title is Smile!  Smiling is just about the happiest thing a person can do! 

The last three simple lines of that song really say it so well! 
 

Smile, what's the use of crying?

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

Let's make a better world

There is a LOT of work to do.  I have spoken here about this before, but I want to do more than talk.  There are many things in need of repair, but at the top of the list is our attitude toward each other.  Hate needs to end.  We need to put an end to racism, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, and every single kind of hate.  It seems to come in waves, but it isn't new.  Hate has been around for centuries.  Let's stop it.

How?  That's a tough question.  That's why today I am asking for your suggestions.  Down below in the comments section, please write something that might help.  Do we need stronger laws?  Should there be more severe penalties?  Do we simply need to increase the amount of love and kindness in our world?  What do you think?  

There are some organizations that are collecting money, but what will that be used for?  How does that change anything?  There are some groups that have gathered to provide citizen street patrols.  Good idea?  How is that working?

Some ideas might work for one thing, but not another.  The anti-Asian hate that is so extremely high right now, might be stopped by something that wouldn't be as effective against anti-gay hate.  Let's hear all of your suggestions though.  We need to get this done.  Let's make a better world!

Classic Herb Caen

Herb who? That's what many of you might be saying. The late newspaper columnist (who wrote for The San Francisco Chronicle and earlier for The San Francisco Examiner) was one of those folks who made a difference in this world. Herb Caen did a lot of that through his writing. A few years ago I came across a column of his from April of 1991. I have shared it here before, but it is so good and it is just as timely as when originally written, and so I offer it to you today:

Scene: The Heavenly Real Estate Office. The Landlord is cheerily rounding up a covey of blazing comets that have skittered under Queen Casseopera's Chair. His business agent, Gabriel, enters, his Golden Trumpet in one hand and more reports from the tiny planet Earth in the other.

Landlord: (to the Comets) Come out from under there, you little scamps, before you set the whole galaxy on fire.

Gabriel: Excuse me sir. Another batch of prayergrams from your most devout Christians.

Landlord: (waving a hand) Whatever they want, Gabriel. Now where did those freaky devils get to?

Gabriel: Yes sir, they want you to evict ten percent of your tenants down there. (Raising his Golden Trumpet) I've never attempted a partial eviction. Shall I try?

Landlord: (looking up) What ten percent, Gabriel?

Gabriel: The gays, sir. Your devout Christians say they've done their utmost to keep them out of their schools, their offices, their churches, and their lives, but with little success. So their prayergrams ask you to remove them from the face of your Earth.

Landlord: To me Gabriel, that doesn't sound very Christian. I thought they were supposed to love their neighbors.

Gabriel: Oh they do sir, if their neighbors are of the same color, economic bracket, and sexual orientation.

Landlord: But what harm do these gay people do?

Gabriel: I'm afraid you're not seeing the big picture, sir. Gays simply don't fit into your grand design. You know, two by two, male and female? Generation after generation? The fact of the matter is that gays simply don't procreate.

Landlord: I thought there was enough procreation down there already.
Gabriel: And they commit unspeakable acts.

Landlord: Murder? Torture? Paving over my mountain meadows?

Gabriel: Unspeakable sexual acts, sir.

Landlord: Ah, you mean they express their love for each other in different ways.

Gabriel: (annoyed) Really sir! If these people were automobiles, they'd be recalled in a nonce. They're clearly defective.

Landlord: (frowning) Defective, Gabriel?

Gabriel: Exactly sir. Some essential part if missing; some vital drive is malfunctioning. Bungled wiring – a loose screw...who knows?
Landlord: But clearly they're examples of shoddy workmanship?

Gabriel: Oh definitely sir. And they certainly don't deserve to clutter up your little blue-green jewel of a planet a minute longer. (Raising his Golden Trumpet again) Shall I evict them now?

Landlord: (slowly) And who made these imperfect products, Gabriel?

Gabriel: Why you did of course, but. . .(he lowers his trumpet in sudden consternation) Good You sir. I didn't mean to blaspheme. You will forgive them then?

Landlord: (smiling) A wise philosopher said long ago Gabriel that if I made sinners, it is not I who should forgive them, but they who should forgive me.

Gabriel: Well, I'm sure the gays will be glad to hear of your tolerance and generosity, sir.

Landlord: The gays? I was talking about my most devout Christians.

once we are gone

When someone passes away, there is usually some kind of public announcement including a newspaper obituary.  A funeral or memorial of some kind follows, usually within a week or so.  Then what?  How often do we think about the person who has died?  Do we think about them at all?

I know this is a rather grim subject, but the other day someone on social media mentioned George Burns.  I was amazed how many people had know idea who George Burns was.  He was a celebrity.  He was in the public eye.  Imagine though if he wasn't well known in his lifetime.  Would anyone remember him at all.  

There is a Bible passage that says something about this. It's from the 44th chapter of Ecclesiasticus, verse 9. "There are others who are not remembered, as if they had never lived, who died and were forgotten, they, and their children after them."

I know it is very important for some folks to be remembered.  Some spend money to have their name engraved in places where it will often be seen and some spend money to have buildings or other locations named after them.  Does it matter at all if we are remembered after we die?  Is one of our purposes here during our life to leave a mark?  

I will admit that I have no answer to this at all.  I do think it's a shame that some lovely people are simply forgotten once they are gone.  Let me turn to you though - what do you think?

It was on a Holy Monday

It was on a Holy Monday, twelve years ago, that Mom entered into eternal life.  I can recall everything from that day and the day before (Palm Sunday) just like it was now.  It's amazing how some things stick with you.  

 

I especially remember the wonderful nursing assistant who, seeing that Mom was in distress, asked my sister and I if we might step out for a few minutes so that she could put some lotion on Mom.  (I found out later that this angel was actually assigned to a different ward that night but came and did this on her break because who had really clicked with Mom and wanted to make her comfortable).  When my sister and I returned to the room later on, the nursing assistant told us she had given Mom a sponge bath and rubbed her down with lotion.  It was obvious too that she had combed her hair and put a dressing gown around her.  I'll always be grateful to this lovely lady who prepared Mom's earthly body for what turned out to be its final hour.  I really think it helped put Mom at ease, knowing that she was "presentable."

 

Oh, and I have memories of the night before when Mom was anointed with holy oil and prayers were said for her.  She leaned over to the priest afterward and said, "you're going to preach at my funeral, right?"  It amazed me at the time that Mom seemed to suddenly be full of energy and she went on to tell the priest that Abide With Me was her favorite hymn.  We would sing it at her liturgy a few weeks later.

 

My aunt died in Holy Week thirteen years ago and then Mom died in Holy Week the next year.  It might make this week especially hard to deal with.  I'm going to use the time though to center on the good things - the positive things - the things that make a difference.  I had such a wonderful mother, and I am grateful to her for all she did for me.  I'm grateful too that she is at peace and that I have so many warm memories to carry with me, not just on this Holy Monday, but always.  Thanks be to God.

brotherly love

Everyone on this planet is different. How boring it would be if we were all the same, huh? I tend to think it is our differences that make us most interesting, and I fail to understand prejudice and discrimination. Why can't we all get along? Why can't we practice brotherly love toward each other?

We can you know. We do have the ability.

I am not the first to scratch my head over this. The great Dr Martin Luther King, Jr once commented “We have flown the air like birds and swum the sea like fishes but have yet to learn the simple act of walking the earth like brothers.”

 

Very much the same as now. Different race? Different religion? No religion? Gender queer? Very old? Physically disabled? How can any of these things really matter when meeting someone? Difference should be embraced . . . and loved!

hashtag

Do you use hashtags?  The other day I found the phrase "Make someone's day in three words" trending on social media.  (Of course, X offered it up with a hashtag and used the numeral 3 instead of writing out the word). What did we ever do without hashtags? (By the way, did you ever refer to it as a number symbol or pound sign)? #hashtag

Anyway, that particular hashtag got me thinking. Three words. Pretty hard. How can you make someone's day using just three words? Let's see what we come up with. Off the top of my head there is Enjoy your day, You're really special, Be the change, You thrill me, oh and of course I love you. I'm sure we could come up with more, right?

 

That's what I'd love to see you come up with - more ways to fulfill this hashtag.  Send out your own tweets or list them in the comments section below.  Oh, and go ahead and use them as you go about your business today.  It's a party!  Make it happen!  No work today.  Beer's on me.  Make my day.  Let's do dinner.  Make my day!

Brighten Up My Day

Writing these words here every morning, brightens up my day. Hopefully along the way you also find something that helps to brighten yours. I hear people say they don't have the resources to make a difference - not enough money. not the right skills, not enough time in their busy lives. Seriously? There is ALWAYS a way!

Some things that don't require money include volunteering to read to kids in your local library, donating some time at a senior center, sharing flowers from your garden, giving blood at your community blood bank, or paying a visit to a homebound person. They don't necessarily require much time either, if you know how to manage your schedule. A very simple thing to brighten the day is to make a point of smiling more often and greeting people you encounter, rather than ignoring them. No special training is required for any of these things to!

Yes, donating money or property is a wonderful thing to do, but not everyone can afford it. There are so many other ways to brighten someone's day. Compliment the teller in the bank. Let the store manager know when you receive exceptional service. (People are quick to complain when things go bad, but way to slow in offering the praise that is so often do).

Oh, and another thing everyone reading this can do - share this with others and add your own ideas in the comments section below!

What the world needs now

Too many bad things in the news lately. There is way too much finger pointing too, and too much arguing. Now I won't pretend to have all of the answers, but sometimes it seems like nobody is working on any of the problems. It may seem all to simple, be the words to Hal David's popular song really deserve another look. He said, What the world needs now is love.

Of course, there are some who want to put rules down for love. Don't love anyone of a different race, some seem to be saying. Oh and love of same sex is also forbidden by some, (despite what the US Supreme Court has said). I say love everyone!

When can love ever be a bad thing? When we drive away all the hate that seems to be growing in just about every dark little corner, there is so much more room for the good stuff - the love. Now I'm not saying we should all let everyone walk all over us.  Nope.  Stand up.  Be of good courage. Hold on to the good in the world.  Let the love shine.

This is not the only answer.  I said I don't have all of the answers, and that's true, but I am certain that there just isn't enough love in our lives - in the world.   Let your love grow!

Happy pets

How many dogs or cats or birds or other animals, are patiently awaiting the love that a family can give? Animals need love, and it's amazing to see the way they respond to kindness and compassion. (If you don't believe me, check out some of those videos on youtube)!

Bringing an animal into your household and taking care of them, is one of the most amazing things a person can do. Emptying the animal shelters and finding them loving homes is one of those simple acts that really brightens up our world!

Are you away from home a lot with nobody else around to care for a pet? Not a problem. There are other ways to make a difference. For those who live in a "no pets allowed" house or apartment, this is something to think about as well. What about volunteering at a shelter? How about making a donation? Even simply helping to get the word out can be a big help.

The world's pet population needs your support. If you can't adopt - foster. If you can't foster - sponsor. If you can't sponsor - volunteer. If you can't volunteer - donate. If you can't donate - educate. Let's make sure there is nothing but happy pets in our world!

Divorce conditions

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

“Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

“I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

“With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

“The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

“In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

“This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

“I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions.  She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

“My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

“On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

“On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

“She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

“Suddenly it hit me .   .   . she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

“Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

“But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office and jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind.  I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

“She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

“At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, 'I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us part.'

“That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.  At least, in the eyes of our son, I’m a loving husband."

If you read this blog regularly, you will recognize that the above story cannot possibly be about me - this blog after all is NOT about me!  This is something I came across on the internet and I thought it was so very powerful that it just had to be shared!  As this story shows, it's the small details of our lives that really matter in a relationship. It isn't the car, property, money in the bank, or any material things. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.  It doesn't matter if you are married or not - as you go through life find the time to really live it!

Sunrise Sunset

Isn't this a glorious vision?  Wait a moment though - in this picture, are we looking at a sunrise or a sunset?  Can you tell the difference?  Is one more beautiful than the other?  Does it make you think of the time you watched the sun come up with the person you love?

There are those who prefer the rising of the sun in the morning.  It signals a fresh start; a brand new day.  Most of us when we see it are just waking up and are rested and refreshed after a night's sleep.

Some people prefer to look at the sun as it sets.  The day is finished and now, as the sun goes down, a time of rest is approaching.  We have done what we set out to do and there will be another opportunity to do more wonderful things tomorrow.

However we look at the sun though, one thing is certain.  It is beautiful.  Take a moment and just reflect on this picture.  There is beauty all around us.  Take a moment and enjoy some of that too.  In fact, start looking at all the beauty that surrounds you, and I guarantee it will change your day!

purpose of life is to live it

The longest serving American First Lady was Eleanor Roosevelt, wife of President Franklin D. Roosevelt.  She was one of the most quoted and most respected First Ladies too.  Yesterday something Mrs Roosevelt said came to mind.  “The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”

Mrs Roosevelt certainly followed her own words.  She loved life so very fully, being active in public affairs long after her husband's death. She served as a UN delegate and later chaired John F. Kennedy's Presidential Commission on the Status of Women.  She wrote a newspaper column and was often on radio and later on television.  Her list of accomplishments would run for pages.  My point is that Eleanor Roosevelt LIVED.

 

How many of us can say the same thing?  Don't get stuck in a dead end job.  Don't keep thinking about "some day."  Sometimes you have to take risks.  Want to change the world?  There is no better place to begin than with yourself.

 

So many people complain that their life is boring.  Way to many people are unhappy.  Remember the words of Mrs Roosevelt:  “The purpose of life is to live it.”

no negativity!

There are so many wonderful positive things in this world to celebrate that it seems to me that negativity has no place.  Yes, there are those who are always moaning and groaning about something, and there are newspapers and television stations that seem to enjoy showing the bad more than the good, but that doesn't mean for one moment that we have to follow along!

I think we should promote the things we love instead of bashing what we hate.  There are so many things that I truly love and am inspired by, so this is very easy for me to do.  Think about it though.  In your conversations around the water cooler (or anywhere), try to be positive.  Take all negativity out of your vocabulary.

What's in the news today?  Do we hear anything about the kids that are collecting for charity or about the program that helps senior citizens or the heartwarming tale of a community activist who is making a difference in our world?  Perhaps we don't hear those stories in the mainstream press, but I am happy to share them here.  The incredible tales I hear always give me great hope for our future.  There is so much good out there!  Let's celebrate it and no wallow in the negative.

being healthy

Being healthy does not just mean eating right and going to the gym.  Our individual health depends on a number of factors and it is important for us to pay close attention.  Regular check-ups are important and knowledge of changes in medicine and in healthy living standards.

 

I've written here about leukemia and other cancers and about AIDS, and although I'm not a doctor (and certainly am not trying to be everyone's mother), but we should all know a little about the many diseases that exist, not to diagnose ourselves, but to be aware when something in our body just isn't right.  Early detection is often the key with many things that can attack us.  

If we want to change the world, we need to have the strength and energy to do it!  It's also good when we can be there for friends or relatives with various health issues.

 

It should be obvious, but being healthy leads to being happy.  If our bodies feel good, our minds will likely join in!  Eat your fruits and vegetables and get plenty of exercise, and see your physician on a regular basis.  Be well!

it's NOT about sashimi

You are correct if you think this blog is NOT about me. Oh and today, it's NOT about sashimi. (Did I get your attention though)? Actually, I just wanted to remind you that your comments are certainly welcome here every day. You might even give me some ideas of people or events to share with everyone. Oh, and I have two blogs (yeah, I suppose a bit of self-promotion would be about me but thought you might not know).

Seven days a week I write something here about making a difference in the world. I've been writing these now for fourteen years.  Six years ago I also began a daily blog about kindness that you can find HERE. Those entries are short and hopefully inspiring - often I quote others. Read them both. Comment on both. Share them with your friends.

What could be better than a nice plate of salmon sashimi? Why hearing from dear readers of course! Even though this blog is NOT about me, my own personal thoughts are bound to creep in.  Tell me if you agree!

Words of truth

The great Nelson Mandela was one of those people who always inspired. He was the very kind of person I had in mind when I first decided to write a blog encouraging others to get involved and to make a difference in this world. Listen to the words of truth from any of his speeches and you'll see what I mean.

One very profound statement by him that I just read was about love and hate. Read President Mandela's words below, and think about them -

"No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite."

It is no wonder the South African leader received more than 250 awards over four decades, including the1993 Nobel Peace Prize. He spoke words of truth.

Pranks a lot

Be careful. Seriously, be careful today. Is it real, or is it an April Fool's joke? Some people believe every single thing they read. Today might be the exception. April 1st is probably the only day of the year when people critically evaluate everything they read online, before accepting it as fact. Perhaps we should do that every day.

Jokes and pranks can be fun, if they are done in that spirit, but all too often they are just plain mean. There certainly is no humor in being unkind. I used to be a big fan of All Fool's Day. There have been some wonderful ones (one of my favorites was the Taco Liberty Bell back in the late 90s). There have also been ones that have caused great grief. Then, I am not a fan.

I write about positive uplifting things here, and laughter is wonderful medicine, but sadness and misery are not good things, and so when it comes to this day I really have mixed feelings. Be good. Have fun. Don't make anyone feel bad in the process. Maybe my first two words are a good way to go today: Be careful.